Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
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05-02-2015, 08:31 AM
Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
That's the question my son has asked me, point blank, twice now. And so far I have dodged the question or given non-answers. I'd like to just be able to be upfront with him and say "Yeah, I've got a boyfriend," but I'm still living at home with my own parents and if I tell my children that I've got a boyfriend, my parents will be soon to find out, and then will come the talks and the advice, and all the bs that I simply don't want to hear.

My parents will not like Rev. He's not a "good ole' boy", he's not a "good Christian man", he's not an outdoorsy/hunter type (which, my dad and brother both are), he's a "Yankee", he's a liberal, he's smart and he knows it (which they'll probably take as arrogance), and well, we're gonna be living together soon (in sin! Gasp ). I think that given time...

Okay, scratch that. I can't sit here and think that maybe someday they will like him because they have never liked anyone I've taken an interest in. No one is good enough, so whatever.

Point is, I would like to go ahead and tell my children about Rev. That he'll be moving out to Texas (around summer time) and that the kids will be living in the same home with him every other week means that this is going to affect their lives. So of course they should know. But I just do not want to deal with the slut-shaming speeches from my mother or all the "advice" she'll give me about this. And once my kids find out for sure that I do have a boyfriend, it's only a matter of time before word gets back to my mother. >.>

DLJ suggested once that I let my ex go first (with announcing an SO) and well, he has. He met someone in December and says things are getting serious so the kids are gonna meet her soon. I don't know if that's what has prompted my son asking me if I have a boyfriend with such persistance now or what but I do not know what to do.

Rev and I had decided that really, there was not much to be gained in telling my parents (or other adults in my life) about he and I, but that there was a good deal to be lost (my sanity Tongue ) if they did find out. It is hard though, to keep hearing my son ask and it is hard to keep dodging the question. It feels so dishonest. Sad

Any advice, my friends? Undecided

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05-02-2015, 09:46 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
I dunno....Years back I dated this woman for a while, then she moved in with her daughter....

While we were dating - she lied a couple of times to her mom, and sisters - to get a quick babysitter.....

Young and dumb that I was - I didn't consider that....

Later on -- I did -- and I realized if she could lie with a straight face to her mom -- she could to me too.......

It didn't last long after I figured that out......

...

Just something to think on...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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05-02-2015, 09:53 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 08:31 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  That's the question my son has asked me, point blank, twice now. And so far I have dodged the question or given non-answers. I'd like to just be able to be upfront with him and say "Yeah, I've got a boyfriend," but I'm still living at home with my own parents and if I tell my children that I've got a boyfriend, my parents will be soon to find out, and then will come the talks and the advice, and all the bs that I simply don't want to hear.

My parents will not like Rev. He's not a "good ole' boy", he's not a "good Christian man", he's not an outdoorsy/hunter type (which, my dad and brother both are), he's a "Yankee", he's a liberal, he's smart and he knows it (which they'll probably take as arrogance), and well, we're gonna be living together soon (in sin! Gasp ). I think that given time...

Okay, scratch that. I can't sit here and think that maybe someday they will like him because they have never liked anyone I've taken an interest in. No one is good enough, so whatever.

Point is, I would like to go ahead and tell my children about Rev. That he'll be moving out to Texas (around summer time) and that the kids will be living in the same home with him every other week means that this is going to affect their lives. So of course they should know. But I just do not want to deal with the slut-shaming speeches from my mother or all the "advice" she'll give me about this. And once my kids find out for sure that I do have a boyfriend, it's only a matter of time before word gets back to my mother. >.>

DLJ suggested once that I let my ex go first (with announcing an SO) and well, he has. He met someone in December and says things are getting serious so the kids are gonna meet her soon. I don't know if that's what has prompted my son asking me if I have a boyfriend with such persistance now or what but I do not know what to do.

