My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
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19-08-2017, 07:04 AM (This post was last modified: 19-08-2017 07:16 AM by mindgod100.)
My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
Hello Friends,

In this thread I'm going to talk about my vision, thoughts and story as an ex-muslim. It is going to be a bit of a long post.

--You can skip this introduction

Love, Fear, Lust, Peace of mind are emotions that can be strong. And are directly linked to our brain and thus the rest of our body. Produce reactions like stress , anxiety, trembling, or depression , or confusion. Well I think the worst of them is Fear. Fear is the most powerful, the strongest emotion. It calls out the animal instinctive nature of humans. Threat triggers fear, now imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen. Is it bankruptcy? Losing sight? Or maybe death ? Or let’s be a little creative, sometimes death is a relief, so suffering is the biggest threat I guess. But we all die in the end, so the suffering is never eternal always limited, temporary… Oh wait, why don’t we make it eternal, everlasting, indefinite in time? That’s pretty scary huh... suffering endlessly with no end … But we all get that this is irrational and non-realistic. That’s true.

However, are we humans rational? Do we proceed in life by thinking critically, analyzing the situation and producing the best (or a good enough) reaction to life events? Humans are irrational by nature, they are born irrational… Or maybe not say “irrational” because sometimes they just lack the required data.. Let’s take the example of baby fresh new born. Can we say that he’s rational or irrational ? He just started discovering, collecting information with his senses. His behavior the behavior of a baby is due to his lack of experience and knowledge required to fit in human society like a big person.

Okay now this baby grows up a little bit, learns to use the complexity of the human body to move and interact he can formulate some words and started understanding the environment around him. Let’s say he is 6 years old now. Let’s tell this young man that he is somehow threatened, threatened by a serious danger.. a danger even too big for his innocent small mind to digest. He is threatened with eternal, limitless suffering and pain. His parents inform him of this threat, he believes his parents obviously. Because his parents always look out for him, are here to feed him and make him happy and provide peace and love to him, why wouldn’t he believe them. And fortunately, they can help him to keep out of this threat to avoid this danger, they have the solution that will save his life, his existence. And this solution is a list of dos and don'ts that he has to follow strictly, and of course these things are not there for nothing they are there because there is an all-loving all-powerful being up there in the sky who is superior of any needs or relatives or anything human BUT he gets very angry when we don’t follow his list, and well the only purpose of his existence, is to punish/reward some silly humans which he himself created. And there's more it's not just pain and suffering, if you follow the sky guy's rules you get rewarded with anything you want in life. All the things the young man desires from foods and sweets to games and toys and anything the young boy wants in life.

For him it was not that bad a deal, getting saved from endless suffering and Winning the land of infinite pleasure. By only following some set of rules that are not really hard, and identifying as a Muslim. Well that last condition is fulfilled by default since he is basically born a Muslim.

//You can skip the part above and start from here ---------------------------------------------------------------------

This is my vision of child indoctrination and also my story. I was raised by my parents who were devout my muslim to be a young devout muslim. I really though that I was lucky to be raised in a muslim family and I admired my father.

I used to go to mosque with him and pray sometimes, since it's not obligatory until puberty. He was also sending me to learn quran which I hated because I found it extremely boring, but I still went and never dared to complain about since I thought it was sacred.

From my early childhood I was interested in programming, I discovered it at the age of 11 since my dad was a software engineer.

Later on I started school and I was a lazy guy , who didn't study that much or at all but still got very high marks especially in maths and physics classes. My parents were proud of me, for both my studies and me being a good muslim boy. My parents got me into a particular school that follows and tries to teach children islamic education I continued until high-school that's where I started to think and eventually got really into that Islam stuff and became really devout. I was liking it to be honest I always felt out of this world when I was praying. And believed with all my heart and might that that was the truth without a shred of doubt. The environment in my high school was islamic oriented so it did help as well because I had friends who were also devout muslims. The environment in there was too perfect and I also was in love with a girl which I had planned to marry since it's haram to have a girlfriend lol, I was also participating in coding contests, so I didn't have a reason to question or look for anything else. But at the same time I was watching too much american tv shows and movies and japanese anime.

