Momzilla is at it again... :(
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29-01-2017, 07:10 PM
Momzilla is at it again... :(
I called my sister today to catch up since her trip to St. Martin. She is still in contact with our mother even though it's infrequent. She did travel to NC for the memorial service for the man mom threw dad out for, as did our brother. Kristi and Mark knew him, I didn't so I had no feelings about his loss one way or another...this is a man who dated mom when she was 15 years old though he was married and had children in another state...but anyway that's a whole other issue.

Apparently mom was hospitalized under suicide watch earlier this month. She was smashed on cheap wine and kept calling 911 until they finally sent someone to check on her. It's not that any of us kids take a threat of suicide lightly but we also don't believe that was the case. Again, we think it was her way of getting attention. It's not our first rodeo with this kind of stuff with her, it's been going on for decades. At least she choose cheap wine this time and not the rubbing alcohol and milk cocktails that landed her in facilities in the past.

Then she is claimed she has been diagnosed with bipolar though she hasn't been put on any meds to treat same. My brother conveyed to my sister that he had never seen mom be manic in her life. He should know, he works with the inmates who are held in the facility that houses the ones with mental issues. I feel certain he has witnessed the manic episodes of those who really have bipolar disorder.

After that didn't get the reaction hoped for she changed gears and said that she has never lived alone before and that's what had her in such a state. She has spent nearly 77 years pushing people away and now is surprised that she is alone.

After the situations posted here about estranged family and such I decided it was a good time to broach the issue of mom's demise and my reaction to same with my sister. Mom has been dead to me for years. I ask my sister about her in an effort to be ease the situation so that Kristi doesn't think she has to hold it in. I made it clear to my sister that I don't plan on doing anything other than carry on with my life when mom dies...Kristi understands...I am glad we got that out in the open.

Kristi and I both agree that mom is a sociopath. Kristi is still constrained by societal expectations that she keep up some semblance of a relationship with Momzilla (the name Kristi gave her). Apparently mom keeps scheduling, cancelling, and rescheduling cataract surgery and Kristi feels it's because she is waiting for either her or Mark to travel there and take care of her afterward. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Not going means they are bad children...going with be fraught with all sorts of other bullshit.

Though I haven't had direct contact with Momzilla in years, her crap still reaches out and causes angst.

There is just no good answer. sigh

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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29-01-2017, 08:13 PM (This post was last modified: 29-01-2017 08:20 PM by Momsurroundedbyboys.)
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(29-01-2017 07:10 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I called my sister today to catch up since her trip to St. Martin. She is still in contact with our mother even though it's infrequent. She did travel to NC for the memorial service for the man mom threw dad out for, as did our brother. Kristi and Mark knew him, I didn't so I had no feelings about his loss one way or another...this is a man who dated mom when she was 15 years old though he was married and had children in another state...but anyway that's a whole other issue.

Apparently mom was hospitalized under suicide watch earlier this month. She was smashed on cheap wine and kept calling 911 until they finally sent someone to check on her. It's not that any of us kids take a threat of suicide lightly but we also don't believe that was the case. Again, we think it was her way of getting attention. It's not our first rodeo with this kind of stuff with her, it's been going on for decades. At least she choose cheap wine this time and not the rubbing alcohol and milk cocktails that landed her in facilities in the past.

Then she is claimed she has been diagnosed with bipolar though she hasn't been put on any meds to treat same. My brother conveyed to my sister that he had never seen mom be manic in her life. He should know, he works with the inmates who are held in the facility that houses the ones with mental issues. I feel certain he has witnessed the manic episodes of those who really have bipolar disorder.

After that didn't get the reaction hoped for she changed gears and said that she has never lived alone before and that's what had her in such a state. She has spent nearly 77 years pushing people away and now is surprised that she is alone.

After the situations posted here about estranged family and such I decided it was a good time to broach the issue of mom's demise and my reaction to same with my sister. Mom has been dead to me for years. I ask my sister about her in an effort to be ease the situation so that Kristi doesn't think she has to hold it in. I made it clear to my sister that I don't plan on doing anything other than carry on with my life when mom dies...Kristi understands...I am glad we got that out in the open.

Kristi and I both agree that mom is a sociopath. Kristi is still constrained by societal expectations that she keep up some semblance of a relationship with Momzilla (the name Kristi gave her). Apparently mom keeps scheduling, cancelling, and rescheduling cataract surgery and Kristi feels it's because she is waiting for either her or Mark to travel there and take care of her afterward. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Not going means they are bad children...going with be fraught with all sorts of other bullshit.

Though I haven't had direct contact with Momzilla in years, her crap still reaches out and causes angst.

