My dad never wants to see me again...
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06-02-2017, 09:08 PM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
At work.

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07-02-2017, 02:04 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
He sounds like a right bastard.

IMO you're better off without him.

Good luck to you, Emma.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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07-02-2017, 02:50 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
Quote:Fuck him

I agree. It's good to take out the garbage. Some may say you'll regret it after he dies. I say what you would regret is every second you waste on this asshole. Finally, telling my dad to fuck the fuck off years ago was a great call. When he dies I'll be happy to know it's a 100%.
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07-02-2017, 03:50 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
I'm afraid—as an older bloke—that I'd offer a far more temperate view of your father's opinions and rejection of you and your chosen life-path Emma.

I don't see it as productive and/or conciliatory comments here saying stuff like "you're better off without him", "fuck him", "disown him", "it's good to take out the garbage", "he's already dead", or "he sounds like a right bastard".

We don't even know the bloke, and can't even imagine the psychological demons he's fighting right now—anguish, confusion, depression, fear, sorrow, and despair—to name some of the possibilities.

It's difficult for any other individual to comprehend the tsunami of mixed emotions that must flood a parent who's nurtured and fed and educated a child to discover after 20 years that their child chooses to no longer be a "son" or a "daughter", but the opposite of either.

After all, he is the bloke that looked after you during those earlier years—you can't justifiably simply write off all that care and support and those decades of genuine love and affection.

I'd also be interested to know what the "many, many other concessions" you made for him were.

Good luck. Smile

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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07-02-2017, 04:27 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
Hey Siz.
Mate, you're a nice bloke. It's my experience that many nice people are in their way unable to understand non nice people. I've seen it when attempting to show a nice person how to fight. They had a harder time with it.

Then there's another kind. Aggressive, and negative and uncaring of others.

I am glad I left certain people behind. And perhaps they me.

There's an attack of another going on here. No matter what this guy's going through, to treat a loved one in this manner isn't right, mate. It's not on. He's acting like a bastard. It's so selfish.

It's enough to make you want to go to the pub, get a schooner and forget him.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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07-02-2017, 04:55 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
It is nice to give people the benefit of the doubt... Hard to tell the tone of the Dad's messages - if he's being an authoritarian dickhead who's annoyed that his progeny disobeyed him (definitely the tack my old man's taken on occasion) or whether he's genuinely going through a hard time adjusting, Emma you're the one who can make that call and act accordingly.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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07-02-2017, 05:09 AM (This post was last modified: 07-02-2017 05:14 AM by RocketSurgeon76.)
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
His heart may harden for a while, but I think in the end he will realize that he has an amazing daughter who is an incredible person, and that he is losing a chance to let go of his preconceptions and prejudices and truly love the amazing person you are and have always been. Your strength is incredible and your wife is an incredibly strong and, as a result, a lucky woman. She has a strong and beautiful wife, and that is beautiful!

One day he may be looking back on his life and realize that he forced away what could have been the best thing in his life, all over a prejudice, a ironclad preconception that is to him more precious than his own child. He is to be pitied, and you are not at all to blame. I know you already know this on some level, but I think it's important you be reminded. He is the one with the problem, and it is all to his detriment. I think he will realize it one day, sadly too late.

And this sort of thing is why I think religion's harms at this point in the world outweigh the benefits to society that it confers. There are simply too many of the bad examples surrounding the good examples. We can celebrate the people who do kind and selfless things, and form a great society, as a result of their religious beliefs. But we can be sad that their efforts to contain the harm done by these Iron Age goatherder sexual and tribal mores have apparently failed. The followers of Paul, or Paulians as I like to call them (regardless of Catholic, Protestant, or any other sect), have effectively taken the church away from people who simply try to follow the example of the Christ claimant/character, himself.

It is not your fault that they become this awful. It is a prison in which they have entrapped their minds. They cannot accept well-understood science because of this prison of thought. I feel sad for them. They miss out on so many things that make the world better, broader, and more interesting.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to endure what you have. I think your wife is an incredible woman to have taken this and loved you through it all, and opened her mind and heart. I find myself in green awe of the two of you. Blush

[Edit: To those from other cultures who may read this and not know, green is a color that denotes the emotion of envy.]

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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07-02-2017, 05:27 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
Smart people can do dumb things.

...

A neighbor of ours - also a friend -- disowned his daughter when she came out some 20 years ago.....

They didn't talk for years.

But, eventually -- he figured it out -- that he was being an asshole.

They get along fine now.

It's gonna be tough - but you'll pull through -- and I'm betting eventually he'll come around.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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07-02-2017, 05:35 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
(06-02-2017 11:20 AM)Emma Wrote:  Gonna be a bit of a rant. But I want to get this off my chest.

I haven't talked to my father for a year as of last Christmas. The Christmas before we sat in a Starbucks on Marco Island, Florida. And while there we argued about the fact that I'm trans. To him, he'll only ever have a son. No matter what medical, legal, social, or emotional changes take place. He'll never consider me Emma.

We were able to deal with the fact that I'm an atheist. It led to several long debates and discussions about the existence of God. He could handle that, even in his ultra-conservative mind. He's a professor at Liberty University and a former Navy chief, for any who want to know. He's not a stupid man. He's just obstinate and hates LGBTQ people. And he can't deal with the fact that I fall in that acronym.

Lately I've been in the process of updating my documents with my new legal name. I needed a new passport, as that's one of the highest documents you can get to prove your identity in the US. It's ID at the federal level. About a week ago, I texted him to ask him for his DOB and birth place, required for my passport. First time I've really tried opening the lines of communication since the Starbucks blow-up.

More than a week lapsed and then he finally messaged me with this:
Quote:Remember that you father in heaven, and on earth with love you forever. I will be here if you decide to return, but will love you regardless of where you are. You will always be my #deadname# in my heart. #dob# #birthplace# Love, your dad.

This set me off, because I haven't gone anywhere. In fact, I actually did try talking to him once in early 2016 after the Starbucks blow-up. I called him and tried chatting with him, but he was mostly stoic and wouldn't answer but with one or two words. So I gave up. Some fucking "love"...

I replied with:

Quote:Thanks for getting back to me, but I already got the information I needed. I've gone nowhere, however I won't answer to my dead-name any longer. Please do contact me when you are willing to offer me enough basic respect to refer to me as I prefer. Best wishes, Emma

I had asked my mom for the info. They are long divorced, so I'm lucky she remembered. I had figured my dad was just going to completely ignore me.

He responded with this:

Quote:Won't happen son. I never had a daughter and nothing in the entire universe can change that fact, not even your choice to alter what you can on paper, by surgery, or by hormones. I will give you the basic respect of telling you the truth, no matter what you choose to hear. Do not come and visit me when I am dying or dead unless it is as #deadname#

My dad has completely rejected me. Given me a condition that I cannot meet. The old me is gone. He will never return. I didn't stay as the old me for my wife, and I'm sure as fuck not going to do it for my ass-hole of a dad.

I'm careening between wanting to sob and being so angry that I just think of everything I want to say in response. But I think I will let him have that last word. Maybe it will weigh on him over the years. He's the one who loses out in this deal. I'm not missing anything- a dad that forces his will upon me. No. No longer. He's the one who is losing his child. Pushing her away because of his own bigoted beliefs.

Fuck him.

He needs time to process. Many parents need some time to understand that their child has changed gender; it will take a very long time for you father who is indoctrinated by jayzus (or so it seems in your post).

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07-02-2017, 05:39 AM
RE: My dad never wants to see me again...
Quote:After all, he is the bloke that looked after you during those earlier years—you can't justifiably simply write off all that care and support and those decades of genuine love and affection.

She can still be grateful for that even express that if she wants but that doesn't mean she should sacrifice the present. You don't give someone a lifetime pass because they raised you. If they choose to be a detriment to your life you drop them. Like him, she only has one life to live.

Quote:It's difficult for any other individual to comprehend the tsunami of mixed emotions that must flood a parent who's nurtured and fed and educated a child to discover after 20 years that their child chooses to no longer be a "son" or a "daughter", but the opposite of either.

If he loves the person instead of his own preconceived idea of who the person is it shouldn't matter to him. An offspring isn't a possession.
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