Mental Health Paranoia
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01-06-2015, 12:04 PM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2015 12:07 PM by CrimsonCallaReborn.)
Mental Health Paranoia
So because of the woo bullshit I got involved in that nearly ruined my life, I had a lot of intrusive, scary thoughts about the occult and other things, because of what other people had told me, along with stuff I read online causing me to catastrophize and obsess over a thought, leading to panic attacks. I was working with a new deity at the time so I figured it may have been because I pissed him off.

One time, I had a really bad panic attack because I thought I smelled something that was not there. I was freaking out very badly and the taste entered my mouth and I felt like my body was set on fire. I had a hot flash as a result of the attack. I honestly thought it was spiritual phenomena because of the nature of my intrusive thoughts and I catastrophized.

But at that point, I started to freak out even more. So, I went to University Health services and they told me I was having a psychotic episode because of the nature with which I described what I was experiencing (did not mention spiritual phenomena, just mentioned I thought I was smelling things that were not there).

I wasn't. I went back to the same place on the next day and a few people remarked about the smell. They were just painting outside and the smell entered the building. I didn't hallucinate at all.

I was placed in a psych ward for 8 hours only for them to tell me I just had an attack, I appeared normal, nothing was really wrong with me, and they apologized for wasting my time.

However, I have been, ever since, paranoid about developing schizophrenia and losing touch with reality. This is why I felt like I needed to debunk everything with logic. I always knew in my heart of hearts that something didn't make sense.

The problem with magick is that after a while you succumb to a lot of cognitive biases, particularly frequency illusion. After I started worrying, I had been hearing about risperdone, schizophrenia, seeing skulls everywhere, being freaked out, etc.

I've been misinterpreting stimuli in the world around me as voices that are just symptoms of tinnitus and sinus issues. I've been doing double takes of things I see in the world around me. I even Googled a script to a movie while I was watching Netflix because I thought I was misinterpreting or hallucinating what someone was saying. I've been seeing things out of the corner of my eye that can be explained as easily as a floater or a reflection. It just feels like the paranoia follows me everywhere I go. If I see anything out of place in my stimuli, my first instinct is to assume I'm hallucinating. Numbers that used to hold spiritual significance now follow me wherever I go. I can't get rid of it. I feel like I'm going mad.

All I wanted was someone to talk to. They didn't have to lock me in a place with a bunch of scary people. There was a guy there who just wouldn't stop screaming. It was horrifying.

I feel deluded and sad and obsessive and I don't know what to do. I'm speaking to a therapist about it.
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01-06-2015, 12:27 PM
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 12:04 PM)CrimsonCallaReborn Wrote:  So because of the woo bullshit I got involved in that nearly ruined my life, I had a lot of intrusive, scary thoughts about the occult and other things, because of what other people had told me, along with stuff I read online causing me to catastrophize and obsess over a thought, leading to panic attacks. I was working with a new deity at the time so I figured it may have been because I pissed him off.

One time, I had a really bad panic attack because I thought I smelled something that was not there. I was freaking out very badly and the taste entered my mouth and I felt like my body was set on fire. I had a hot flash as a result of the attack. I honestly thought it was spiritual phenomena because of the nature of my intrusive thoughts and I catastrophized.

But at that point, I started to freak out even more. So, I went to University Health services and they told me I was having a psychotic episode because of the nature with which I described what I was experiencing (did not mention spiritual phenomena, just mentioned I thought I was smelling things that were not there).

I wasn't. I went back to the same place on the next day and a few people remarked about the smell. They were just painting outside and the smell entered the building. I didn't hallucinate at all.

I was placed in a psych ward for 8 hours only for them to tell me I just had an attack, I appeared normal, nothing was really wrong with me, and they apologized for wasting my time.

However, I have been, ever since, paranoid about developing schizophrenia and losing touch with reality. This is why I felt like I needed to debunk everything with logic. I always knew in my heart of hearts that something didn't make sense.

The problem with magick is that after a while you succumb to a lot of cognitive biases, particularly frequency illusion. After I started worrying, I had been hearing about risperdone, schizophrenia, seeing skulls everywhere, being freaked out, etc.

I've been misinterpreting stimuli in the world around me as voices that are just symptoms of tinnitus and sinus issues. I've been doing double takes of things I see in the world around me. I even Googled a script to a movie while I was watching Netflix because I thought I was misinterpreting or hallucinating what someone was saying. I've been seeing things out of the corner of my eye that can be explained as easily as a floater or a reflection. It just feels like the paranoia follows me everywhere I go. If I see anything out of place in my stimuli, my first instinct is to assume I'm hallucinating. Numbers that used to hold spiritual significance now follow me wherever I go. I can't get rid of it. I feel like I'm going mad.

