Mormon baptising the dead
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18-03-2016, 02:01 PM
Mormon baptising the dead
So in the pursuit of my mother's birth certificate and trying to find her parentage (which is it's not going well at all, by the way) I joined Ancestry dot com knowing full well that the Mormon's owned the company. I know of their nutty custom of baptising dead people by proxy so the dead can attain the highest level of.....I donno... the highest level of some Mormon heaven or a nicer planet or some such rot.

It bothers the hell out of me that in looking around for ones ancestry one runs into the Mormons everywhere. They have their hands in every goddamn genealogy database around the world, just so they can fuckin baptise every one's great grandparents. Fuckin pisses me off.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_p...roxy_.html

HOWEVER! I am an ordained Dudeist Priestess. http://dudeism.com/ Thereofore, I have the authority to override and UNbaptise every dead person the Mormons have ever fucking baptised.



*clears throat* Cool

By the authority of the Dude and in the presence of this Holy Bowling Alley, I hear by UNBAPTISE all dead people in the name of the The Big Lebowski, The Dude and this Pissed on Rug. May they find peace in their Holey Shorts and Sandals and may their bones enrich the earth like the great Coffee Can of Cremated Ashes. Amen and shut the fuck up Donnie!


There. I fixed it.

Smokin

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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18-03-2016, 03:37 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
Follow the procedure.




Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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18-03-2016, 04:44 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
(18-03-2016 03:37 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  Follow the procedure.






But you see, Bill only reversed Mitt Romney's late father whereas I belong to the Church of the Latter Day Dude and we have authority over the fucking Mormons. Our Bowling Alley Balls are ass kickingly better than those wimpy Mormon Seer Stones.



[Image: Screen%2Bshot%2B2011-03-24%2Bat%2B8.49.05%2BPM.png]

vs.

[Image: The%2BSeer%2BStone.jpg]

Smokin



Therefore, with my official Dudist invocation I have totally and completely reversed ALLLLLLLLLL Mormon baptism by proxy the world over. Theirs are null and void.

And may the Dude Abide. Cool

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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18-03-2016, 04:56 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
I am ordained in The Church of the Dude too.

I figure the Mormons will have to figure out how to un-Catholic baptize me so they can save my soul in their faith...pretty sure I screwed up any chances as a Catholic.

Oh well.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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18-03-2016, 05:43 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
I guess it's a nice thing to do in case those souls really are burning in Hell and then suddenly they ascended to Heaven, so I guess thanks Mormons! In that spirit perhaps we should all get baptized in every religious denomination just to cover all the bases.

As long as we are doing them the same favor I would like to baptize all the Mormons in the Church of Captain Crunch as well, I'm sure in his divine loving crunchiness he can find a path for them to join him in the land of cereals where no one is sad or angry and nothing ever gets soggy. I'm sure they'll be thankful later when they get there, as well as very confused but I guess that's to be expected when you go around baptizing strangers.

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18-03-2016, 05:45 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
(18-03-2016 05:43 PM)SitaSky Wrote:  I guess it's a nice thing to do in case those souls really are burning in Hell and then suddenly they ascended to Heaven, so I guess thanks Mormons! In that spirit perhaps we should all get baptized in every religious denomination just to cover all the bases.

As long as we are doing them the same favor I would like to baptize all the Mormons in the Church of Captain Crunch as well, I'm sure in his divine loving crunchiness he can find a path for them to join him in the land of cereals where no one is sad or angry and nothing ever gets soggy. I'm sure they'll be thankful later when they get there, as well as very confused but I guess that's to be expected when you go around baptizing strangers.

As long as there are crunchberries I am good with that. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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18-03-2016, 05:47 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
Mormons eh?

So that's why its so fucking expensive to join.

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18-03-2016, 05:54 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
(18-03-2016 04:56 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am ordained in The Church of the Dude too.

I figure the Mormons will have to figure out how to un-Catholic baptize me so they can save my soul in their faith...pretty sure I screwed up any chances as a Catholic.

Oh well.

I'm pretty sure screwed up is a prerequisite for Catholic so you might be okay.

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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18-03-2016, 05:58 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
(18-03-2016 05:54 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(18-03-2016 04:56 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am ordained in The Church of the Dude too.

I figure the Mormons will have to figure out how to un-Catholic baptize me so they can save my soul in their faith...pretty sure I screwed up any chances as a Catholic.

Oh well.

I'm pretty sure screwed up is a prerequisite for Catholic so you might be okay.

Dodgy

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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18-03-2016, 06:00 PM
RE: Mormon baptising the dead
(18-03-2016 05:45 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(18-03-2016 05:43 PM)SitaSky Wrote:  I guess it's a nice thing to do in case those souls really are burning in Hell and then suddenly they ascended to Heaven, so I guess thanks Mormons! In that spirit perhaps we should all get baptized in every religious denomination just to cover all the bases.

As long as we are doing them the same favor I would like to baptize all the Mormons in the Church of Captain Crunch as well, I'm sure in his divine loving crunchiness he can find a path for them to join him in the land of cereals where no one is sad or angry and nothing ever gets soggy. I'm sure they'll be thankful later when they get there, as well as very confused but I guess that's to be expected when you go around baptizing strangers.

As long as there are crunchberries I am good with that. Thumbsup

Oh yes, the crunch berries are plentiful, I went ahead and baptized you as well so no worries. Thumbsup

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