My answers to KC's Questions
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28-03-2015, 10:18 AM
My answers to KC's Questions
In another thread, Kingschosen asked CotW some questions. I don't want to intrude on that thread, but my alter ego would like to have a go at the questions:

1) What is your denomination?

I am a Pastafarian. As will be seen from what follows, I subscribe to the anti-pirate schism of Pastafarianism.

2) What is your stance on the Doctrine of Free Will versus the Doctrine of Election?

There is neither free will nor election. Well, we have some choice, but 99.9% of our decision-making is constrained by our personality and our circumstances. Everyone will go to heaven, but Pastafarians get to go to the head of the line at the Beer Volcano.

3) What is your Origins stance (ie - YEC, OEC, Progressive Creationist, Theistic Evolutionist, etc)?

The universe, including the Earth, was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster exactly seven days ago. It was created with all the fossils in the ground, all the starlight in route to the Earth and throughout space to give a perfect illusion of an origin some 13.8 billion years ago in a big bang, an origin of the Earth and our solar system some 4 or 5 billion years ago, etc. We (those of us born more than seven days ago) were created with the illusion of memories of a fictional past implanted in our brains and indistinguishable from real memories.) The FSM did not do this to confound anyone. The FSM just thought it would be funny.

4) What is your eschatological stance (ie - Pre Trib, Post Trib, Amillennial, etc)?

Tribulation, as it is commonly understood, will not happen, though some might regard this life as a sort of tribulation. However, the world will go on forever.

5) Do you believe in a literal Bible?

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is literal.

6) Do you believe in an infallible Bible? Or an inerrant Bible? Or both?

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster contains significant errors, most importantly in its description of Pirates as fun-loving, seafaring party people, and in its characterization of them as the Chosen People. Bobby Henderson misunderstood the significance of the relation between pirate numbers and global warming. Pirates are bloodthirsty thieves and murderers. There are no "chosen people." People choose themselves. The G of the FSM also mistakes beer for grog. Grog is watered rum. This is not beer.

7) Which version of the Bible do you use for study?

There's really only one Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Pastafarianism has not yet had time to produce multiple scriptures.

8) What is your background when it comes to Ancient Near East history, culture, and writings?

Some casual reading. Nothing deep. I am not an authority. It's not really relevant for my belief system, especially since none of it ever really happened. Nothing further back than seven days ago ever really happened.

9) What is your background in regards to the Greek and Hebrew language?

None. As above, not really relevant for Pastafarians.

10) Do you give credence to non-canonized books (ie - Book of Enoch, The Assumption of Moses, Gospel of Thomas, etc)?

If "credence" means regarding them as reliable sources of history, then no, I don't. If "credence" means regarding them as actual old books, written long ago by people who felt they had something to say, then yes, I regard them exactly as I regard all books. Some are better written than others. The ones mentioned, for example, are not as well written as Homer's Odyssey.

Faith, according to Mark Twain, is believing what you know ain't so. I have faith in the FSM and I look forward to drinking from the beer volcano after I die. I hope it's a cold beer volcano, and not a hot beer volcano. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster does not specify. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can be purchased at bookstores, on line, or in e-book form.

"El mar se mide por olas,
el cielo por alas,
nosotros por lágrimas."
-- Jaime Sabines
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28-03-2015, 11:22 AM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  10) Do you give credence to non-canonized books (ie - Book of Enoch, The Assumption of Moses, Gospel of Thomas, etc)?

If "credence" means regarding them as reliable sources of history, then no, I don't. If "credence" means regarding them as actual old books, written long ago by people who felt they had something to say, then yes, I regard them exactly as I regard all books. Some are better written than others. The ones mentioned, for example, are not as well written as Homer's Odyssey.
Heretic! ALL books older than seven days were created with the rest of the universe.

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
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28-03-2015, 01:53 PM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
(28-03-2015 11:22 AM)NoSkyDaddy Wrote:  Heretic! ALL books older than seven days were created with the rest of the universe.