There is just no good answer. sigh

My grandma was like that. She was just toxic but she was only toxic to people closest to her, my me, my mother in law, and maybe one or two others -- certainly my grandpa got the brunt of her wrath more than he should have. Everyone else she was just as nice as could be. It made my life miserable. So I get it. Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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29-01-2017, 08:58 PM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(29-01-2017 08:13 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(29-01-2017 07:10 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I called my sister today to catch up since her trip to St. Martin. She is still in contact with our mother even though it's infrequent. She did travel to NC for the memorial service for the man mom threw dad out for, as did our brother. Kristi and Mark knew him, I didn't so I had no feelings about his loss one way or another...this is a man who dated mom when she was 15 years old though he was married and had children in another state...but anyway that's a whole other issue.

Apparently mom was hospitalized under suicide watch earlier this month. She was smashed on cheap wine and kept calling 911 until they finally sent someone to check on her. It's not that any of us kids take a threat of suicide lightly but we also don't believe that was the case. Again, we think it was her way of getting attention. It's not our first rodeo with this kind of stuff with her, it's been going on for decades. At least she choose cheap wine this time and not the rubbing alcohol and milk cocktails that landed her in facilities in the past.

Then she is claimed she has been diagnosed with bipolar though she hasn't been put on any meds to treat same. My brother conveyed to my sister that he had never seen mom be manic in her life. He should know, he works with the inmates who are held in the facility that houses the ones with mental issues. I feel certain he has witnessed the manic episodes of those who really have bipolar disorder.

After that didn't get the reaction hoped for she changed gears and said that she has never lived alone before and that's what had her in such a state. She has spent nearly 77 years pushing people away and now is surprised that she is alone.

After the situations posted here about estranged family and such I decided it was a good time to broach the issue of mom's demise and my reaction to same with my sister. Mom has been dead to me for years. I ask my sister about her in an effort to be ease the situation so that Kristi doesn't think she has to hold it in. I made it clear to my sister that I don't plan on doing anything other than carry on with my life when mom dies...Kristi understands...I am glad we got that out in the open.

Kristi and I both agree that mom is a sociopath. Kristi is still constrained by societal expectations that she keep up some semblance of a relationship with Momzilla (the name Kristi gave her). Apparently mom keeps scheduling, cancelling, and rescheduling cataract surgery and Kristi feels it's because she is waiting for either her or Mark to travel there and take care of her afterward. It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Not going means they are bad children...going with be fraught with all sorts of other bullshit.

Though I haven't had direct contact with Momzilla in years, her crap still reaches out and causes angst.

There is just no good answer. sigh

My grandma was like that. She was just toxic but she was only toxic to people closest to her, my me, my mother in law, and maybe one or two others -- certainly my grandpa got the brunt of her wrath more than he should have. Everyone else she was just as nice as could be. It made my life miserable. So I get it. Hug

I had a woman my parents' age call my mother a loose canon. Though those closest to her have always taken the brunt of her abuse that statement proved to me that we weren't exclusive.

My mother used to tape our mouths shut...my sister referred to her today as being evil. Some behavior was overt but she is smart and a lot of her abuse was more subtle and, I think, well planned to cause the most damage while being something others wouldn't pick up on.

There came a point though, in my hometown, where a lot of people avoided her because they didn't know what she might say or do.

I admit to being jealous of my friends who had/have loving, caring mothers...I didn't have that.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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29-01-2017, 11:14 PM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(29-01-2017 08:58 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(29-01-2017 08:13 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  My grandma was like that. She was just toxic but she was only toxic to people closest to her, my me, my mother in law, and maybe one or two others -- certainly my grandpa got the brunt of her wrath more than he should have. Everyone else she was just as nice as could be. It made my life miserable. So I get it. Hug

I had a woman my parents' age call my mother a loose canon. Though those closest to her have always taken the brunt of her abuse that statement proved to me that we weren't exclusive.

My mother used to tape our mouths shut...my sister referred to her today as being evil. Some behavior was overt but she is smart and a lot of her abuse was more subtle and, I think, well planned to cause the most damage while being something others wouldn't pick up on.

There came a point though, in my hometown, where a lot of people avoided her because they didn't know what she might say or do.

I admit to being jealous of my friends who had/have loving, caring mothers...I didn't have that.

Damnit. At least we love you here. Hug , for all that an e-hug is worth.
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30-01-2017, 12:00 AM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(29-01-2017 08:58 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(29-01-2017 08:13 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  My grandma was like that. She was just toxic but she was only toxic to people closest to her, my me, my mother in law, and maybe one or two others -- certainly my grandpa got the brunt of her wrath more than he should have. Everyone else she was just as nice as could be. It made my life miserable. So I get it. Hug

I had a woman my parents' age call my mother a loose canon. Though those closest to her have always taken the brunt of her abuse that statement proved to me that we weren't exclusive.

My mother used to tape our mouths shut...my sister referred to her today as being evil. Some behavior was overt but she is smart and a lot of her abuse was more subtle and, I think, well planned to cause the most damage while being something others wouldn't pick up on.

