My Magical Prayer Rug
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
02-05-2014, 08:53 AM
Heart My Magical Prayer Rug
My life is forever changed. Yesterday, the Saint Matthews church finally realized the strife that I was dealing with, and gave me all the answers I ever needed.

I came home to find this glorious piece of mail in my mailbox.

[Image: photo_1_4.jpg]

I was skeptical at first. I mean, how could god know what my problems were? I mean, the letter wasn't even addressed to me. Just to "Resident or Friend"

All of my questions were answered with the first piece of paper, though.

[Image: photo_4_1.jpg]

Oh, well I'm glad they know my suffering! What's this about a prayer rug? OH, they must mean THIS:

[Image: photo_2_4.jpg]

That's weird. It's literally made of tissue paper, but the letter claims this is the one true prayer rug, and it is literally soaked in holy power.

Oh, more instructions...

[Image: photo_3_1.jpg]

Nuh... I have to mail this prayer rug back? Why? Sadcryface What if I wanted my prayers answered more than today? And only three spaces? I have more needs than that!

Alright, what's this about a red sealed envelope I can't open until I mail this shi- err, glorious literature back?

[Image: photo_5_1.jpg]

OH, they must mean this. MY SEALED PROPHECY Blink Amazing. I've got goosebumps just thinking about it.

On the other side...

[Image: photo_1_5.jpg]

Nuh Sad I don't want to burn my prophecy. I want to know what it is!

The inside flap of my prophecy (yeah I opened it, see you in Hell)

[Image: photo_2_5.jpg]

I forgot to take a photo of the inside, but its basically your typical tract drivel.

God is the way, pray to him and be saved, if you died tonight where would you go, etc. etc.

I had no idea that was prophecy! I thought it was just religious bullshit. Now I know!

Here's the most important part though. The REAL reason for praying on this rug.

[Image: photo_3_2.jpg]

Hey, that kind of money could come in handy. If god gave me that every time I prayed, I'd be on my knees ALOT more often.

[Image: photo_4_2.jpg]

Whoa, according to this thing, my grandma could even DIE and I could get her house! All for sending my prayer rug back! Well my grandma is a devout Southern-Baptist, so that doesn't really seem fair to her, but hey, free house!

It makes me incredibly sad that this scam actually gets people. But the guy who runs it has made millions by having people send him money so god will answer their prayers.

I guess its just a stupidity tax, no? Laugh out load
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Jasozz's post
02-05-2014, 08:55 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
Just ask for three wishes for your three needs.

[Image: v0jpzpT.png]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-05-2014, 09:30 AM (This post was last modified: 02-05-2014 09:47 AM by LostLocke.)
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 08:55 AM)Alex_Leonardo Wrote:  Just ask for three wishes for your three needs.

That makes me think less Jesus and more...
[Image: Enslaved_Djinn.jpg]

Tongue

[Image: fdyq20.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LostLocke's post
02-05-2014, 09:57 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
Send in your 3 most pressing needs:

1. I need dishonest people to be penniless within a week.
2. I need dishonest people to suffer a miserable existence for the rest of their Earth time.
3. I need dishonest people to all rot in hell.

I'm sure they'll be happy to help you get your prayers answered. Tongue

I am not accountable to any God. I am accountable to myself - and not because I think I am God as some theists would try to assert - but because, no matter what actions I take, thoughts I think, or words I utter, I have to be able to live with myself.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Impulse's post
02-05-2014, 10:07 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 09:57 AM)Impulse Wrote:  Send in your 3 most pressing needs:

1. I need dishonest people to be penniless within a week.
2. I need dishonest people to suffer a miserable existence for the rest of their Earth time.
3. I need dishonest people to all rot in hell.

I'm sure they'll be happy to help you get your prayers answered. Tongue

I used to get these almost weekly.

Until I ripped up the precious prayer rug to tatters and mailed it back in their pre-paid envelope.

Uh...... did I mention the nasty note?

Amazingly, my prayers were answered and I seem to have been removed from their mailing list. Big Grin

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like Thinkerbelle's post
02-05-2014, 10:09 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 10:07 AM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  
(02-05-2014 09:57 AM)Impulse Wrote:  Send in your 3 most pressing needs:

1. I need dishonest people to be penniless within a week.
2. I need dishonest people to suffer a miserable existence for the rest of their Earth time.
3. I need dishonest people to all rot in hell.

I'm sure they'll be happy to help you get your prayers answered. Tongue

I used to get these almost weekly.

Until I ripped up the precious prayer rug to tatters and mailed it back in their pre-paid envelope.

Uh...... did I mention the nasty note?

Amazingly, my prayers were answered and I seem to have been removed from their mailing list. Big Grin

I would've drawn satanic stars and upside down crosses all over it and attached a note with two words:
Hail Satan

Atir aissom atir imon
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Im_Ryan's post
02-05-2014, 10:10 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 10:07 AM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  
(02-05-2014 09:57 AM)Impulse Wrote:  Send in your 3 most pressing needs:

1. I need dishonest people to be penniless within a week.
2. I need dishonest people to suffer a miserable existence for the rest of their Earth time.
3. I need dishonest people to all rot in hell.

I'm sure they'll be happy to help you get your prayers answered. Tongue

I used to get these almost weekly.

Until I ripped up the precious prayer rug to tatters and mailed it back in their pre-paid envelope.

Uh...... did I mention the nasty note?

Amazingly, my prayers were answered and I seem to have been removed from their mailing list. Big Grin

Maybe I use my prestigious art skills to draw a battallion of dicks assaulting Jesus' face and mail it back?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Jasozz's post
02-05-2014, 10:21 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
I've received one of those before. I just placed it in the trash.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-05-2014, 10:27 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 10:09 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  
(02-05-2014 10:07 AM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  I used to get these almost weekly.

Until I ripped up the precious prayer rug to tatters and mailed it back in their pre-paid envelope.

Uh...... did I mention the nasty note?

Amazingly, my prayers were answered and I seem to have been removed from their mailing list. Big Grin

I would've drawn satanic stars and upside down crosses all over it and attached a note with two words:
Hail Satan

[Image: MdHY0bR.gif]

[Image: v0jpzpT.png]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Alex_Leonardo's post
02-05-2014, 10:32 AM
RE: My Magical Prayer Rug
(02-05-2014 10:27 AM)Alex_Leonardo Wrote:  
(02-05-2014 10:09 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  I would've drawn satanic stars and upside down crosses all over it and attached a note with two words:
Hail Satan

[Image: MdHY0bR.gif]

Sigh... I miss Futurama Sadcryface

Atir aissom atir imon
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: