Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
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23-07-2013, 07:04 PM
Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
Hi everyone,
Hope you are all well and happySmile
I need some help on how to deal with my mom about her religiousness… again… I was considering telling her that I’m an atheist, but due to her sensitivity and her depression I decided against it. But the problem did not go away.
Every single conversation we have comes to god. God to be praised for everything! I’ve got a new haircut cut and mom told me that I look very nice and I’m just a very beautiful girl (in my mom’s eye, of courseSmile. It was really nice of her to say that, I really appreciate it. But then she goes: god made you so beautiful. I’m trying to let it go, and making a small joke, well, actually you and dad made me. One thing after another, and I find myself trying to prove her that I came out like that because of her and dad’s DNA, not because god designed me that way. She goes, oh so you believe in Darwin. At this point my jaw drops and I am fuming. And she tells me with this smirky smile that yes, maybe we did evolve but where did all of that came from anyway. Of course from god!WeepingWeepingWeepingWeepingWeepingWeepingWeeping
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
My mom is a very intelligent person, when I was growing up I was encouraged to learn and get a great education. But I look at her now I am scared she’s brain washed. She goes to church every day, she goes to this Christian bible study groups and Christian festivals.
I mean I am trying to be understanding, accepting and respectful. But it drives me INSANE! Pray for this, pray for that.
I have issues at work with a colleague. I’m not sure how to handle the situation - Pray and love him.
My husband broke an arm. – Why don’t you pray for him? He’s your HUSBAND. How selfish of you!
I don’t have money to attend a Spanish course, because my car broke down and I had to pay for it. - Let’s pray that you find the money.
All I want to ask if I need I pray every time I want to fart? I didn’t say thatSad
All of those examples are from yesterday’s conversation. That’s 1 hour of talking to my mom. I try to talk about something else I do ask her if we can talk about other topics rather than god, but it still all comes back to it, Praise the lord. She’s like a broken record.
What shall I do? How can I be more patient? Anything I can read or watch on the topic. How do I not get frustrated with all that god god god god god god god god! I really appreciate your helpSmile
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23-07-2013, 07:47 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
How old are you? Personally I'd not tell her. I would just listen and ask questions on occassion...not every time. Just once in a while. See what she says...

Hug


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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23-07-2013, 07:48 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
(23-07-2013 07:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  How old are you? Personally I'd not tell her. I would just listen and ask questions on occassion...not every time. Just once in a while. See what she says...

Hug

I'm 27. I do consider myself more or less grown upSmile
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23-07-2013, 07:53 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
(23-07-2013 07:48 PM)Happy Wrote:  
(23-07-2013 07:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  How old are you? Personally I'd not tell her. I would just listen and ask questions on occassion...not every time. Just once in a while. See what she says...

Hug

I'm 27. I do consider myself more or less grown upSmile

Oh...we have many teens here...usually they're the ones posting with these issues because they're kids and can't really just leave home.

So you don't live with your mom then? Much easier to just avoid the topic or when she brings it up, ask a question about her belief or what she said. She might just get bored.

Hugs again...


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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23-07-2013, 08:01 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
(23-07-2013 07:53 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Oh...we have many teens here...usually they're the ones posting with these issues because they're kids and can't really just leave home.

So you don't live with your mom then? Much easier to just avoid the topic or when she brings it up, ask a question about her belief or what she said. She might just get bored.

Hugs again...

Thank youSmile I hope I didn't come out rude with my answer about my age.
I don't live with my mom, in fact I live in a different country on the other side of the world. But she still gets me. I'm just tired to listed the same stuff over and over againSmile
I'll try that

Thank youSmile
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23-07-2013, 08:20 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
(23-07-2013 08:01 PM)Happy Wrote:  
(23-07-2013 07:53 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Oh...we have many teens here...usually they're the ones posting with these issues because they're kids and can't really just leave home.

So you don't live with your mom then? Much easier to just avoid the topic or when she brings it up, ask a question about her belief or what she said. She might just get bored.

Hugs again...