It was until the last year of high-school that I changed the school since I was choosing a Mathematics Option that wasn't available in my school since there wasn't enough people choosing it, to have a decent class. That year I got more interested in science, I started reading about the universe and time and theories of great scientists. And I avoided reading about evolution. At first I was amazed by how the universe was made and thought it was a truly god's masterpiece. And that was where I confronted different people, homosexuals, atheists, and most of the guys there weren't really real muslims. And there weren't a lot of girls wearing hijab etc.. I have confronted a lot of things that contradicted my beliefs, but still I didn't directly think of doubting my religion. But there was a time when my family had traveled so I have stayed home alone, I enjoyed staying home alone. But the alone time is where deep thoughts kick in. That week a thought was eating my mind. It was the thought that maybe life is meaningless, I felt there is a probabilty that life has no purpose and no meaning and it scared me, It bugged me in my prayers and I really had a hard time, and when I consulted muslim sources on how to deal with doubts, It said that these were satan's whispers and you have to repell them by saying the name of god and the prayers, but it never really gave any answers to my questions.

The time passes and I the final exams arrive and I have forgotten my questions and doubts, as I was too much distracted by studies. Until last year, my first year in architecture school. I met more different minded people and had different visions of life, architecture school had really open minded people I started having atheist friends and I started reading about evolution, unlike any other community in the rest of the country. That's when I started asking the right questions about religion and having bigger doubts but at first I only got to islamic sources to kill my doubts which did not deliver any worthwhile. But only made it worse since I found some hadith that said that you shouldn't ask a lot about stuff because it leads to harm. Some tv shows also Influenced my visions like Vikings of history channel. Since It showed how the vikings fought and were ready to die to enter Valhalla. And I had thought that only muslims could die for their religion since they had god's power with them. And also Mr Robot had a church scene that really got into me.

And whenever I went into some online debate, I was always feeling some leaning towards the atheists opinions and the religious opinions never satisfied me. That's when I said , okay enough I need to see things both ways and I started to read about atheist points of views. I read Dawkins' well known book The God Delusion and Why I Left Islam by Ibn Warraq and it made clear to me how bullshit is religion.

And that's when I became an atheist. I spend a month closeted. And later I found out I had a friend who was also a closeted atheist with whom I could discuss and share my thoughts and it helped me a lot.

I find it really sad how we have to be closeted in this muslim society and have to be chained by islamic bullshit. I still pretend that I am still doing my 5 prayers but I'm getting really annoyed when my parents start telling me stuff about religion. Like I need to go to mosque and they start arguing by giving me hadith and quran quotes. And I want to scream "I DON’T BELIEVE YOUR BULLSHIT" but it's bad idea since I had one time attempted to open up a little and tell my parents that I get some doubts about religion. But it went really Wrong and they started asking me If had bad friends who influence me and started watching me asking me if I'm still having doubts every now and then and my dad who wants to desperately convince me, and I got incredibly annoyed that I almost hated them, one time my mom even started crying because of that. That's when I realised that it's a bad idea to come out so I have pretended that I have come to a conclusion that islam is the true religion, because my life was becoming a living hell. And I now want to leave to live alone as soon as possible.



I just wanted to share with you my story I hope it wasn't too long. But sadly there are more and more closeted atheists that are living in worse conditions than mine. I just wish Islam vanishes some day
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19-08-2017, 07:08 AM
RE: My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
Hello.

Due to medical reasons I am unable to read your full post. Very sorry.

Welcome. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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19-08-2017, 07:19 AM
RE: My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
That was very interesting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Are you living in a Muslim country, out of interest? I know that places like Egypt and elsewhere actually have laws against atheism, so you've got a significant incentive not to reveal that you are not a believer if you live there.

I think all religion will eventually die out. Especially now, that technology is making communication so easy. It won't go without a fight though. Also, religion is very convenient for political stuff, so I fully expect that as religion dies there will be many who try to keep it because it's just so *useful* for controlling people.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-08-2017, 07:23 AM
RE: My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
(19-08-2017 07:19 AM)morondog Wrote:  That was very interesting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Are you living in a Muslim country, out of interest? I know that places like Egypt and elsewhere actually have laws against atheism, so you've got a significant incentive not to reveal that you are not a believer if you live there.

