Men not wanting to get married.
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14-02-2016, 09:47 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 09:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(14-02-2016 09:40 AM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  Well what about those without offspring?

They can do whatever they want?

Yup Big Grin

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14-02-2016, 10:04 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
I think less women are wanting to get married too. I never really had a desire to get married. I've been engaged twice, but never married. Years ago when women were viewed as property or in more recent times, where the traditional role of woman was to take care of children and the home (and not be the breadwinner) marriage made sense in terms of social constructs. Nowadays, as in my situation, women are fiercely independent and can financially take care of themselves and their children. All that said, I am not against the idea of marriage because I like romance Wink but it's certainly not a deal breaker re: a relationship if I was with a man who had no desire to ever get married.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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14-02-2016, 10:09 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 10:04 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think less women are wanting to get married too. I never really had a desire to get married. I've been engaged twice, but never married. Years ago when women were viewed as property or in more recent times, where the traditional role of woman was to take care of children and the home (and not be the breadwinner) marriage made sense in terms of social constructs. Nowadays, as in my situation, women are fiercely independent and can financially take care of themselves and their children. All that said, I am not against the idea of marriage because I like romance Wink but it's certainly not a deal breaker re: a relationship if I was with a man who had no desire to ever get married.

Well sure, but females are way more likely to want marriage. Even independent ones. This is because even if there is a marriage where the female is the bread winner and the man takes cares of the kids, the female will still get all the benefits when they man will not. So the females not wanting to get married would be around 20% while guys are near 50%

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14-02-2016, 10:12 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 10:09 AM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  
(14-02-2016 10:04 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think less women are wanting to get married too. I never really had a desire to get married. I've been engaged twice, but never married. Years ago when women were viewed as property or in more recent times, where the traditional role of woman was to take care of children and the home (and not be the breadwinner) marriage made sense in terms of social constructs. Nowadays, as in my situation, women are fiercely independent and can financially take care of themselves and their children. All that said, I am not against the idea of marriage because I like romance Wink but it's certainly not a deal breaker re: a relationship if I was with a man who had no desire to ever get married.

Well sure, but females are way more likely to want marriage. Even independent ones. This is because even if there is a marriage where the female is the bread winner and the man takes cares of the kids, the female will still get all the benefits when they man will not. So the females not wanting to get married would be around 20% while guys are near 50%

How would the woman get all the benefits?

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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14-02-2016, 10:16 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
Ever hear of the herbivore men of Japan? - The Wikipedia page has some relevant information. The west is following suit.
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14-02-2016, 10:18 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 10:12 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(14-02-2016 10:09 AM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  Well sure, but females are way more likely to want marriage. Even independent ones. This is because even if there is a marriage where the female is the bread winner and the man takes cares of the kids, the female will still get all the benefits when they man will not. So the females not wanting to get married would be around 20% while guys are near 50%

How would the woman get all the benefits?

Some of the reasons I listed that downfall men will benefit the women, especially the divorce. There is a saying about marriage "There is her money, and then there is our money." This applies to most marriages whether or not it is a male that is the bread winner or the female.

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14-02-2016, 10:28 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 10:18 AM)Metazoa Zeke Wrote:  
(14-02-2016 10:12 AM)jennybee Wrote:  How would the woman get all the benefits?

Some of the reasons I listed that downfall men will benefit the women, especially the divorce. There is a saying about marriage "There is her money, and then there is our money." This applies to most marriages whether or not it is a male that is the bread winner or the female.

I think it depends on how you look at things. Men used to get a better benefit in marriage than women, imo. Not to put down homemakers, because that is a tough job--and if women *choose* that for themselves, then more power to them. It used to be that the man was the head of the household--which means they made all or most of the financial decisions and were able to go out into the world and have a career of their choosing. Women, had no choice, they *had* to stay at home and take care of the children, not have a career, and they had to cook and clean for the man, all while being (in many cases) subservient to him.

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14-02-2016, 10:34 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
No one is forcing men to get married in this day and age.

I know men who seem to enjoy being married (although I'm not in their heads, of course) and as well I have male friends who are married to other men. They liked the idea of marriage so much that they fought for decades to have same-sex marriage made legal.
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14-02-2016, 10:45 AM
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
(14-02-2016 10:28 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I think it depends on how you look at things. Men used to get a better benefit in marriage than women, imo. Not to put down homemakers, because that is a tough job--and if women *choose* that for themselves, then more power to them. It used to be that the man was the head of the household--which means they made all or most of the financial decisions and were able to go out into the world and have a career of their choosing. Women, had no choice, they *had* to stay at home and take care of the children, not have a career, and they had to cook and clean for the man, all while being (in many cases) subservient to him.

Two things.

A. bolded the past tense as to show that just because it is in the past, and those factors have very little with how marriage works today.

B. Keep in mind being subservient was not in the way we think. It was a trade off. She took care of him, he gave her money and things she needs. It was a 50/50 trade off.

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14-02-2016, 11:10 AM (This post was last modified: 14-02-2016 11:15 AM by Escape Artist.)
RE: Men not wanting to get married.
Well, my ex-husband put me off to the idea of getting married again pretty strongly. For me, I don't see all that much of a point to it - if you love someone, be with them, end of story. You don't have to stand up in front of a bunch of people at a church (or elsewhere) to be together. At least around here, marriage is seen as "making it right" before god because of course it's sinful to live together outside of marriage. Take away the god thing and sin goes away and there you've got one less reason to get married.

Went out to eat with my co-workers the other night and they asked when Rev and I are going to get married. I said "never" with a laugh (though I did mention that we *have* talked about a possibility of doing this far in the future for the legal benefits that do come along with it but that this is far down the road) and got a weird look from them but fuck it. The relationship between me and Rev is just that - it's between me and Rev. We don't need to have a ceremony to be committed to each other.

And another thing, even when I was a Christian and about to marry my ex-husband, I wondered at the point of doing it even then. God knew what was in my heart, I thought, and he knew I'd committed myself to this guy so why did there need to be a ceremony? But that's kind of the same as the "Why pray?" thing.

ETA: Even my kids have asked when Rev and I are going to get married - so you can see there is oftentimes lots of pressure from many different parties when it comes to this issue, especially around here in a conservative state like Texas. I told my kids we likely will not get married and I'm sure they think it's a bit faux pas, but oh well - they need to see examples of good relationships that can happen outside of "god-defined" terms. They need to see that happiness can happen outside of the proscriptions of the Babble.

I also realize that I haven't really answered the question of why men don't want to get married, lol. I assume the reasons might be the same?

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