Thank youSmile I hope I didn't come out rude with my answer about my age.
I don't live with my mom, in fact I live in a different country on the other side of the world. But she still gets me. I'm just tired to listed the same stuff over and over againSmile
I'll try that

Thank youSmile
crap. Crap crap..

Lost my reply...

Anyway -- what I'd do is when you talk to her and she starts talking about god, divert the convo to somethjng science-y, like did you know whales have a pelvis and femur bones?

when someone tells me to pray...I usually deflect it. Like in the case of your husband (which I assume you weren't being rhetorical about) I'd brush it off saying that oh it'll heal..just takes time. Or his doctor said whatever.

It is totally exhausting tho...

Hug


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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23-07-2013, 10:27 PM (This post was last modified: 23-07-2013 10:31 PM by amyb.)
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
What MSBB said.

I have a lot of relatives like that (my mom only gets that way occasionally) and it just ruins conversations with them. Like last month my grandma got knee surgery,it went well, she was doing well with physically therapy and my aunt posted about it on Facebook, saying "Prayers DO work!" [headdesk] Yeah, the efforts of the surgeon and my grandma herself don't count, I guess. ^_^

but anyway, only you know your mom and how she might respond to certain things. Whenever my mom says something very religious, I just outright tell her how stupid it sounds. But I don't advocate that practice because some people aren't going to take it that well.

And there are also relatives I just stopped talking to because they were unable to say one sentence without God in it. Though it sounds like you don't want to stop talking to your mom, just to have a godfree conversation. In that case, I would suggest maybe gently refuting some of the god stuff. If she said god made flowers beautiful, explain about insects and pollination or something as an alternate way of viewing these things. I especially like to do this whenever medical stuff is mentioned. For example, if my aunt says praying made my grandma's surgery go well, I'd mention medical science, the doctors, and my grandma's efforts with her physical therapy.

I'm not sure of exactly how open you are about your lack of belief. It's also possible that she does it even MORE with you (1) because you "believe in Darwin" [headdesk] and (2)because she cares about you and wants to "save" you. This can be a difficult situation.
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23-07-2013, 10:56 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
It sounds like God is something she really values in her life.
She obviously really loves you too (because you'll talk to each other a lot by the sounds of it even though you live half way around the world.).

I think if you told her you're an atheist it would break her heart. I think even if she accepted you're atheism she would still be dissapointed on some level. It's a really shitty situation to be in I'm sure.
Ultimately the decision is yours however in my opinion I would suck it up and not tell her.
I think you're frustration with her bringing up god is the far easier burden (oh god listen to how cheesy I sound right now Dodgy ) to bare then your mother hearing you're an atheist. So... suck it up. Sorry.

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23-07-2013, 11:14 PM (This post was last modified: 23-07-2013 11:21 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
How about abruptly change the subject, whenever she starts in.
"Say, by the way, did you hear about ... "
Pick something that she dislikes, or finds VERY boring, or distasteful, or disgusting, like "You know, I was reading about frog poop again, and it's so fascinating. Don't you think it's fascinating? It's all green and slimy. You really should read about frog poop. Have you studied frog poop ever ? Oh you'll love frog poop." Keep doing it, every time, so she learns whenever SHE brings up religion, sure as shit, YOU will start in with ... whatever it is. She will stop. Learned response, from negative reinforcement.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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23-07-2013, 11:52 PM
RE: Mom, can we talk about something else but god?
I dunno. You might find it OK. I also feared telling my parents for a very long time. When I finally did tell them initially my Mama was a bit shocked (she should have seen the admission coming from a long way off though, I was clearly not into Christian stuff). She did react... I dunno, not badly, but there were a few WTF moments. Dad I think is a closet atheist anyway so I didn't get any problems from him.

I did find it easier talking to her and Dad after that though. I told them that it was uncomfortable lying to them... and this is not what I believe any more, and I've thought about it long and hard, and if God wants me to believe then he can change my mind any time he wants Tongue

It took a while but eventually we reached some sort of understanding. If I visit them on a Sunday I will read the Bible with them, they don't give me grief about atheism... it works.

Yeah, obviously it's your life and you can judge best, maybe telling her is not really an option, just thought I'd suggest it.
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