Rev and I had decided that really, there was not much to be gained in telling my parents (or other adults in my life) about he and I, but that there was a good deal to be lost (my sanity Tongue ) if they did find out. It is hard though, to keep hearing my son ask and it is hard to keep dodging the question. It feels so dishonest. Sad

Any advice, my friends? Undecided

Think of them (any of them) as being on a need-to-know basis and you get decide what and when they need to know.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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05-02-2015, 10:07 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 09:46 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  I dunno....Years back I dated this woman for a while, then she moved in with her daughter....

While we were dating - she lied a couple of times to her mom, and sisters - to get a quick babysitter.....

Young and dumb that I was - I didn't consider that....

Later on -- I did -- and I realized if she could lie with a straight face to her mom -- she could to me too.......

It didn't last long after I figured that out......

...

Just something to think on...

Get out of my thread. Dodgy

That made no sense and you are a troll. Fuck off. Big Grin

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05-02-2015, 10:39 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 10:07 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(05-02-2015 09:46 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  I dunno....Years back I dated this woman for a while, then she moved in with her daughter....

While we were dating - she lied a couple of times to her mom, and sisters - to get a quick babysitter.....

Young and dumb that I was - I didn't consider that....

Later on -- I did -- and I realized if she could lie with a straight face to her mom -- she could to me too.......

It didn't last long after I figured that out......

...

Just something to think on...

Get out of my thread. Dodgy

That made no sense and you are a troll. Fuck off. Big Grin

I may have come off a bit harsh, so... First off I have no idea what you were trying to say. It's just all kind of there and no real point. And, based upon your habits elsewhere in the forum, my assumption is that you were simply here to stir up shit.

Are you trying to say that by not answering the question, I'm lying to my kid? And what is up with the babysitter thing? Huh It's just all nonsense. So maybe if you can clarify then I won't assume your intentions are ill.

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05-02-2015, 10:49 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
Wow.....

My point is being up front is better than not.....

Your boyfriend might later wonder.... If you shade the truth with someone else - might you with him????

Just trying to let you see what his future perspective might be....

chill... not trying to stir -- just giving you an experience I had...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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05-02-2015, 10:50 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
At some point you are going to have to come clean to your kids. They have obviously caught on if they keep asking. Like Ive said before kids are a lot more clever then they get credit for. Maybe you could just give an answer like you have a "dear friend" for now?

As for everyone else I can't be much help, because my feelings for that is my private life is not for their approval or disapproval and its none of their damn business anyway.
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05-02-2015, 11:05 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 10:49 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Wow.....

My point is being up front is better than not.....

Your boyfriend might later wonder.... If you shade the truth with someone else - might you with him????

Just trying to let you see what his future perspective might be....

chill... not trying to stir -- just giving you an experience I had...

I hope he won't think that. Sadcryface

The problem is there is no nice way to say "none of your business" and really, it *is* my son's business, as this will affect his and my daughter's life. The problem also is that my relationship with my mother is not the best. I don't want her in my business, but she is very nosy and has no qualms about giving me advice even though I am 30 years old. Also, I am still living at home with said mother and father, barring being able to get myself out of their home and on my own. It's just a handful of months more. Anyway. Bleh. Sad

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05-02-2015, 11:12 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
I hope it goes well for you as well.....

Just wanted to share the train wreck that I call my life...

Big Grin

Sometimes it really sucks, sometimes it really hurts, but at least it's never boring...

hang in there...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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05-02-2015, 11:21 AM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
How old are your children ea? Can you tell them something in secret, are they old enough for that? The reason why i ask is I agree with hobbit girls suggestion of saying rev is a very close and dear friend. I was going to suggest that you coukd tell your children how special rev is, that he likes you as you are, that you feel he supports you and he makes you happy. You can describe everything a boyfriend is, without saying he is a boyfriend.

A poss problem i can see with that though is if they repeat what you told them in front of their grandparents. If they ask mom if she is going to see her special and close friend that might peak the interests of your parents and they might start asking questions who this special person is.

if your kids are old enough to understand why you want to keep it secret, that it would be easier..... just for now..... not to rush around telling anybody as it may caus some issues, then tell them.

There your kids, you tell them everything, they are your world, im sure you want to tell them the truth but it comes with a price. So its a toughie, yet i hope you can work it out.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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