I think all religion will eventually die out. Especially now, that technology is making communication so easy. It won't go without a fight though. Also, religion is very convenient for political stuff, so I fully expect that as religion dies there will be many who try to keep it because it's just so *useful* for controlling people.

I live in Morocco I don't think there are laws against apostasy but it certainly not a good idea to open up in society. But in academic environement I think it's okay since I know a bunch of openly atheist people. Thanks for giving time to read my story Smile
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19-08-2017, 07:45 AM
RE: My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
(19-08-2017 07:04 AM)mindgod100 Wrote:  I just wanted to share with you my story I hope it wasn't too long.

Yours was an interesting story and well-worth reading. I wish you luck.
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19-08-2017, 08:23 AM
RE: My Story as a closeted Atheist and Ex-muslim (Long post)
(19-08-2017 07:04 AM)mindgod100 Wrote:  Hello Friends,

In this thread I'm going to talk about my vision, thoughts and story as an ex-muslim. It is going to be a bit of a long post.

--You can skip this introduction

Love, Fear, Lust, Peace of mind are emotions that can be strong. And are directly linked to our brain and thus the rest of our body. Produce reactions like stress , anxiety, trembling, or depression , or confusion. Well I think the worst of them is Fear. Fear is the most powerful, the strongest emotion. It calls out the animal instinctive nature of humans. Threat triggers fear, now imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen. Is it bankruptcy? Losing sight? Or maybe death ? Or let’s be a little creative, sometimes death is a relief, so suffering is the biggest threat I guess. But we all die in the end, so the suffering is never eternal always limited, temporary… Oh wait, why don’t we make it eternal, everlasting, indefinite in time? That’s pretty scary huh... suffering endlessly with no end … But we all get that this is irrational and non-realistic. That’s true.

However, are we humans rational? Do we proceed in life by thinking critically, analyzing the situation and producing the best (or a good enough) reaction to life events? Humans are irrational by nature, they are born irrational… Or maybe not say “irrational” because sometimes they just lack the required data.. Let’s take the example of baby fresh new born. Can we say that he’s rational or irrational ? He just started discovering, collecting information with his senses. His behavior the behavior of a baby is due to his lack of experience and knowledge required to fit in human society like a big person.

Okay now this baby grows up a little bit, learns to use the complexity of the human body to move and interact he can formulate some words and started understanding the environment around him. Let’s say he is 6 years old now. Let’s tell this young man that he is somehow threatened, threatened by a serious danger.. a danger even too big for his innocent small mind to digest. He is threatened with eternal, limitless suffering and pain. His parents inform him of this threat, he believes his parents obviously. Because his parents always look out for him, are here to feed him and make him happy and provide peace and love to him, why wouldn’t he believe them. And fortunately, they can help him to keep out of this threat to avoid this danger, they have the solution that will save his life, his existence. And this solution is a list of dos and don'ts that he has to follow strictly, and of course these things are not there for nothing they are there because there is an all-loving all-powerful being up there in the sky who is superior of any needs or relatives or anything human BUT he gets very angry when we don’t follow his list, and well the only purpose of his existence, is to punish/reward some silly humans which he himself created. And there's more it's not just pain and suffering, if you follow the sky guy's rules you get rewarded with anything you want in life. All the things the young man desires from foods and sweets to games and toys and anything the young boy wants in life.

For him it was not that bad a deal, getting saved from endless suffering and Winning the land of infinite pleasure. By only following some set of rules that are not really hard, and identifying as a Muslim. Well that last condition is fulfilled by default since he is basically born a Muslim.

//You can skip the part above and start from here ---------------------------------------------------------------------

This is my vision of child indoctrination and also my story. I was raised by my parents who were devout my muslim to be a young devout muslim. I really though that I was lucky to be raised in a muslim family and I admired my father.

I used to go to mosque with him and pray sometimes, since it's not obligatory until puberty. He was also sending me to learn quran which I hated because I found it extremely boring, but I still went and never dared to complain about since I thought it was sacred.

From my early childhood I was interested in programming, I discovered it at the age of 11 since my dad was a software engineer.

