My Star Control Fanfic
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29-08-2014, 08:05 PM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(29-08-2014 07:48 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  How are my action, story, prose, and characters?

I'd say the strongest point is the mood - it's got that old-school high-drama space opera backdrop from the games, but the characters are distinctly placed within that.
(Mass Effect 1 did that well - the sequels, weeeeell....)

The first time I read it, I just dug in and enjoyed it. But I did go back with a more [constructively] critical eye later, since that seemed to be the feedback you were looking for.

The prose... needs an editor. There're a lot of tweaks that occurred to me, but then again, that might just be me.
(and don't get me wrong - all prose needs an editor! there's a reason the profession exists Tongue )

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30-08-2014, 05:42 AM (This post was last modified: 30-08-2014 06:17 AM by kingschosen.)
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(29-08-2014 08:05 PM)cjlr Wrote:  
(29-08-2014 07:48 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  How are my action, story, prose, and characters?

I'd say the strongest point is the mood - it's got that old-school high-drama space opera backdrop from the games, but the characters are distinctly placed within that.
(Mass Effect 1 did that well - the sequels, weeeeell....)

The first time I read it, I just dug in and enjoyed it. But I did go back with a more [constructively] critical eye later, since that seemed to be the feedback you were looking for.

The prose... needs an editor. There're a lot of tweaks that occurred to me, but then again, that might just be me.
(and don't get me wrong - all prose needs an editor! there's a reason the profession exists Tongue )

What suggestions would you make?

And, being that you know SC, did I capture the classic SC races correctly?

Are the characters strong enough? Do you fleel a relationship with them? Do you understandsand them?

What about the Keeper scenes? Are they too confusing? They are meant to be cryptic, but not to a point where the reader just skips them. That reader isn't supposed to know if it's pertaining to the past, present, or future, as all ot them are possibilities with Keeper, and all time melds together when Keeper is involved.

I feel Keeper is my strongest area of the story. Do you agree?

How would you improve the prose?

How can I improve on the comedy?

Who can I improve the character?

How can I improve the action? Are there any places where the story drags?

Do I convey a story effectively?

Sorry about all the questions... also these questions are directed to anyone that wants to answer.

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30-08-2014, 05:49 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(30-08-2014 05:42 AM)kingschosen Wrote:  What suggestions would you make?
Write another installment.

Quote:How would you improve the prose?

How can I improve on the comedy?

By actually writing part two...

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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30-08-2014, 07:00 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
I searched for "throbbing", "deep", "member", "down"... I don't think you're getting this whole fanfic thing.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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30-08-2014, 07:09 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(30-08-2014 07:00 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  I searched for "throbbing", "deep", "member", "down"... I don't think you're getting this whole fanfic thing.

Huh?

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30-08-2014, 07:18 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(30-08-2014 07:09 AM)kingschosen Wrote:  
(30-08-2014 07:00 AM)Hafnof Wrote:  I searched for "throbbing", "deep", "member", "down"... I don't think you're getting this whole fanfic thing.

Huh?

Fanfics are often sexual in nature Big Grin

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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30-08-2014, 07:30 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
(30-08-2014 05:49 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(30-08-2014 05:42 AM)kingschosen Wrote:  What suggestions would you make?
Write another installment.

Quote:How would you improve the prose?

How can I improve on the comedy?

By actually writing part two...

lol I will.

Which part are you looking forward to or are interested in?

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30-08-2014, 07:41 AM
RE: My Star Control Fanfic
Well you're kinda just on the verge of an epic star-battle here...

Part of the joy of this kind of thing though, is seeing where the author will send you next...

IMO, instead of looking for critique of your writing initially you should concentrate on getting it out there and experimenting yourself. You *have* the ability to write a gripping story.

There's a saying in Go (board game), something to the effect that you have to prove yourself in a hundred battles... you should write a shitload *first*, experiment a lot, see your own areas where you think you can improve, then you will be able to judge whether someone else's opinion of your work is valid or not, or whether you want to take their suggestions on board.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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