Point taken. But still, some of them are better than others. Rolleyes

"El mar se mide por olas,
el cielo por alas,
nosotros por lágrimas."
-- Jaime Sabines
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29-03-2015, 01:19 AM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  1) What is your denomination?
I prefer the smaller denominations since I do not like to make change but I will accept anything up to $50.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  2) What is your stance on the Doctrine of Free Will versus the Doctrine of Election?
Since I have no say as to who is on the ballot I reject both.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  3) What is your Origins stance (ie - YEC, OEC, Progressive Creationist, Theistic Evolutionist, etc)?
Origins generally suck, especially Wolverine. Superman I was pretty good.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  4) What is your eschatological stance (ie - Pre Trib, Post Trib, Amillennial, etc)?
The Tribune and the Post both have balanced coverage. I've never heard of that other paper.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  5) Do you believe in a literal Bible?
As literature the Bible generally sucks.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  6) Do you believe in an infallible Bible?
Bibles are not exempt from the Law of Gravity and if you drop one it will fall.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  Or an inerrant Bible?
Just tell me where its nozzle is. I'll get my err pressure gauge and get back to you.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  7) Which version of the Bible do you use for study?
I graduated from college in '75 and have not studied since.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  8) What is your background when it comes to Ancient Near East history, culture, and writings?
I've seen Ben Hur seven times.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  9) What is your background in regards to the Greek and Hebrew language?
They're both Greek to me.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  10) Do you give credence to non-canonized books (ie - Book of Enoch, The Assumption of Moses, Gospel of Thomas, etc)?
I'm pretty sure if you fired a book out of a canon it would rip it to shreds.

Sapere aude
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29-03-2015, 06:59 AM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
(29-03-2015 01:19 AM)f stop Wrote:  As literature the Bible generally sucks.

Dude, as literature the Bible has it all: Adventure, poetry, porn.

"El mar se mide por olas,
el cielo por alas,
nosotros por lágrimas."
-- Jaime Sabines
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29-03-2015, 08:16 AM (This post was last modified: 29-03-2015 08:19 AM by The Organic Chemist.)
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
This looks fun. I'll play.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  1) What is your denomination?
I will accept checks but I prefer cash.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  2) What is your stance on the Doctrine of Free Will versus the Doctrine of Election?
Willy was already freed years ago by that kid and the electoral college nullifues my vote. I prefer the Doctorine of Free Wilzyx. Free Hat was a too creepy for me.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  3) What is your Origins stance (ie - YEC, OEC, Progressive Creationist, Theistic Evolutionist, etc)?
While the missionary is fun, I do also prefer doggy sometimes or whatever stance I can get her to do. Othertimes, I like to have the wife take whatever stance she desires. So basically, I have no idea which stance I was in when my kid's had their Origin. As to my own origin, I would rather not know. Ewww.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  4) What is your eschatological stance (ie - Pre Trib, Post Trib, Amillennial, etc)?
I don't go for scat but since Bones revived the Trib, post-trib.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  5) Do you believe in a literal Bible?
. Yup. The bible is literally one of the worst books ever written. Very little character, very little character development. It jumps without telling you. The internal stories don't agree with each other and it has this pompous sense of self worth. And that main character. Wow. Talk about an abusive parent. A better ending would have been for Child Services to show up to save the day. Instead of that last chapter where the dad throws his kids into the basement and is proud of it.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  6) Do you believe in an infallible Bible?
Sure. In the way that Harry Potter proved he-who-must-not-be-named (not Sye, the other one).

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  Or an inerrant Bible?
Considering the first 10 sentences are complete BS the questuon is moot.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  7) Which version of the Bible do you use for study?
Reading anything other than hiw it was originally written (KJV) is blasphemy.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  8) What is your background when it comes to Ancient Near East history, culture, and writings?
I've seen every movie by Charleton Heston several times. Take THAT fstop!

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  9) What is your background in regards to the Greek and Hebrew language?
I have never been one for fraternities or sororities.

(28-03-2015 10:18 AM)daniel1948 Wrote:  10) Do you give credence to non-canonized books (ie - Book of Enoch, The Assumption of Moses, Gospel of Thomas, etc)?
Unless these books were written or sung by John Fogerty, I give them no Creedence at all.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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30-03-2015, 03:17 AM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
(29-03-2015 08:16 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  I've seen every movie by Charleton Heston several times. Take THAT fstop!
If you have seen Planet of the Apes, either version and he was in both, more than once then you have truly suffered for your faith, err, lack of faith.

Sapere aude
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30-03-2015, 07:51 AM
RE: My answers to KC's Questions
I disagree -- I believe there is an FSM hell.....

It's exactly the same as FSM heaven - except the beer volcano erupts stale, warm Coors -- and the stripper factory only makes ugly ones.

....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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