My Old Abusive Stepfather
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02-09-2013, 01:36 PM
My Old Abusive Stepfather
I probably shouldn't be writing this, but fuck it I feel better after I write about this crap so I'm going to anyway. First however, some back story.

When I was little, after my mother and father got divorced, and my mom won in the custody battle; we spent a lot of time moving around. Eventually and old friends of hers invited us to stay at his house. Obviously, one thing led to another and they got married and had my brother. However, things became much worse after a while and he would abuse my mother and I both verbally and physically. I would be punished extremely harshly for small things, and I would wake up some nights to him screaming and hitting my Mom. My real father pulled me out of there when I was six years old and my Mom would eventually divorce him but it didn't fix my hatred.

Ten years later, he is still acting like the fucking piece of shit that he,all the while he is becoming more aggressive when he speaks to my Mom whether it's over the phone or when she is picking my brother up from his house. He hasn't done anything, but I'm worried about how absolutely angry I get when I see him and how my thoughts turn extremely violent.

I'm good at hiding emotions and I usually have complete control of my them as well, so why can't I stop being so angry at him?

Suggestions? Thoughts? Criticisms?

I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder. Your disorderly world has a deficit of things worth paying attention to. -Tj
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02-09-2013, 02:11 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
I in no way claim to be an expert, but I think it's perfectly normal to feel angry at someone who is just a toxic person. They drag humanity down and don't care a bit. Maybe a couple of good ways to feel less angry and start moving on is less contact with him if that's possible, and talking with a professional or even just a close friend (posting here was a great start, there are some fantastic people on this forum) about your thoughts and emotions. I really feel for you and hope you find the peace you're looking for. <3
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03-09-2013, 12:08 AM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
Sometimes you just have to accept that there are things beyond your control and let go of the anger. Easy to say, difficult to do. I don't think there is some simple solution. Have you considered therapy to help you cope? Seems appropriate to me. Good luck!

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03-09-2013, 05:49 AM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
This is completely normal. I still don't talk to my dad for the things he did to me, and I constantly worry about my little sister. But I'm the only one, besides my mom, that he's ever physically abused. I'm not discounting mental abuse or verbal abuse...but I'm the only one he's actually thrown across a room. My older sister got a full ride through college and never had a problem...My little sister starts college next year and she's the same way.

You can be angry, you can be upset, these are normal, trust me 10 years later and I'm still pissed at him. Just don't let it effect your life in other places...and DON'T become like him with your anger...Like Dark Light said...I'd suggest anger management, it helped me quell some demons.

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03-09-2013, 03:33 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
My advice is to remove him from your life completely and start working on coping with the anger. That rage you feel will cause you harm and will manifest itself in your other relationships. I had a step dad that I hated. He was unfair, angry, and abusive. As a teenager, I imagined all the different ways I was going to hurt him. It felt great to think about beating him up. It also made me an asshole as I was totally consumed with violent thoughts. I was a dick to people I went to school with, I lashed out at my siblings, etc. Basically, I started acting like him. I focused on removing him from my life completely and directed my attention towards more positive things. Make your life awesome. That's the best revenge.

Fast forward twenty years, we now get along great as adults and I've released all my anger towards him. I do have to confess to one thing, though. He showed up to my kickboxing class a few years ago when I was working as a trainer. The rounds I fought with him were... very satisfying Big Grin

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03-09-2013, 03:52 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
Here's a question: Why wouldn't you want to be angry with him?

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03-09-2013, 04:17 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
It's normal to hate people that have caused you major emotional stress, but instead of getting mad at him (and then doing more than feeling angry), you might wanna seek a therapist or support group for abused children. I doubt you'd want to make your life even worse for beating his ass since this piece of shit has already made your life harder than it had to be.

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05-09-2013, 06:27 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
(03-09-2013 12:08 AM)Dark Light Wrote:  Sometimes you just have to accept that there are things beyond your control and let go of the anger. Easy to say, difficult to do. I don't think there is some simple solution. Have you considered therapy to help you cope? Seems appropriate to me. Good luck!

I can't accept that it isn't in my control though. Everything I do is based upon controlling the situation I'm in, I've gotten out of many a bad situations by knowing when to fight and knowing when to talk it out. But around him, all I feel is this need to end his domination over other people and when I can't control the feeling I get even more angry and the feeling comes back stronger.

You probably have a point with the therapy thing though, I will consider the idea and thanks for your advice.

I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder. Your disorderly world has a deficit of things worth paying attention to. -Tj
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05-09-2013, 06:31 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
(03-09-2013 03:52 PM)MrAttacus Wrote:  Here's a question: Why wouldn't you want to be angry with him?

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Because its pathetic to hold a grudge like I am doing, especially on a worthless piece of shit like him.

I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder. Your disorderly world has a deficit of things worth paying attention to. -Tj
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05-09-2013, 06:40 PM
RE: My Old Abusive Stepfather
(03-09-2013 03:33 PM)guitar_nut Wrote:  My advice is to remove him from your life completely and start working on coping with the anger. That rage you feel will cause you harm and will manifest itself in your other relationships. I had a step dad that I hated. He was unfair, angry, and abusive. As a teenager, I imagined all the different ways I was going to hurt him. It felt great to think about beating him up. It also made me an asshole as I was totally consumed with violent thoughts. I was a dick to people I went to school with, I lashed out at my siblings, etc. Basically, I started acting like him. I focused on removing him from my life completely and directed my attention towards more positive things. Make your life awesome. That's the best revenge.

You're right and that is exactly what I did. I've been working my ass off in school and I'm about to get into pre-med at the end of my senior year on full ride scholarship. I have been working to make my life awesome and I've avoided at all costs to become anything like him, but everytime I hear him scream at my mom on the phone about whatever fucking thing has popped into his head at that moment, I feel this gnawing all encompassing anger.


Its like an itch I can't scratch, thats the only way to describe it.

I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder. Your disorderly world has a deficit of things worth paying attention to. -Tj
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