My Boss' Dad died last night.
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17-05-2016, 04:05 PM
My Boss' Dad died last night.
My Boss has had variable attendance because his Dad was diagnosed with cancer less than a year ago. I don't know the specifics, as I don't want to make him talk about it, so I don't ask. His treatment ended less than a month ago, so he was in rehab to regain muscle mass. But within the last 2 weeks he "hasn't been doing well." (again, I don't know the specifics.) And it looks like last night he died. Thank goodness my boss took the day off yesterday to be with his Dad. He is kind of a workaholic, so I know it's hard. He even was going to come in today. I feel for him, and I can only imagine how this will impact him. His Dad was probably 80 +/- 5 years, so at the very least he lived a long life.

I'm not asking for advice on how to cope or how to comfort him. I'm just talking. Have any of you witnessed somebody slowly lose a loved one after a long battle?

Please share your experiences, or what you've seen.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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17-05-2016, 04:15 PM (This post was last modified: 17-05-2016 04:33 PM by Anjele.)
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
My dad spent about the last five years of his life in decline and rebound, decline and rebound until there was just decline. Bladder cancer, mini-strokes then a big one, a near fatal car crash where his hip was broken. Learned again how to walk twice during all this. Finally it was just too much and he couldn't recover from any of it. It was awful to witness. His death was a actually a relief...for him and for us kids.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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17-05-2016, 04:20 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
I watched a 55 yo colleague of mine decline over a couple of years with early onset Alzheimer's. It scared the fucking piss out me. Still does.

#sigh
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17-05-2016, 04:23 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
Not a cancer battle but a battle nevertheless ... Alzheimer's
My great grand mother died back then and it was devasting for my mum and grand mum (I was too young to understand) because they had taken care of her for a long time when she got Alzheimers. But at some time they had to bring her to an old people home. And the carer's there didn't take care and didn't feed her food or drink. They just put it in her room but she was not able to eat or drink on her own any longer. My mum and grand mum took turns. One would visit in the morning and one in the afternoon so that my great grand mother would always be clean and fed etc. To give her company, play cards and such. But one week they had to trust the carer's that they'd do their job. They told them to feed her and give her drink because she cannot do it any more. They said they would. They didn't do it though... this is how she died.

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17-05-2016, 04:38 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
(17-05-2016 04:23 PM)Leela Wrote:  Not a cancer battle but a battle nevertheless ... Alzheimer's
My great grand mother died back then and it was devasting for my mum and grand mum (I was too young to understand) because they had taken care of her for a long time when she got Alzheimers. But at some time they had to bring her to an old people home. And the carer's there didn't take care and didn't feed her food or drink. They just put it in her room but she was not able to eat or drink on her own any longer. My mum and grand mum took turns. One would visit in the morning and one in the afternoon so that my great grand mother would always be clean and fed etc. To give her company, play cards and such. But one week they had to trust the carer's that they'd do their job. They told them to feed her and give her drink because she cannot do it any more. They said they would. They didn't do it though... this is how she died.

That's bad. But it may have been a "blessing in disguise". I had an aunt with early onset Alzheimer and she was in a care facility for decades, unable to do anything but blink. And cry - when visitors would leave, tears would roll down her cheeks. Other than that, no movement so no sign of recognition.

I watched my husbands (2) die of cancer. The first was very young (31, married for 10 years) with brain cancer. 6 months of steady decline. He was not ready to die when he did.

The second was 83 (yes he was a lot older than me, married for 30 years) and fought bladder and prostate cancer, it was a long, long road with many medical mistakes and he was finally sent home to die, in guarded condition, with only a nurse twice a week to change wound dressings. I got him back on his feet and for several months we were happy as can be. You sure appreciate things after going through something like that. Then he started feeling bad, got diagnosed with liver cancer and died within weeks. He welcomed it, he didn't want to go through the suffering again.

Cancer sucks. Death of loved ones sucks. Sadcryface2

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-05-2016, 04:46 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
(17-05-2016 04:15 PM)Anjele Wrote:  My dad spent about the last five years of his life in decline and rebound, decline and rebound until there was just decline. Bladder cancer, mini-strokes then a big one, a near fatal car crash where his hip was broken. Learned again how to walk twice during all this. Finally it was just too much and he couldn't recover from any of it. It was awful to witness. His death was a actually a relief...for him and for us kids.
Was his car crash due to health issues? Or just an accident?

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17-05-2016, 04:46 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
It took my mother-in-law a year to die from multiple organ failure. She was a life-long smoker and even though she finally stopped the damage was done. Heart, kidneys, and lungs were shot. She was 99% blind from macular degeneration and the worst part was that her mind was still sharp. By the end she had even lost that and was totally delusional. Tough on my wife. It was a relief when we got the call.

BTW, "rehab" in that sense is often a euphemism for hospice care.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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17-05-2016, 04:51 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
(17-05-2016 04:46 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  
(17-05-2016 04:15 PM)Anjele Wrote:  My dad spent about the last five years of his life in decline and rebound, decline and rebound until there was just decline. Bladder cancer, mini-strokes then a big one, a near fatal car crash where his hip was broken. Learned again how to walk twice during all this. Finally it was just too much and he couldn't recover from any of it. It was awful to witness. His death was a actually a relief...for him and for us kids.
Was his car crash due to health issues? Or just an accident?

Yes, it was largely due to health issues. Not the least of which was that the VA would send him his medication but he had to drive quite a way to get his insulin needles. He decided he could do it...was the weekend of his birthday that year. He had to be cut out of his truck...that accident was the death knell. It was all decline after that.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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17-05-2016, 04:53 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
(17-05-2016 04:46 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  BTW, "rehab" in that sense is often a euphemism for hospice care.
Oh, I had no idea. *sigh*. I may have said some stupid things about it being a good thing he was in rehab then...

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17-05-2016, 05:04 PM
RE: My Boss' Dad died last night.
Don't feel bad if you didn't pick up on the rehab thing. He told you what he was comfortable sharing.

As for your question, I have some friends who dealt with dying parents. It sucked for them and it was tough watching them deal with it and not being able to do anything to help.

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