All I wanted was someone to talk to. They didn't have to lock me in a place with a bunch of scary people. There was a guy there who just wouldn't stop screaming. It was horrifying.

I feel deluded and sad and obsessive and I don't know what to do. I'm speaking to a therapist about it.

Hi

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? I am not diagnosing you, but a lot of the symptoms you describe are characteristic of OCD. It might be a good idea to speak to a therapist who is skilled in dealing with anxiety disorders.
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01-06-2015, 12:45 PM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2015 12:50 PM by CrimsonCallaReborn.)
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Hi

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? I am not diagnosing you, but a lot of the symptoms you describe are characteristic of OCD. It might be a good idea to speak to a therapist who is skilled in dealing with anxiety disorders.

My therapist is actually CBT based so she might be able to really help me. I think I might talk to her about this and all of the issues I've dealt with in an attempt to rule out any schizotypal disorders, only because I've been literally hearing voices in static. It's strange because I know for a fact it's my brain misinterpreting stimuli and not an actual voice, and that it all comes from my laptop or something, but I've just been so primed. I notice that when I'm alone without sound, I hear nothing, but I have the worst case of tinnitus, probably from my BuSpar. I have two instances of hearing things that were not there, late at night, freaking out.

The derealization is terrible. I hear one thing that sounds like it could be a voice and I freak out, even if it's just the coffee machine or noises from outside. Sometimes they form words, but I know it's all just in my head and I've primed myself to check and make sure I'm not actually hearing anything. I've well versed in cognitive biases. I can't be delusional if I doubted this thing the whole time, but part of me feels like shades of me still are because I still have that "everything is a sign from the universe" mindset from my old spirituality. It's breaking fast, though.

You guys have been helping. Thank you.
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01-06-2015, 12:52 PM
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 12:45 PM)CrimsonCallaReborn Wrote:  
(01-06-2015 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Hi

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? I am not diagnosing you, but a lot of the symptoms you describe are characteristic of OCD. It might be a good idea to speak to a therapist who is skilled in dealing with anxiety disorders.

My therapist is actually CBT based so she might be able to really help me. I think I might talk to her about this and all of the issues I've dealt with in an attempt to rule out any schizotypal disorders, only because I've been literally hearing voices in static. It's strange because I know for a fact it's my brain misinterpreting stimuli and not an actual voice, and that it all comes from my laptop or something, but I've just been so primed. I notice that when I'm alone without sound, I hear nothing, but I have the worst case of tinnitus, probably from my BuSpar. I have two instances of hearing things that were not there, late at night, freaking out.

The derealization is terrible. I hear one thing that sounds like it could be a voice and I freak out, even if it's just the coffee machine or noises from outside. Sometimes they form words, but I know it's all just in my head and I've primed myself to check and make sure I'm not actually hearing anything. I've well versed in cognitive biases. I can't be delusional if I doubted this thing the whole time, but part of me feels like shades of me still are because I still have that "everything is a sign from the universe" mindset from my old spirituality. It's breaking fast, though.

I've been to the psyche ward, too, and involved with mental health since. As such, I've met lots of people who hear things that aren't there, but unlike you, they all seem to be of the conviction that they're not delusional. So at least you have that going for you.
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01-06-2015, 01:23 PM
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
I once woke up from a nap hearing voices. I thought I might still be dreaming, but they didn't go away. I had a hard time figuring out what they were saying. Finally I got up and walked through the room and noticed that the filter in my aquarium was partially blocked and making funny noises. Sounded just like voices.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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01-06-2015, 01:30 PM
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 01:23 PM)Dom Wrote:  I once woke up from a nap hearing voices. I thought I might still be dreaming, but they didn't go away. I had a hard time figuring out what they were saying. Finally I got up and walked through the room and noticed that the filter in my aquarium was partially blocked and making funny noises. Sounded just like voices.

This has literally been my entire week.
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01-06-2015, 01:33 PM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2015 01:36 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 12:45 PM)CrimsonCallaReborn Wrote:  
(01-06-2015 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Hi

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? I am not diagnosing you, but a lot of the symptoms you describe are characteristic of OCD. It might be a good idea to speak to a therapist who is skilled in dealing with anxiety disorders.

My therapist is actually CBT based so she might be able to really help me. I think I might talk to her about this and all of the issues I've dealt with in an attempt to rule out any schizotypal disorders, only because I've been literally hearing voices in static. It's strange because I know for a fact it's my brain misinterpreting stimuli and not an actual voice, and that it all comes from my laptop or something, but I've just been so primed. I notice that when I'm alone without sound, I hear nothing, but I have the worst case of tinnitus, probably from my BuSpar. I have two instances of hearing things that were not there, late at night, freaking out.

