Miscarriage
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28-09-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: Miscarriage
I can't even begin to understand what you and your wife are going through. I feel heart broken for you both. Hug

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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28-09-2014, 06:13 PM
RE: Miscarriage
I'm sorry to hear of your loss MT, truly.

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29-09-2014, 04:17 PM
RE: Miscarriage
Sorry about what you are going through. I have a feeling my method of coping and rationalizing this would hurt you more than it would help you at the moment, so that's all I'll say. Just keep being there for each other.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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29-09-2014, 04:52 PM
RE: Miscarriage
Thanks for your comments. I am better than I was yesterday. My wife has started laughing and smiling against for the pretty much the first time since we got the bad news.

I don't think there is any chance of keeping this baby book. I don't know how I will feel in the future, but I don't think I can use the name Jude again either. Perhaps next time I will wait for a while longer before getting attached to a name.

Still waiting for the womb to pass. That will be hard because, for my wife especially, it is going to bring all of those feelings back. We both are secretly hoping that some how the doctor was wrong... It's not healthy but we can't help ourselves.

Good news is though as soon as she is re productively healthy we are going to start trying again immediately Smile. I was really scared when this first started, but this experience has taught us how much we really want this. Thanks again for your guys support, I will be sure to have my wife read this when she is ready.
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29-09-2014, 05:02 PM
RE: Miscarriage
Sounds like you two are doing very well, and are super tough! I love that you two will wait a little longer before deciding names, and getting attached. It is really hard to not do, but usually after the 13 week mark it's smooth sailing. I also love that you two will be trying again right away. My doctor said that the suggested three months is usually just to give time for grieving. She said after everything passes, and you have a regular period to try whenever ready unless there were other complications. It will be tough when the placenta passes. The waiting part really does suck, but a couple of days after it's all over it will be like a cloud has lifted. Hug Heart

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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30-09-2014, 12:10 PM
RE: Miscarriage
Hi Michael.
I just saw this thread and wanted to offer my condolences aswell. It doesn't matter that miscarriages are common occurances in the early stage of a pregnancy, it's still a terrible loss and it's good you both allow yourself to grieve.
It's not a minor thing to loose what was supposed to be your baby and the beginning of your lives as parents.
Don't worry about throwing out the baby books and such if you need to purge your home of those reminders. You can always buy new ones when the time comes.
It's good to hear you're both doing somewhat alright considering the circumstances and that you are able to look forward and think about trying again when your wifes body is ready.
It sounds like you're both going to make absolutely wonderful parents!

Your poem was very beautiful and powerful! Thankyou for sharing it with us all and trusting us with something so special and personal.
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30-09-2014, 06:21 PM
RE: Miscarriage
(29-09-2014 04:52 PM)Michael_Tadlock Wrote:  I don't think there is any chance of keeping this baby book. I don't know how I will feel in the future, but I don't think I can use the name Jude again either. Perhaps next time I will wait for a while longer before getting attached to a name.
A pregnancy can be an exciting thing. The first two times my wife got pregnant she miscarried. Unfortunately it is something that is very common (about 50% of pregnancies miscarry but only 20% are noticed). And unfortunately miscarriage is not something that is spoken about freely.

If you go into pregnancy knowing there is a high chance of miscarriage then you are less likely to get too excited at the beginning. I certainly think that it is better not to buy baby stuff, or come up with a name or even tell people about your pregnancy until after three months.

If it miscarried then possibly it wasn't even viable DNA, nothing you guys did to cause the miscarriage, it was never going to be a baby.

Give each other lots of cuddles, talk about if you feel up to it, perhaps even do some research. When your wife is feeling better, maybe do something different, go on a short holiday or just hire a hotel and spend the day in the city. Maybe take her to a spa and massage place. But I think it makes some sense to do something symbolic in order to move forward from this stage.

Don't underestimate the impact of the hormones on your wife, be nice, don't argue with her. Anyway's your a bright boy, I'm sure you will come through this fine.
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