Misogynist Grandmother
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07-02-2015, 02:51 AM
Misogynist Grandmother
You read that correctly. My grandmother is a misogynist.

The odd part about that is that she is constantly putting down men for various things that she doesn't like. Her favorite put-down phrase is "M-A-L-E;" spelled only when she's seen or experienced something stupid or unfavorable. For instance, if a car part has a tendency to be faulty, she'll scoff and say "M-A-L-E, wouldn't you know." Because, obviously, if it doesn't work, a man must have made it. Meanwhile, if she can't find the remote to her Bose stereo, she gets angry that there aren't any buttons on the stereo itself, saying "You know some man invented that so he wouldn't have to get off the couch." In traffic (where her rampant sexism is most often expressed), if someone cuts her off or fails to do something as simple as use a turn signal, she'll start huffing and puffing and asking "Is that a man? I'll bet it's a man. You watch; when we pull up next to him it'll be a man." I don't humor her. I just smile and continue looking out the window, but her childish mind can't let the issue go. After a few minutes, I hear "...Men are statistically worse drivers, you know."

Jesus fucking christ, lady, what do you want? What do you want me to say? You want me to sit here and join you in your bullshit sexism? You want me to lay into men just as hard as you are? Do you want me to argue back so you can lay into men some more? Fuck... Angry

...Ahem. Sorry. I digress.

For as much as she shits on men, though, it's her misogyny that I find truly surprising. I mean, for those of you who have read some of my years-old threads here, you know that my grandfather was an abusive, overbearing prick who put her down for the entirety of their 50+ year marriage. As much as she'd been brainwashed to worship him (and she truly does), her anger about his treatment was still burning deep down inside, so she takes every chance she gets to shit on men in general. While not reasonable, I suppose it's understandable. However, at the same time, she truly views women as being of a lower class, and will actually defend misogynistic viewpoints when they're presented.

The other day, I was at her house helping her organize some of her things. While we worked, she had the radio tuned to a classical music station that runs news updates in between songs. One news story in particular caught my ear, because it mentioned that some church/parish/Vatican/whateverthefuck had just elected the first female cardinal. (Or something along those lines) Being a smartass, I asked "Uh oh...Is that allowed?!" My grandmother laughed. "I guess they did it either way," she said. But it's what she added that made me stop in my tracks:

"Don't bother listening to the Bible; just follow the trends of the world. Gotta make [women] equal."

For those of you who aren't keen on subtext, her meaning was: "The Bible says women aren't to be in a position of power within God's organization, and the fact that they've elected a female cardinal shows that they're not following God, but the liberal, ungodly trends of the world, which is a bad thing."

As I continued cleaning, I bit my tongue because I didn't want to get into an argument with her. Not because I think it's ok to let such ideological positions go uncorrected, but because she can't be reasoned with - ever - and I didn't want to waste precious oxygen trying to beat a dead horse. But after a moment, I realized I couldn't not say something.

"You know I was being sarcastic, right?" I asked. "I think it's awesome that they're ignoring the Bible in favor of a more female-friendly trend."

From there, the argument exploded. She immediately began putting down my explicitly-stated view that "women are to be treated as equal" by saying "No, John. The Bible says that men are to be the leader of the woman. Just as Jesus is the head of the congregation, the man is the head of the woman."

"Yes," I replied, "and that's exactly why I'm glad they're not following the Bible. It's one of the most disgusting and misogynistic texts ever written."

"No it's most certainly not!" she retorted as if shocked.

"Of course it is. What you just said, yourself, was incredibly misogynistic. Women don't need a leader and men aren't in charge of them. Men and women are equal creatures. But 1st Timothy 2:12 tells you that women are supposed to learn in silence; that you are not permitted to teach men and that you must be quiet. How can you possibly tell me that's not misogynistic in every way?"

"Because, John, Jehovah says that women..." I cut her off.

"Whoa whoa..." I interrupted, "...are you teaching me right now?" It was only for a fraction of a second, but her expression revealed that she was taken aback.

"I'm just trying to tell you what the verse means," she clarified.

"So, you're trying to teach me, then?"

She sort of fumble-fucked her way through half-stutters in search of something to say in response. "I'm just...I...Just ask one of the elders."

"That's right," I said sternly, "be silent, female."

I felt good about my final word in that exchange. It felt good to use her own stupidity against her, and I hoped that maybe my point was realized. Today, however, she and I got into another spat as I accompanied her about town to do her errands. Once again, we were in traffic, and idiot drivers were being idiot drivers. As we tried to get into the right lane, a woman on a cell phone refused to let us in by blocking our way before lazily scooting her way ahead. Of note is that my grandmother didn't say much about her other than "Thanks a bunch!" Seconds later, though, we were nearly side-swiped by a man in a truck who figured he could scoot past us real quick before we got in his way. This time, my grandmother erupted with anger.

