My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
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08-09-2013, 10:57 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(08-09-2013 10:45 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  
(08-09-2013 10:31 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Consider

Well the two suggestions above are certainly creative when it comes to the 'confidentiality' part of the problem.

But they don't really address the issue of 'outness'.

SB,
When your mum asked you if there was anything you hadn't told her, what was her mood?

It was just this sort of "I know something you don't know I know" type mood. She wasn't particularly angry but in 8th grade she figured out I was atheist (though at the time I considered myself agnostic and not atheist) and it was horrible. Part of the reason she might have been somewhat indifferent might be because if she admitted she knew something or was too obvious about knowing something, she would have to admit to having read my messages.

And I'm also seriously considering texting a friend of mine "Dre'quan wants me to abort the baby. I think I'm going to do it. If only I could take care of the herpes as easily." She's incredibly conservative and racist so she would flip.


You say she found out when you were in 8th grade...your profile says you're 17 now, so I assume this isn't the first time she will have had to confront this. Maybe she has accepted it by now? Or at least she might be resigned to it. Has she brought up religion with increasing frequency since you suspected she found out? You said it was horrible when she first found out. 8th grade is around the time many protestants have confirmation. Did you have classes at the time? I could see your parents worrying about you not getting confirmed. That kind of thing is important to parents who truly believe in their faith. Maybe if that is in the past, your parents are a bit more prepared to accept it now? You know your parents better than we do, but if your mom hasn't acted on the knowledge you suspect she has, then at least you know she is trying not to be overbearing. That's actually a good sign.

Your idea sounds pretty fun to try...hopefully Dre'quan is not a real person--you never know if she would flip out and confront a real person.
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08-09-2013, 10:58 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
I retake my previous statement. If she makes those idiotic statements,do you get to counter them? The moral part is easy. Point out all the immoral verses,explain that "believe in me or be tortured" is incredibly narcistic and tiranic. If she says youll burn in hell,counter it with the pascals wager refutation

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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08-09-2013, 11:00 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(08-09-2013 10:55 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  That's what my atheist friend told me, and I really hope y'all are right.
see,muffs? Its y'all !
/derailment

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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08-09-2013, 11:00 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(08-09-2013 10:51 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  My mom is incredibly religious. She's talked about how it's impossible for atheists to have morals and that in general we're just incredibly sad, hateful people. In 8th grade I kept asking her a ton of questions about Christianity and she eventually figured out I didn't believe and told me I couldn't have morals and told me I was horrible for thinking that my grandma was actually dead and not in heaven. She essentially called me an idiot numerous times and I was forced to go to church and youth groups on a weekly basis. Eventually I let her believe I had converted back to Christianity.

Yikes. Hopefully she's had time to reflect since then. What particular version of Christianity?
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08-09-2013, 11:01 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
Oh,i forgot the Hug

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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08-09-2013, 11:11 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(08-09-2013 11:00 PM)BryanS Wrote:  Yikes. Hopefully she's had time to reflect since then. What particular version of Christianity?

Methodist. Which though I'm not Christian, I really like because it's the most laid-back form of Christianity (in my opinion) though when I was trying to convince myself I was Christian I did take a lot of liberties with it (Bible is written by man, there is no hell, etc.). However, even though it's pretty laid back, my mom and her side of the family are all incredibly religious.


(08-09-2013 10:57 PM)BryanS Wrote:  You say she found out when you were in 8th grade...your profile says you're 17 now, so I assume this isn't the first time she will have had to confront this. Maybe she has accepted it by now? Or at least she might be resigned to it. Has she brought up religion with increasing frequency since you suspected she found out? You said it was horrible when she first found out. 8th grade is around the time many protestants have confirmation. Did you have classes at the time? I could see your parents worrying about you not getting confirmed. That kind of thing is important to parents who truly believe in their faith. Maybe if that is in the past, your parents are a bit more prepared to accept it now? You know your parents better than we do, but if your mom hasn't acted on the knowledge you suspect she has, then at least you know she is trying not to be overbearing. That's actually a good sign.

Your idea sounds pretty fun to try...hopefully Dre'quan is not a real person--you never know if she would flip out and confront a real person.
I got reaffirmed or whatever the hell it was I did in the 6th grade (though I didn't want to because I wasn't able to honestly call myself Christian). And after she initially found out, I started feigning religiousness and even participated in some church activities because of how miserable I was so she thinks she "won" and converted me back. Recently she hasn't mentioned religion more than usual but part of that might be because this happened in only the past three or four days. I guess it might be possible that she's realized she won't change me. I really hope that's the case . . .

I'm surprised she hasn't confronted me yet about anything she's read in my text messages, especially considering how many times I say "fuck" and "bitch."