There came a point though, in my hometown, where a lot of people avoided her because they didn't know what she might say or do.

I admit to being jealous of my friends who had/have loving, caring mothers...I didn't have that.

Hug

My grandmother's abuse was definitely mental abuse than physical. I do get last point though. I wished for a normal mom too..caring...

I did have that eventually with my mother in law (even though she drove me crazy at times but I guess thats what normal families do-- I don't know I never had one). But from the blood relatives...Never.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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30-01-2017, 04:45 AM (This post was last modified: 30-01-2017 05:46 AM by Deesse23.)
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
Anjele,

need i say something? I dont think so. Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug

If its the only way for you to stay sane, then by all means cut all ties to your mother, or keep it that way. You dont owe your mental health to her, just because she gave birth to you!

More info unraveled about my mom. Talked to her neighbours of 25y (incidently i have cut ties 25y ago). She was very yobviously not sociopathic but mentally unstable or ill. She could (until last year) deal with people in a very *normal* way (like Mom said), but there was one single topic even they said she was totally obsessed with.

When i introduced myself to the enighbours and sad how sorry i am for not having been in contact with her for long, the wife (who happens to be a nurse) smiled ad said: "Oh, you have been here, EVERY night in fact."
I didnt get it, so she continued (with a more rugueish smile):"You were having parties in the 1st floor each night, you were going in and out of the hous eat will, stealing stuff, hiding stuff from her, and in general trying to snag away the house from her. She changes locks twice in the past years. When we asked her what do do with the house, she said she will give it to you, because she still loves you".

At that point it was all clear for me and my heart was broken. My mom was for the later part of her life obsessed with the idea of me trying to steal her house. OBSESSED. While this is 100% untrue, and the neighbours agreed that its BS, i was thinking how life looked from her perspective. Her life must have been real sad, particularly when she also got physically sick and couldnt take care of herself anymore.

I still stand by my decision that it was the only way for me to cut ties with her. Sometimes you have to chose between plague and cholera, just like you said, damn if you do, damn if oyu dont.

The funeral will be on 10th, and me and her neighbours will be paying respect to her. Its the least, and last, thing i could do for my mother as a human being. As a son i was out of options decades ago.

So, without knowing my last words were indeed prophetic and true, that the next time we will meet, will be at her funeral.

I hope you and everybody else who reads this will remember it and learn, so finally something good will come out of the tragedy of my mom at last.

Hug x100 again Anjele

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30-01-2017, 06:14 AM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
I'm sorry. You've made a good decision, even though it's painful, for your own peace of mind. I'm glad your sister and you have also been able to talk to each other about the situation, and even more glad that it's not become an issue of contention between you.

(And even though it's probably a lost cause, I hope at some point your mother gets her substance abuse and mental illness under control.)
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30-01-2017, 07:11 AM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(30-01-2017 06:14 AM)julep Wrote:  I'm sorry. You've made a good decision, even though it's painful, for your own peace of mind. I'm glad your sister and you have also been able to talk to each other about the situation, and even more glad that it's not become an issue of contention between you.

(And even though it's probably a lost cause, I hope at some point your mother gets her substance abuse and mental illness under control.)

Oh, it was a big issue between us for some years. I actually approached my niece to see if she thought her mom (my sister) would be open for contact again. Momzilla had driven a wedge so deeply between us that I didn't know if it could ever be removed. Part of her MO was to pit we three kids against each other...it still is an issue as I don't have contact with my brother.

As for mom getting better...how can she...there is nothing wrong with her, just ask her and she will tell you. Everything is someone else's fault. Undecided

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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03-02-2017, 12:47 AM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
(29-01-2017 07:10 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Though I haven't had direct contact with Momzilla in years, her crap still reaches out and causes angst.

There is just no good answer. sigh

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, whether it is bipolar or some personality disorder, it doesn't matter. It hurts the same! From what you're describing, I would consider Borderline Personality Disorder due to the recurrent suicide threats and the splitting behavior (e.g. black and white thinking). Have you ever read the book "I hate you, don't leave me"? (here's a link to the full pdf! https://www.cappcny.org/home/media/i-hat...ve-me.pdf) It's helped me in some ways in the past with some people I've known that have Borderline tendencies.

I also experienced some kinds of emotional abuse from my parents, and I am in the beginning stages of coming to grips with it. It's hard when my siblings are still engaging with them, and they are being told that I'm the bad person for whatever I did, I don't know. I'm no contact with my parents now, not playing their games anymore. I used to be the "Perfect Child," but I stopped being a puppet. Anyway, I really hope things get better for you. I don't have much in the way of experience to offer, other than I fear similar situations in the future of dealing with their mortality. Here's to hoping things get better for people like us. Take care & love yourself fully! Heart

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03-02-2017, 02:15 AM
RE: Momzilla is at it again... :(
The link is broken

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