"Oh, what a JERK! Stupid M-A-L-E. Ugh. Can't believe it." I tried to ignore her. Again, I didn't want to get into an argument with a child. But once again, she did the thing she always does and tried to stoke the fire of argument. "That was a man," she continued, "you saw that, right?" That was it for me.

"I saw that, yes," I snapped, "just like I saw the stupid woman who wouldn't let you in, and the other stupid woman who got in your way back at the stop light. I also remember hearing something about a stupid woman who ate an apple once because a fucking snake told her to and she was dumb enough to listen."

I'm not sure why I added that last part. It's not like it was related. Like, at all. But I guess I was angry at her sexism and subconsciously fed up with her religious bullshit, so I ceased being rational and just started taking as many shots as I could to really stick it to her. Being a child, though, she took the bait and ran with it.

"And you'll notice she didn't get the blame for that," she said, speaking about the biblical Eve.

In a way, Eve kind of did get some of the blame, but again, I wasn't rational at the time. I just kind of went with what she was saying. "And that was some bullshit," I replied, "stupid bitch did what she wasn't supposed to do. That wasn't Adam's fault."

"Yes it was," she barked, "Adam was responsible for her."

"You know what," I said, "I'm not even gonna get into it."

"That's right, because you don't know what you're talking about."

That's when I really snapped, but the ensuing argument had little to do with sexism and more to do with me defending my freethinking stance and my non-belief. Assured, though, it was heated.

Since my plans to move away have been cemented, I've sort of clocked out of this town and everyone in it. I find I don't bite my tongue anymore. When someone does or says something that pisses me off, even if they're close family or friends, I find I just don't give a shit about being polite. I fire back without caring whether or not I'm being "rude" or combative. Before, I was always very passive with my grandmother because she's a little old lady with the mind of a fucking infant who's been brainwashed in various ways since she was a kid. I mean, she's 75; there's not much hope of changing her incredibly unreasonable mind on anything. I know: I've tried. But now, when she starts spouting some stupid shit (and especially when she really tries to push it), I don't care about sparing her feelings. Just in this past month, I've gotten into 3 separate verbal confrontations with her because she stuck her nose into something to interject some half-witted, holier-than-thou bullshit. Twice about sexism and once about my fucking sex life. (Seriously?!?!) These are the first real arguments I've ever had with her that escalated beyond passionate, but friendly banter and actually became heated.

I just don't understand how she - a woman - can be so incredibly blinded to her own hatred for women. She'll sit there and rail against men all day long, but when the topic of women are brought up, she'll insist that she is second-class and that all women should sit down and shut the fuck up: the MEN are in charge.

I guess it makes sense, considering her religious views. When you're taught that you are second-class, eventually, you believe it. A bird learns to love its cage. (That'll be a pun for my British readers) But it absolutely infuriates me to no end, and having recently stepped up my defense of womankind in the face of culturally "traditional" views, I find myself unable to bite my tongue when she starts speaking against her own gender.

In some feeble way, though, I suppose there is a bright side. When I told her during our first argument to stop teaching me and to "be silent," while she did obey (can't believe I'm using that word), she also really, really wanted to say something back. That's why she stuttered, and that's why she looked at me with a sort of bewilderment before scoffing and walking away. Naturally, she knows that she has a voice, and she knows that she should be able to use it. She believes she has some sort of defense, and she wants to make it. But she can't. She can't because men are in charge and she is not permitted to lead them. Wanting so badly to argue but knowing that she can't creates inner turmoil, and it makes her angry. Maybe I'm being too optimistic in thinking so, but I think that's a good thing. Being faced with putting her beliefs into practice rattles her, and maybe, in some way, that causes a crack or two in the foundation of her ideology.

But, probably not. More likely, she just does what she's done most of her life: get secretly angry at men for putting her "in her place" while submitting fully. It just fucking disgusts me to no end. I'm sick and tired of this sexist bullshit, and I decided to rant about it. At this point, I'm about ready to be done being a good grandson. I'm leaving in less than a month now, and I'm thinking about just saying "fuck it." The old bat can get her own shit sorted out. Fix your own damn TV, clean your own damn house, take your own damn car to the shop and go buy your own fucking groceries.

Those are my orders, female. CHOP CHOP.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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07-02-2015, 03:15 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
(07-02-2015 02:51 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  She'll sit there and rail against men all day long, but when the topic of women are brought up, she'll insist that she is second-class and that all women should sit down and shut the fuck up: the MEN are in charge.

It probably makes for a more comfortable excuse for all her regrets in life. It allows her to put the blame on others.

Same with how she said that Adam was responsible for Eve. Maybe she is holding back her anger at her husband as well otherwise she will have to face something more unpleasant, especially at her time of life.
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07-02-2015, 03:42 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
(07-02-2015 03:15 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  
(07-02-2015 02:51 AM)Misanthropik Wrote:  She'll sit there and rail against men all day long, but when the topic of women are brought up, she'll insist that she is second-class and that all women should sit down and shut the fuck up: the MEN are in charge.

It probably makes for a more comfortable excuse for all her regrets in life. It allows her to put the blame on others.

