Maybe my wife is a non believer
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15-06-2012, 12:44 PM
Maybe my wife is a non believer
My wife was raised Lutheran. We were married for almost 7 years before we started going to church, at which point we had a baby, and went most weekends, now even she is looking at excuses to not go.

She gives me grief for my non belief and says it bothers her. I try to bring up the subject respectfully and logically and she gets mad.

A few things though give me some reason to belief that she has a skeptic steak in her.

First off she always said she doesn't believe in the literal bible, she says it's mostly allegory. I was there once too.
She woke up in the middle of the night once in a panic, she had in he mind the thought of death and her mind wandered to the thought of eternal nothingness; that doesn't sound like something that a believer in Jesus Christ lord and savior would believe.

What I see is where I was many years ago, someone who wavered between belief and non belief, but someone who didn't want to totally state a disbelief because doing so flew in the face of a lifetime and family history of religiousness.

My question to you all is, if I see trends in her that show she is wavering in her belief, how do I open her eyes to the possibility that there is no god. (I don't want to force my beliefs on her, instead would rather give her the tools to come to that conclusion on her own) knowing:

1. She gets defensive when we talk about it, and it's not something you bring up out of the blue.
2. She seems to believe that even if you "dont' believe" you still have to pretend, as it is a social convention.
3. I would like to raise my son in an environment were he can use reason and logic, use science based parenting so to speak.

Why are you still reading this line when it is obviously my signature line?
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15-06-2012, 12:48 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
Tell her to some here and we'll have Chas talk to her. Smile
________________
Maybe try to draw out what she is havig trouble believing and then try to point out the atheist argument behind her thoughts, eventually she'll realize she is thinking like an atheist and will become one.
____________
Chas I really need that dime *holds out hand*

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
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15-06-2012, 12:51 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
I think it is best to let her come to you with any questions she might have as they arise. Forcing the issue will only cause her to shut down, at least that has been my experience with my wife. I hope that as my son begins to question things, she will too, but I am not holding my breath. Let her walk down that road on her own and come to her own conclusions, once she is on the precipice, she will begin to open up...I know I did.

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.”
—Thomas Henry Huxley
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15-06-2012, 12:53 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
The social convention thing is very big. We have many religious friends, to be a stated non-believer in conservative Central Pennsylvania would be social suicide.

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15-06-2012, 01:09 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
(15-06-2012 12:44 PM)FaceOfBoe Wrote:  My wife was raised Lutheran. We were married for almost 7 years before we started going to church, at which point we had a baby, and went most weekends, now even she is looking at excuses to not go.

She gives me grief for my non belief and says it bothers her. I try to bring up the subject respectfully and logically and she gets mad.

A few things though give me some reason to belief that she has a skeptic steak in her.

First off she always said she doesn't believe in the literal bible, she says it's mostly allegory. I was there once too.
She woke up in the middle of the night once in a panic, she had in he mind the thought of death and her mind wandered to the thought of eternal nothingness; that doesn't sound like something that a believer in Jesus Christ lord and savior would believe.

What I see is where I was many years ago, someone who wavered between belief and non belief, but someone who didn't want to totally state a disbelief because doing so flew in the face of a lifetime and family history of religiousness.

My question to you all is, if I see trends in her that show she is wavering in her belief, how do I open her eyes to the possibility that there is no god. (I don't want to force my beliefs on her, instead would rather give her the tools to come to that conclusion on her own) knowing:

1. She gets defensive when we talk about it, and it's not something you bring up out of the blue.
2. She seems to believe that even if you "dont' believe" you still have to pretend, as it is a social convention.
3. I would like to raise my son in an environment were he can use reason and logic, use science based parenting so to speak.

I see you're chomping at the bit to open her eyes. But don't push her! Let her come up with the subject (if it does). Let her draw her own conclusions.
The biggest problem of the church is that it forces opinions on their flock. Don't make the same mistake! Prove to her IRL that atheism is different. That atheists are different. That atheism is real freedom.
And be patient. Let time work for you.
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15-06-2012, 01:15 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
Maybe she is an atheist if....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iVCxx-Gk...ZKxN4b4KrQ

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15-06-2012, 03:08 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
She probably has reasoned belief out as BS, but doesn't want it to be true, so the anger and avoidance of the conversation.
She fears loosing her friends and her childred being outcasts. Mothers protect their children.
You will likely have to live the lie for a while. Teach the kids what you can. Plant the seeds of doubt and they will grow.

The old gods are dead, let's invent some new ones before something really bad happens.
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15-06-2012, 03:18 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
Maybe I'm high, but for some reason, the op makes me crave steak. Cannibal style. Carved out of someone's possibly skeptic wife..........

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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15-06-2012, 03:26 PM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
Quite possibly. I was educated in a Lutheran school until I was 15. They did a good job of keeping religion out of science (compartmentalizing might be a better term). And hell, Lutherans are already heretics to begin with. Big Grin

I work with a number of scientists who don't believe any of the Christian bullshit but still regularly attend Church. I asked one why and he said "The potluck dinners are delicious." Thought that was a pretty good reason.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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16-06-2012, 08:08 AM
RE: Maybe my wife is a non believer
Perhaps it's your general communication with your wife that you need help with? Me and mine, we talk after sex. Sometimes during!

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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