My Catholic Girlfriend
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07-12-2011, 09:57 PM
My Catholic Girlfriend
I've been with her for over a year and a half now. I am an Atheist, and we do not let religion come between us. I do fear that it may become an issue in the future but I don't wish to push the subject.

Well, recently she told me that she has had some questions about believing or not. I offered to help her with anything she needs but she stated that she wishes to figure it all out on her own. Now, knowing her, she probably wont delve into it deep and she may never figure out what she wants to know.

My question is, what could I do to help push her to do research, without directly telling her to do so? I just want to ensure that she does look for answers and not just push it off and not do it.

Please note that I don't want to deconvert her or change her to another religion or anything else. Although, I would like her to become an Atheist, but her beliefs are for her own to make.
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08-12-2011, 03:11 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
Be *very* careful with this. I'd advise you not to even think in terms of wanting her to be anything other than as she is. I was with a really nice girl for a short time but I made the mistake of letting the religion thing become an issue when she would have cheerfully dropped it. Result was the end of the relationship. I say, let her do things her way, even if you feel she'll only scratch the surface or come to "wrong conclusions", if you try to push her in a particular direction she'll probably think "pushy atheist, he said religion wasn't an issue, but see him pushing his agenda".

That's my two cents.
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08-12-2011, 03:19 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
Just pray for her.












































lolkidding

Just do what morondog said.

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08-12-2011, 05:52 PM (This post was last modified: 08-12-2011 08:33 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
(07-12-2011 09:57 PM)Tyjet66 Wrote:  I offered to help her with anything she needs but she stated that she wishes to figure it all out on her own. ... My question is, what could I do to help push her to do research, ...

Not a damn thing, she'll figure it out on her own. Once the questioning begins, the conclusion is inevitable. And everybody needs to get there on their own ... or it's cheating and doesn't count. Smile

"Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." - Matthew 7:13-14 (KJV)

If by "wide is the gate" you mean following obvious inferences, and by "broad is the way" you mean that all humans are capable of reasoning, and by "destruction" you mean realizing my signature, and by "leadeth unto life" you mean deluding someone into believing the bullshit promise of a postmortem preservation of identity, and by "few" you mean none, then I don't disagree with you Matthew.

Married my wife 26 years ago in a Catholic Church. She was Catholic, I was atheist and everyone, including the Priest that married us, knew it. The only thing I had to do to be permitted to be married in a Catholic Church was enter into a contract where I promised not to interfere with the religious upbringing of our children. I didn't and we now have 4 beautiful young adult atheists. ... And so's the wife.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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08-12-2011, 06:32 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
(07-12-2011 09:57 PM)Tyjet66 Wrote:  My question is, what could I do to help push her to do research, without directly telling her to do so? I just want to ensure that she does look for answers and not just push it off and not do it.

I'd just let her find her own way. Once she realizes that you, as an atheist, are not the devil incarnate, but in fact are a really nice, honest decent loving, person, she'll start the de-briefing process.

When I first met my wife she was a "good Catholic" in that she still went to church and confession etc. I didn't approach the subject at all until she brought it up. She gradually stopped believing. It was quite a long process, because the Catholic indoctrination process is very thorough, especially if the person goes to Catholic schools throughout their life.

Even now, she has a hard time when listening to my criticisms of the Church and its indoctrination, particularly if I question the existence of Jesus. The teachings go deep into the victims psyche and I'm sure that she still has guilt to cope with.

I hope all works out well for you.

"To think of what the world has suffered from superstition, from religion, from the worship of beast and stone and god, is
almost enough to make one insane."

Robert G. Ingersoll
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08-12-2011, 09:54 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
(07-12-2011 09:57 PM)Tyjet66 Wrote:  My question is, what could I do to help push her to do research, without directly telling her to do so? I just want to ensure that she does look for answers and not just push it off and not do it.

I can only reply with some of the best advice I've heard. Agree that you will both read a single book of the others choosing and to talk about. I would pick The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark by Carl Sagan, and then honestly read whatever she suggest. Have a discussion about it without making it about her or what she believes, but about what other people believe.

No one here will be able to give you a direct "silver bullet" answer, but it is something I have seen work.

~Todd
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08-12-2011, 11:24 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
I used to be a good catholic, now my husband and I and our 2 daughters are all atheists.

My suggestion would be to comment about things you read - not in a pushy way - from some books that might get her thinking or from something you read online. Just have some good books sitting around. Listening to a few podcasts or youtube vids together. laughter can sometimes open painful topics that would normally be avoided.

and have some real honest and open communication. you cannot have a future together if you cannot talk about the big topics of life.

start with the easier topics like noah's ark, prayer not getting answered for those that need it most, how science and medicine have changed our world for the better, how not believing in other religions is a first step to not believing in any of them... and so on.

hopefully she will trust you with her questions but if not, find someone else for her to talk with.
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08-12-2011, 11:42 PM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
I agree with the posters above... just be glad if it happens, but don't push it.

I'm an atheist with Christian parents, and the way that we get along so well is by not bringing up that topic. We know that we disagree, and we know that no one's minds are getting changed. But we don't have to share opinions or worldviews to get along.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
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09-12-2011, 01:31 AM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
I would suggest emphasizing researching to find what is actually true, not simply to reinforce her beliefs. Maybe you could also suggest reading the Bible.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo

"Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do." - Voltaire
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09-12-2011, 04:29 AM
RE: My Catholic Girlfriend
Answer questions ONLY when asked and do not answer said questions with short, unexplained answers. Aside from that... act as though everything is completely normal.

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