Later on I started school and I was a lazy guy , who didn't study that much or at all but still got very high marks especially in maths and physics classes. My parents were proud of me, for both my studies and me being a good muslim boy. My parents got me into a particular school that follows and tries to teach children islamic education I continued until high-school that's where I started to think and eventually got really into that Islam stuff and became really devout. I was liking it to be honest I always felt out of this world when I was praying. And believed with all my heart and might that that was the truth without a shred of doubt. The environment in my high school was islamic oriented so it did help as well because I had friends who were also devout muslims. The environment in there was too perfect and I also was in love with a girl which I had planned to marry since it's haram to have a girlfriend lol, I was also participating in coding contests, so I didn't have a reason to question or look for anything else. But at the same time I was watching too much american tv shows and movies and japanese anime.

It was until the last year of high-school that I changed the school since I was choosing a Mathematics Option that wasn't available in my school since there wasn't enough people choosing it, to have a decent class. That year I got more interested in science, I started reading about the universe and time and theories of great scientists. And I avoided reading about evolution. At first I was amazed by how the universe was made and thought it was a truly god's masterpiece. And that was where I confronted different people, homosexuals, atheists, and most of the guys there weren't really real muslims. And there weren't a lot of girls wearing hijab etc.. I have confronted a lot of things that contradicted my beliefs, but still I didn't directly think of doubting my religion. But there was a time when my family had traveled so I have stayed home alone, I enjoyed staying home alone. But the alone time is where deep thoughts kick in. That week a thought was eating my mind. It was the thought that maybe life is meaningless, I felt there is a probabilty that life has no purpose and no meaning and it scared me, It bugged me in my prayers and I really had a hard time, and when I consulted muslim sources on how to deal with doubts, It said that these were satan's whispers and you have to repell them by saying the name of god and the prayers, but it never really gave any answers to my questions.

The time passes and I the final exams arrive and I have forgotten my questions and doubts, as I was too much distracted by studies. Until last year, my first year in architecture school. I met more different minded people and had different visions of life, architecture school had really open minded people I started having atheist friends and I started reading about evolution, unlike any other community in the rest of the country. That's when I started asking the right questions about religion and having bigger doubts but at first I only got to islamic sources to kill my doubts which did not deliver any worthwhile. But only made it worse since I found some hadith that said that you shouldn't ask a lot about stuff because it leads to harm. Some tv shows also Influenced my visions like Vikings of history channel. Since It showed how the vikings fought and were ready to die to enter Valhalla. And I had thought that only muslims could die for their religion since they had god's power with them. And also Mr Robot had a church scene that really got into me.

And whenever I went into some online debate, I was always feeling some leaning towards the atheists opinions and the religious opinions never satisfied me. That's when I said , okay enough I need to see things both ways and I started to read about atheist points of views. I read Dawkins' well known book The God Delusion and Why I Left Islam by Ibn Warraq and it made clear to me how bullshit is religion.

And that's when I became an atheist. I spend a month closeted. And later I found out I had a friend who was also a closeted atheist with whom I could discuss and share my thoughts and it helped me a lot.

I find it really sad how we have to be closeted in this muslim society and have to be chained by islamic bullshit. I still pretend that I am still doing my 5 prayers but I'm getting really annoyed when my parents start telling me stuff about religion. Like I need to go to mosque and they start arguing by giving me hadith and quran quotes. And I want to scream "I DON’T BELIEVE YOUR BULLSHIT" but it's bad idea since I had one time attempted to open up a little and tell my parents that I get some doubts about religion. But it went really Wrong and they started asking me If had bad friends who influence me and started watching me asking me if I'm still having doubts every now and then and my dad who wants to desperately convince me, and I got incredibly annoyed that I almost hated them, one time my mom even started crying because of that. That's when I realised that it's a bad idea to come out so I have pretended that I have come to a conclusion that islam is the true religion, because my life was becoming a living hell. And I now want to leave to live alone as soon as possible.



I just wanted to share with you my story I hope it wasn't too long. But sadly there are more and more closeted atheists that are living in worse conditions than mine. I just wish Islam vanishes some day

There are people in closets all over the world.

Makes me wish there was one day when all those closet atheists could step out and be counted. I think everyone would be surprised how many there are, and that they have neighbors/friends/colleagues who are also atheist.

It's pretty much the same as it was with gays...

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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