Also thanks for all of the e-hugs. This is why I love this forum.
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08-09-2013, 11:28 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
Yep, no other forum has the fuckin awsome hug emoticon

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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08-09-2013, 11:40 PM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(08-09-2013 11:11 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  
(08-09-2013 11:00 PM)BryanS Wrote:  Yikes. Hopefully she's had time to reflect since then. What particular version of Christianity?

Methodist. Which though I'm not Christian, I really like because it's the most laid-back form of Christianity (in my opinion) though when I was trying to convince myself I was Christian I did take a lot of liberties with it (Bible is written by man, there is no hell, etc.). However, even though it's pretty laid back, my mom and her side of the family are all incredibly religious.


(08-09-2013 10:57 PM)BryanS Wrote:  You say she found out when you were in 8th grade...your profile says you're 17 now, so I assume this isn't the first time she will have had to confront this. Maybe she has accepted it by now? Or at least she might be resigned to it. Has she brought up religion with increasing frequency since you suspected she found out? You said it was horrible when she first found out. 8th grade is around the time many protestants have confirmation. Did you have classes at the time? I could see your parents worrying about you not getting confirmed. That kind of thing is important to parents who truly believe in their faith. Maybe if that is in the past, your parents are a bit more prepared to accept it now? You know your parents better than we do, but if your mom hasn't acted on the knowledge you suspect she has, then at least you know she is trying not to be overbearing. That's actually a good sign.

Your idea sounds pretty fun to try...hopefully Dre'quan is not a real person--you never know if she would flip out and confront a real person.
I got reaffirmed or whatever the hell it was I did in the 6th grade (though I didn't want to because I wasn't able to honestly call myself Christian). And after she initially found out, I started feigning religiousness and even participated in some church activities because of how miserable I was so she thinks she "won" and converted me back. Recently she hasn't mentioned religion more than usual but part of that might be because this happened in only the past three or four days. I guess it might be possible that she's realized she won't change me. I really hope that's the case . . .

I'm surprised she hasn't confronted me yet about anything she's read in my text messages, especially considering how many times I say "fuck" and "bitch."

Also thanks for all of the e-hugs. This is why I love this forum.


Good luck. If it's only been a few days, she could just be trying to figure out how to bring up religion and influence you. Keep that in mind when you decide on timing of playing a game on her to call her out on reading your email--delaying that could give you more time .

Is your dad not religious? Kind of sounds like it from your email. That might help provide some balance to your mother's religiosity. You could disclose that to him first--take the upper hand on controlling how this conversation happens. If you're close enough to your dad, you can just tell him your concern about having this conversation with your mom. Sounds like she's the holy roller in the family, and if he's not huge on his faith, he might find a way to lessen the blow.
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09-09-2013, 05:33 AM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
Dad's agnostistic however my parents hate each other because they just finished up a messy divorce so his support would probably make it worse.
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09-09-2013, 06:37 AM
RE: My Mom Has Been Reading My Siblings' and My Message
(09-09-2013 05:33 AM)southernbelle Wrote:  Dad's agnostistic however my parents hate each other because they just finished up a messy divorce so his support would probably make it worse.

Ahhh...was wondering. Do you live solely with your mother then? If there is any kind of joint custody, you could take the time you have with your dad to talk through some of those issues. If you live just with your mom, I guess your options are more limited. If your mom thinks your lack of faith is due to your fathers influence she may react more harshly if their separate was as you put it messy.

You have at least one thing going for you, though. You're almost legally an adult. Your mom probably doesn't want to lose you forever just as you reach adulthood, and I get the sense from you that she's more than just a little worried about your dad's influence on you. You can use both of those to your advantage.

I don't get the sense that you would want to cut your mom out of your life. You could just tell her honestly that she may be able to force religion on you while you live at home, but as you become an adult and go away to school or live on your own, you don't want to feel like this will push you away from her. See how that works--you focus her mind on your upcoming independence, essentially holding that over her head without shouting or threatening directly to cut her out of your life. You frame this point in a positive way--that you don't want this to push her away from you. Don't use this as an ultimatum or a explicit threat unless you are really prepared to cut her off. In reality, that isn't going to happen until you move out. You can, though, focus your mom's mind on what kind of relationship she wants to have with you as you become an adult.

If she brings up that she thinks this is your dad's doing, you tell her that you hope she doesn't push you away from her, but your dad won't make your religious beliefs a condition of his love--is she doing that? Maybe you have a close relationship with your dad, maybe you don't. It doesn't really matter if she has an irrational and unfounded fear that she's loosing you to him. Again, you don't make it an explicit threat, but frame the response in a positive way. You just say that your dad never made believing in god a reason to push you away, and you hope your mom doesn't make a lack of belief a reason to push you away.
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