Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
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25-02-2016, 04:31 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(24-02-2016 12:44 AM)Free Thought Wrote:  Dear Madam Earmuffs;

What advice would you give to a young person who aspires to grow up to be a punster?

[Image: desktop-1410452716.png]

Quote:Thank you Muffly dear, you saved my life...I dumped my friends, saved money on snacks, and am stocking up on Raro... decided to purchase an old underground missile silo so I no longer have to be bothered by those pests. I am now waiting for armageddon and decorating the place, by painting on windows, and pretend curtains. What colors go with rusty, dank, spider fillled, swampy and filthy silos? I thought sunny yellow. Thanks again, you are the best,
c.

Happy to help.
Sunny yellow works.

Quote:I made an appointment at my school writing center, then called on that day to make absolutely sure someone would be there at that time, then when I got there no one was there.

How can I express my displeasure in a manner that's civil but still conveys my sincerest "fuck you"s? Consider

Formal letter of complaint. Usually the most polite complaints are the most "fuck you" complaints.

Quote:Dear Muffs,

I want to invest in a 3D printing company. The business is starting to boom, I'm hoping I can still get in early enough to buy stock at a reasonable price and watch it grow.

Which would be the best company to invest in, and where do I go to purchase this stock? I don't want to sign up for one of those broker websites, and I'm far too lazy to research.

Much thanks Heart
Smerc Big Grin

Every man and his dog is gonna be jumping on that gravy train.
You'd be better off investing in something more secure, such as my bank account. I'll pm you my account number.
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25-02-2016, 06:05 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
How much muff could earmuffs muff if earmuffs actually liked muff?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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25-02-2016, 06:48 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
My husband has 20 year old archery, science and other kinds of hobby magazines sitting around in cluttered stacks in the computer room. He says he's going to read them someday when he retires...... in 10 years. Dodgy

Should I:

1. Leave them alone while cursing under my breath?

2. Recycle them one at a time so he doesn't notice they are slowly disappearing?

3. Burn them in a fit of rage?

4. Sell them on ebay as fucking antique shit to clueless idiots?

5. Give them to the homeless as reading material and insulation?

6. Pee on them so they're not readable?

7. Get a bird and use them in the bottom of the cage?

Any other suggestions, oh wise Earl of Earmuffs, would be appreciated?

Note: I've already started on the second option but only in fits and starts. So far he hasn't noticed a thing. Laugh out load

PS You want any old magazines? I got some to spare.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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25-02-2016, 06:50 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(25-02-2016 04:31 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Formal letter of complaint. Usually the most polite complaints are the most "fuck you" complaints.

Thumbsup

#sigh
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25-02-2016, 07:27 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(25-02-2016 06:05 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  How much muff could earmuffs muff if earmuffs actually liked muff?

An earmuffs would muff as much muff as an earmuffs could muff muff.

Quote:My husband has 20 year old archery, science and other kinds of hobby magazines sitting around in cluttered stacks in the computer room. He says he's going to read them someday when he retires...... in 10 years. Dodgy

Should I:

1. Leave them alone while cursing under my breath?

2. Recycle them one at a time so he doesn't notice they are slowly disappearing?

3. Burn them in a fit of rage?

4. Sell them on ebay as fucking antique shit to clueless idiots?

5. Give them to the homeless as reading material and insulation?

6. Pee on them so they're not readable?

7. Get a bird and use them in the bottom of the cage?

Any other suggestions, oh wise Earl of Earmuffs, would be appreciated?

Note: I've already started on the second option but only in fits and starts. So far he hasn't noticed a thing. Laugh out load

Chop them up really finely and slowly sneak them into his food over the course of years.
Though number 2 is also good. Take the ones from the bottom so he wont notice them.
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25-02-2016, 09:26 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(25-02-2016 07:27 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(25-02-2016 06:05 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  How much muff could earmuffs muff if earmuffs actually liked muff?

An earmuffs would muff as much muff as an earmuffs could muff muff.

But earmuffs muffing muff would gross out muffs since muffs said muffs would muff sausage. (Or cable technicians)

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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25-02-2016, 09:33 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(23-02-2016 05:14 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  As you lot know, I clearly know what the fuck I'm doing in life (because nothing says life success like an anti-social, narcissistic, 24 year old closet gay New Kiwilander who works security at a local retail store because he got kicked out of university because too much xbox and is too lazy to get off his lazy ass and do what he really wants to be doing in life) and so how you seek the advice of your mema for cooking chilli you may ask me how you may better adult (or teenage, I'm not ageist.) in your life.

Work issues? I'll help you out.
Relationship issues? I offer unbiased (because I don't date) advice. Good luck getting that from filthy people that date.
Money issues? I'll help you out. Not financially though.
Need backup for an "exchange" in an abandoned factory? Well you're on your own with that one.

The point is, everything from work issues to your so old your tits drag along the ground like a fat dachshunds belly, my advice is gold. So ask away.

I'm concerned you might not be feeling well! Sad
I fully expected the first post, in your life advice thread, to contain but 2 words!

"Fuck Off"

Tongue

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25-02-2016, 10:35 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(25-02-2016 09:26 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(25-02-2016 07:27 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  An earmuffs would muff as much muff as an earmuffs could muff muff.

But earmuffs muffing muff would gross out muffs since muffs said muffs would muff sausage. (Or cable technicians)

Organics original question originated in the origin of muffs being orgasmic over muff.
Thus the knowledge that muffs like's sausage is moot.
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25-02-2016, 11:20 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
After running at unwise speeds around a field for no apparent reason this morning, my butt is sore. What should I do?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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25-02-2016, 11:37 PM
RE: Muff's Life Advice Thread 2.0
(25-02-2016 11:20 PM)morondog Wrote:  After running at unwise speeds around a field for no apparent reason this morning, my butt is sore. What should I do?

Have you tried running at unwise speeds around the field in the opposite direction?
That should undo the issues.
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