Same with how she said that Adam was responsible for Eve. Maybe she is holding back her anger at her husband as well otherwise she will have to face something more unpleasant, especially at her time of life.

That definitely fits her personality. She's a hoarder, and her messy house has never been her fault. First it was her friends' fault because they didn't help her clean it up. Then it was grandpa's fault for being sick so she had to focus on him. Then it was his fault for dying and leaving her grief-stricken and unmotivated. Then it was the cat's fault for knocking everything down when she tries to clean up.

Maybe it's insensitive, but I just can't understand the mindset of someone who can't take responsibility. I'm even less empathetic when they start shitting on everyone around them because of it - especially when it's all wrapped in irrational faith-based ideology. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that these people exist.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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07-02-2015, 06:23 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
I think that should be "misandrist".

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07-02-2015, 08:15 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
A self-hating christian? I thought that was a job requirement.

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The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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07-02-2015, 08:23 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
tl;dr

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07-02-2015, 10:26 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
Ah, the suffering culture of the female and the psychological toll it takes.

It isn't just Bible believing Christian women who do this but women all over the world. It's mothers who encourage their daughters to be horribly circumcised and disfigured in Muslim and even non Muslim countries because this is just the way it's done. It's some sort of suffering culture thing that's handed down from one generation to another by the female.

And it doesn't necessarily have to have anything at all to do with religion. I was told by my mother that women have to suffer to be beautiful. High heeled shoes, makeup, stylish hair, clothes that are appealing, these items are sometimes not the most comfortable attire, but in order to be noticed by men and accepted as a modern woman, just a little suffering is in order. Because, you see, that's what women do to each other.

Yes, men and a male god have inflicted even more suffering on women but we seem to accept it. I'm not sure why we accept suffering so easily, but we do. It might have something to do with monthly cramps and the inconvenience of periods or the acceptance of childbirth pain.

I really donno why, but there it is. We like to suffer. Thumbsup

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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07-02-2015, 11:28 PM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
(07-02-2015 06:23 AM)Chas Wrote:  I think that should be "misandrist".

She's both, really, but my main complaint is with her misogyny. How a woman can sit there and argue passionately that her gender is "less than" completely blows my mind.

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07-02-2015, 11:35 PM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
(07-02-2015 10:26 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Ah, the suffering culture of the female and the psychological toll it takes.

It isn't just Bible believing Christian women who do this but women all over the world. It's mothers who encourage their daughters to be horribly circumcised and disfigured in Muslim and even non Muslim countries because this is just the way it's done. It's some sort of suffering culture thing that's handed down from one generation to another by the female.

And it doesn't necessarily have to have anything at all to do with religion. I was told by my mother that women have to suffer to be beautiful. High heeled shoes, makeup, stylish hair, clothes that are appealing, these items are sometimes not the most comfortable attire, but in order to be noticed by men and accepted as a modern woman, just a little suffering is in order. Because, you see, that's what women do to each other.

Yes, men and a male god have inflicted even more suffering on women but we seem to accept it. I'm not sure why we accept suffering so easily, but we do. It might have something to do with monthly cramps and the inconvenience of periods or the acceptance of childbirth pain.

I really donno why, but there it is. We like to suffer. Thumbsup

But clothes, shoes and makeup are pretty fun. For bring so.....repressive.
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08-02-2015, 12:43 AM
RE: Misogynist Grandmother
(07-02-2015 11:35 PM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  
(07-02-2015 10:26 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Ah, the suffering culture of the female and the psychological toll it takes.

It isn't just Bible believing Christian women who do this but women all over the world. It's mothers who encourage their daughters to be horribly circumcised and disfigured in Muslim and even non Muslim countries because this is just the way it's done. It's some sort of suffering culture thing that's handed down from one generation to another by the female.

And it doesn't necessarily have to have anything at all to do with religion. I was told by my mother that women have to suffer to be beautiful. High heeled shoes, makeup, stylish hair, clothes that are appealing, these items are sometimes not the most comfortable attire, but in order to be noticed by men and accepted as a modern woman, just a little suffering is in order. Because, you see, that's what women do to each other.

Yes, men and a male god have inflicted even more suffering on women but we seem to accept it. I'm not sure why we accept suffering so easily, but we do. It might have something to do with monthly cramps and the inconvenience of periods or the acceptance of childbirth pain.

I really donno why, but there it is. We like to suffer. Thumbsup

But clothes, shoes and makeup are pretty fun. For bring so.....repressive.

Oh, I love clothes, shoes and makeup. Shoes in particular sometimes aren't comfortable though. I have a pair of fabulous high heeled shoes, they're as sexy as can be, but damn, I can't wear them for very long, they hurt like hell. I wear them anyway. I wear them to keep my husband interested, and I feel sexy in them but geeze, I noticed he wears comfy shoes all the time.

I don't think men would stand for the uncomfortableness of clothing that women put up with because women are more willing to suffer just a little.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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