Married to a Christian
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04-08-2015, 08:22 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(04-08-2015 12:39 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  God is supposed to be good and Satan evil yet how many wars have been fought in the name of God with nary a mention of Satan?

There you go again with those damn details. You know that the devil is in the details?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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04-08-2015, 11:43 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(04-08-2015 03:57 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(04-08-2015 05:51 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  Actually, she believes everyone goes to heaven.

Universal reconciliation. One of the least offensive forms of Christianity. Much more tolerable than most of theists around here saying "You're going to Hell!" "Bring it bitch."

Some guy preached that at uni once, it was amazing the angry reactions he got from the True Christians ™.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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05-08-2015, 06:00 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
(04-08-2015 11:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  Some guy preached that at uni once, it was amazing the angry reactions he got from the True Christians ™.

Part of my wife's stance comes from a book by Rob Bell called Love Wins. For the lulz, I decided to look for reviews of it online. It's one of those love-hate things. People either love it or they absolutely hate it, with very little middle ground.

I saw one Christian very ironically complaining that this book shouldn't be taken seriously because there wasn't enough evidence to support it's claims. I laughed out loud at Mr Pot whining about Mr Kettle.
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05-08-2015, 04:47 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(04-08-2015 11:43 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(04-08-2015 03:57 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Universal reconciliation. One of the least offensive forms of Christianity. Much more tolerable than most of theists around here saying "You're going to Hell!" "Bring it bitch."

Some guy preached that at uni once, it was amazing the angry reactions he got from the True Christians ™.

Of course not because that means they are not special. I started a thread on this a while ago. I'll bump it for RobbiePants.

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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07-08-2015, 10:02 AM (This post was last modified: 07-08-2015 10:06 AM by Free.)
RE: Married to a Christian
(29-07-2015 05:53 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  I've been married for almost twelve years. I stopped believing in God somewhere between four and six years ago, depending on how you want to count it. It's one of those things my wife didn't like, but she's largely "lived with it". It's something we don't talk about often.

She's been visibly stressed for a while. Because she quit teaching to start writing full time, we don't have money to put the girls in day care during the summer. They stay home with my wife while she tries to write during the day. As you can expect, that only works so well. She got super stressed a couple of days ago and says that she doesn't really want to "be a mom". We spent some time talking yesterday, and she started explaining how she feels.

So, a bit before we had our first kid, she tells me I talked her back into having kids. Around the time our first kid was born was when I first started having serious doubt issues with Christianity. She wanted to raise the girls Christian and I didn't object. Luckily, my wife is a fairly liberal Christian, so she doesn't believe in stuff like hell or Satan and agrees with me on most ethics. She even believes I'm going to end up in heaven, with maybe a bit of egg on my face for having been wrong. Still, she wants me to go to church with them to "help out with the kids". I think this also includes a side of "hoping I'll come back into the fold", but we'll see what she says once the girls are old enough that she doesn't need help with them for one specific hour a week.

She tells me that prayer at dinner is hard because while I sit there quietly each time, our youngest asks why I'm not praying. Apparently this semi-frequent reminder is tough on her. Also, she started saying something about not having an "easy" way to teach our kids morality, which I think she back peddled from as soon as I started pushing her on that. Her initial argument was something like "because you don't pray at dinner, I can't tell our kids killing is wrong" or some bullshit. This quickly got amended to "you not praying reminds me that you're not Christian".

My wife describes this as I chose to be atheist now that she's trapped with kids.

This is the shitty position I'm in now. I get my wife's frustration. We get married as Christians and I stop believing and she feels "trapped" because this happened after kids. That being said, we've been compromising for years on how to handle this. I don't think she realizes that she's getting most of her way on this one, too. Really, the only two things she isn't getting are:
1) I'm not Christian.
2) I don't pray at dinner.

That's it. I go to church with her, she raises the kids Christian, and I don't fight her on this. I wish I could get her to realize how unfair she is being.

My wife is also a believer, but very moderate. She knows I am an atheist, and the kids also know, with the boy also being an atheist.

Yet my wife always says to me, "How can you be so honest and full of integrity when you don't believe in God? How can you be so compassionate to people? Where do your morals come from?"

I just smile, without really answering. You see, it is my actions and my demeanor that speaks for itself, otherwise she wouldn't notice these qualities in me, an atheist.

My point here is that actions speak louder than words. If you do things that demonstrate your integrity, honesty, and morals, then they should be what she sees, and not what you or her believe or disbelieve. She needs to focus on you, and not whether or not you believe or disbelieve.

And after all these years, my wife and I are still madly in love.

How can anyone become an atheist when we are all born with no beliefs in the first place? We are atheists because we were born this way.
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07-08-2015, 08:46 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
Free - like yours, my Beloved is a Believer, but she's also a scientist and quite rational (even about the limits of her own faith tradition). We sat here reading the forum last night and laughed at the discussion between Alla and those who actually know the facts of Mormonism's history, even watching the video about it... SHE pointed out absurdities I had missed, and made connections I would not have dared to voice about how many Christians do the same sort of thing.

Then we watched the "dumb dumb dumb dumb" episode of SouthPark about Joseph Smith. Big Grin

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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08-08-2015, 01:00 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(07-08-2015 08:46 PM)RocketSurgeon76 Wrote:  Then we watched the "dumb dumb dumb dumb" episode of SouthPark about Joseph Smith. Big Grin

Thumbsup That episode is GOLD.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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09-08-2015, 11:48 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
When Christians declare it's god or religion that provides our morals, that is an erroneous statement. Long before people believed in gods, they devoted their energies to finding food. They quickly realized that it was better to hunt or forage in groups and with that came the desire to get along or perhaps starve. Those who could no longer hunt or forage became caregivers of children and everyone shared the booty.
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15-08-2015, 06:44 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
While giving further thought to the topic, I remembered that the best way to get gets to rebel against anything is to shove it down their throats. I knew more girls who loved to party, and have sex resulting in teen pregnancies, that grew up with too much religion. How much is too much? Depends upon the individual.
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16-08-2015, 12:12 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(29-07-2015 07:47 AM)RobbyPants Wrote:  Thanks, everyone.

Yeah, the more I think about it, what it seems like is she's starting with some very legitimate feelings, but she's rationalizing and creating phantom problems to find something to blame. While her situation is crappy, it's not something I willingly inflicted on her. It just sort of... happened. This is almost certainly where the wording "chose to be atheist" came from.

When your wife comes to realize that you and the marriage have absolutely nothing to do with her happiness, then she will stop blaming you. Happiness has nothing to do with another person or marriage or job or situation giving it to us. We choose to be happy. Or not. When she starts looking at her own responsibility to find happiness in her life, then she will stop blaming you and atheism.

My advice would be to remain true to you, be a good husband and dad. And if she continues to try to pin her unhappiness on you, you might have a different set of things to think about. Not recommending divorce, but if you are both unhappy under the same roof...maybe you'd both be better off under separate ones.

Hugs and hope things get better. Hug

Be true to yourself. Heart
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