More Than Halfway "Out"
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08-07-2014, 12:11 PM
More Than Halfway "Out"
A few months ago I told my wife that I was no longer a Christian and that I was more of an agnostic. I have been an atheist for about a year now and it has been a struggle not being able to be myself around her. Telling her that little bit was so refreshing and was a load off of my shoulders.

Agnostic Atheist would be more of a correct definition, but saying that I am agnostic by itself was more than enough to help her to come to terms with my lack of belief.

We will be married 5 years this year and we are having our first child. This has been a very big deal for us, yet she does her best to not talk about it. We had a little discussion last night and she says that she feels like even though everything else in our life is happy and that we lack for nothing, because I don't believe she feels like there is "something missing".

Has anyone else dealt with this? I know that time is definitely needed with a situation like this, but it is difficult to think that somehow a belief in some magic being would make our life better than it already is, and I don't know how to communicate it without being offensive.

Ideas or similar stories are welcomed!

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10-07-2014, 02:05 PM
RE: More Than Halfway "Out"
I can relate somewhat to your situation, although you're ahead of me -- I've only mentioned to my wife that I have "some doubts". I'm slowly working my way up to telling her that I no longer believe.

If she's still a practicing Christian, maybe she feels that she can't share certain things with you (fear of being judged, or starting an argument, etc.). How do you handle her statements about her faith? I'm asking because I expect to be in your shoes soon.
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16-07-2014, 09:50 AM
Wink RE: More Than Halfway "Out"
(10-07-2014 02:05 PM)ShelbySeeker77 Wrote:  I can relate somewhat to your situation, although you're ahead of me -- I've only mentioned to my wife that I have "some doubts". I'm slowly working my way up to telling her that I no longer believe.

If she's still a practicing Christian, maybe she feels that she can't share certain things with you (fear of being judged, or starting an argument, etc.). How do you handle her statements about her faith? I'm asking because I expect to be in your shoes soon.

I really tried to keep the focus on me and what I feel about my own beliefs and how my mindset has changed. I haven't been using "you" in conversations with her just to make things a little easier. I am assuming that she thinks that I find her faith silly, but we haven't addressed that specifically. The thing is, I understand her faith because I lived like that for so long! I know that she is hoping that this is a phase and that I will come back to religion. I have assured her that isn't likely without some good evidence, but I think that she is hanging on to that a little bit.

I am willing to compromise and support her. I shared with her that I am willing to go to church with her if she wants to as something that we do together, as long as she isn't doing it to convert me. It's been a few months and we only went once. I know it is hard on her and I can only imagine what her Christian friends are saying - encouraging her to keep hope that I will come back, most likely.

We don't talk about it often, but I know that we both think about it. The annoying thing is that if there wasn't this magical idea of a god hanging over our relationship, we would be 100% perfect with our lives right now. Thanks, god. hahaha.

Good luck with your journey. I am here if you need to vent Smile

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16-07-2014, 10:19 AM
RE: More Than Halfway "Out"
I'm kind of having the exact opposite issue. My husband knows I'm atheist, but doesn't have an opinion on it, or really anything. However, he thinks I should keep it to myself and not tell anyone. I told my father to, and he had the same reaction. Haven't told my mom, which is going to be the hardest to do. I live in a small town in the bible belt with a church on every corner. I don't like hiding who I am but we all know xtians can be assholes to atheists.

Your wife is either going to accept it, or not. Hopefully she eventually will go down the same path of enlightenment as you. In the meantime, I suggest counseling, especially with a baby on the way. Things won't get any easier with a little one to take care of. Good luck!
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