The derealization is terrible. I hear one thing that sounds like it could be a voice and I freak out, even if it's just the coffee machine or noises from outside. Sometimes they form words, but I know it's all just in my head and I've primed myself to check and make sure I'm not actually hearing anything. I've well versed in cognitive biases. I can't be delusional if I doubted this thing the whole time, but part of me feels like shades of me still are because I still have that "everything is a sign from the universe" mindset from my old spirituality. It's breaking fast, though.

You guys have been helping. Thank you.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist to get a proper diagnosis Smile

If you obsess about developing schizophrenia, obsess that you may have heard words via coffee machine, etc, but you know the thoughts are not rational--This would be an example of OCD. Actually believing your coffee machine is talking to you would be an example of schizophrenia. Typically, knowing your brain is misinterpreting info is characteristic of OCD and not schizophrenia. But either way, it is good you are seeing a therapist who can help you through all of this. Again, I am not diagnosing you--just my observation of your description. You should definitely see a therapist.

Pareidolia and apophenia are evolutionary mechanisms that *all* of us have (making patterns in stimulus via noise or images). For instance, people may see shapes in clouds, or if you play a record backwards, people may think they can hear a certain message etc. If you do have OCD--it could just be that your anxiety is attaching itself to this normal evolutionary mechanism and viewing it as significant--which leads you to obsess about it.
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01-06-2015, 01:42 PM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2015 01:57 PM by CrimsonCallaReborn.)
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
(01-06-2015 01:33 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-06-2015 12:45 PM)CrimsonCallaReborn Wrote:  My therapist is actually CBT based so she might be able to really help me. I think I might talk to her about this and all of the issues I've dealt with in an attempt to rule out any schizotypal disorders, only because I've been literally hearing voices in static. It's strange because I know for a fact it's my brain misinterpreting stimuli and not an actual voice, and that it all comes from my laptop or something, but I've just been so primed. I notice that when I'm alone without sound, I hear nothing, but I have the worst case of tinnitus, probably from my BuSpar. I have two instances of hearing things that were not there, late at night, freaking out.

The derealization is terrible. I hear one thing that sounds like it could be a voice and I freak out, even if it's just the coffee machine or noises from outside. Sometimes they form words, but I know it's all just in my head and I've primed myself to check and make sure I'm not actually hearing anything. I've well versed in cognitive biases. I can't be delusional if I doubted this thing the whole time, but part of me feels like shades of me still are because I still have that "everything is a sign from the universe" mindset from my old spirituality. It's breaking fast, though.

You guys have been helping. Thank you.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist to get a proper diagnosis Smile

If you obsess about developing schizophrenia, obsess that you may have heard words via coffee machine, etc, but you know the thoughts are not rational--This would be an example of OCD. Actually believing your coffee machine is talking to you would be an example of schizophrenia. Typically, knowing your brain is misinterpreting info is characteristic of OCD and not schizophrenia. But either way, it is good you are seeing a therapist who can help you through all of this. Again, I am not diagnosing you--just my observation of your description. You should definitely see a therapist.

Pareidolia and apophenia are evolutionary mechanisms that *all* of us have (making patterns in stimulus via noise or images). For instance, people may see shapes in clouds, or if you play a record backwards, people may think they can hear a certain message etc. If you do have OCD--it could just be that your anxiety is attaching itself to this normal evolutionary mechanism and viewing it as significant--which leads you to obsess about it.

If I may?

This is exactly why I feel religion is inherently harmful. I've been experiencing really scary images (strictly pareidolia and just seeing things that remind me of it in public) that I originally linked to a deity when I was pagan, but I always doubted it and I always knew better than to fully give into that without question. Now that I no longer believe in it, I realized how harmful belief itself actually was. I'm really glad I found this place.
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01-06-2015, 01:43 PM
Re: Mental Health Paranoia
In my experience... once I realized that the voices and "things" were all in my head, it took a while to get over it. Over time, with practice, I found myself emotionally affected by the delusions less and less.

It might help to remind yourself, during and after each episode, that they (voices, shadows, apparitions, etc..) do not exist in reality. It's your mind seeking comfort and patterns, among other things.

Once you figure out major "triggers" for the delusions, if any, you can avoid stimuli that set them off.
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01-06-2015, 01:49 PM
RE: Mental Health Paranoia
To me ... just my opinion ... belief is OCD. I consider it a leftover behavior pattern that continues to misfire in our monkey brains. It's like a vestigial firing ... like whales have leg bones inside them... now useless. Certain things within the firing will eventually fall away as we continue to evolve.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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