Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
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05-02-2015, 06:10 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
I agree with those who said that you don't need to say all immediately. You can present him as a very dear friend, although this depends on your kids age. If they're old enough to understand the situation, I suppose you could tell him the truth, however you see fit.

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05-02-2015, 08:07 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(05-02-2015 08:31 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  That's the question my son has asked me, point blank, twice now. And so far I have dodged the question or given non-answers. I'd like to just be able to be upfront with him and say "Yeah, I've got a boyfriend," but I'm still living at home with my own parents and if I tell my children that I've got a boyfriend, my parents will be soon to find out, and then will come the talks and the advice, and all the bs that I simply don't want to hear.

My parents will not like Rev. He's not a "good ole' boy", he's not a "good Christian man", he's not an outdoorsy/hunter type (which, my dad and brother both are), he's a "Yankee", he's a liberal, he's smart and he knows it (which they'll probably take as arrogance), and well, we're gonna be living together soon (in sin! Gasp ). I think that given time...

Okay, scratch that. I can't sit here and think that maybe someday they will like him because they have never liked anyone I've taken an interest in. No one is good enough, so whatever.

Point is, I would like to go ahead and tell my children about Rev. That he'll be moving out to Texas (around summer time) and that the kids will be living in the same home with him every other week means that this is going to affect their lives. So of course they should know. But I just do not want to deal with the slut-shaming speeches from my mother or all the "advice" she'll give me about this. And once my kids find out for sure that I do have a boyfriend, it's only a matter of time before word gets back to my mother. >.>

DLJ suggested once that I let my ex go first (with announcing an SO) and well, he has. He met someone in December and says things are getting serious so the kids are gonna meet her soon. I don't know if that's what has prompted my son asking me if I have a boyfriend with such persistance now or what but I do not know what to do.

Rev and I had decided that really, there was not much to be gained in telling my parents (or other adults in my life) about he and I, but that there was a good deal to be lost (my sanity Tongue ) if they did find out. It is hard though, to keep hearing my son ask and it is hard to keep dodging the question. It feels so dishonest. Sad

Any advice, my friends? Undecided

First things first:

YOU

This is not about your parents, your kids, or any family member. None of them can think for you, speak for you, or act for you.

You are in a situation were you are viewing the negative ramifications of what will happen if you "come out" about your boyfriend. You've mulled it over in your head about what is likely going to happen, and you are probably right.

Therefore, that is out of your hands because it's going to happen sooner or later, and you know it. So the best option is the sooner the better.

I mean why torture yourself over this and extend your pain about it when you can get it over with and move on? Since you already know what everybody is going to say anyway, then you most likely already have your response to them well rehearsed.

So get on with it. Get it off your chest. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are entirely entitled to stop griefing yourself over this and get all the rubbish about it out of your way as soon as possible so you can get busy living.

It's your life. Sure, you have kids and family, but right now this very instant this is all about you.

So do this for you.

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05-02-2015, 08:58 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
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I’m not in your shoes so take what I say with a boulder of salt BUT people will react not only to what you say but how you say it. If you present the facts matter-of-factly, with confidence this will have an effect on the listener.

If you present your situation timidly as though asking for permission then you shift the power to your parents or worse, fail to impart on your kids that this is the right thing for everyone.

Sometimes the “like it or lump it” approach works best.

Good luck with it all.

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06-02-2015, 12:27 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
EA - I'm happy for you and Rev Smile It's encouraging.

I don't have any advice. But it is a path I hope to take in a few years.

Going on my first first date in 11 years tonight. And my son will be well taken care of at his dad's.

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06-02-2015, 12:43 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
(06-02-2015 12:27 PM)Nurse Wrote:  EA - I'm happy for you and Rev Smile It's encouraging.

I don't have any advice. But it is a path I hope to take in a few years.

Going on my first first date in 11 years tonight. And my son will be well taken care of at his dad's.

Well, at least you're a responsible sexual hedonist. Big Grin

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06-02-2015, 12:57 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
Edit: Ninja'd by Moms.

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06-02-2015, 12:58 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
Thread was split off to the viper's pit

Quasiatheist I strongly suggest you have a look at our forum rules .


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06-02-2015, 12:58 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
Goddamit, talk about bad timing.

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06-02-2015, 01:02 PM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2015 01:48 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
Let's get back to the subject. (and) note all replies to Quasiatheist will be removed...keep them in the proper thread.

Thread Reopened.


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And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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06-02-2015, 01:04 PM
RE: Mom, do you have a boyfriend?
EA and Revs Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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