My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
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11-06-2016, 12:06 AM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
(10-06-2016 08:59 PM)popsthebuilder Wrote:  ...
I agree that here in this thread is not the place to discuss such, and wasn't.
...

Noted. Thank you.


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12-06-2016, 12:53 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
(10-06-2016 08:14 AM)Ash Wrote:  They tried guilting her into it. "Jesus died for you, don't you think you can go to camp for him for one week?" and "Don't you want to go to heaven when you die, so you can see your mom?"
This sort of talk to a (possibly) impressionable child is WAY out of order in the 21st century Ash. I really think it's time you stopped your daughter from receiving phone calls from them. Tell her that if they happen to call again and she answers, to just say politely "I'll just get dad for you, hold on please", and put the phone down and come and get you.

Quote:I'm sure it bothered her a little though, and that was their intent.
And this is grossly unfair, and, dare I say it, very unChristian. I'd be telling them it's okay for them to see your daughter, and have a chat with her, but that any discussion with religious overtones is not on. Let them know firmly that as her dad, the responsibility lies with you to teach her about morals and ethics, and social mores, and not theirs. Mixed messages from "authority" figures can really screw kids up.

Quote:Also, I think a child can make several decisions for themselves.
I agree; certainly at age 11 kids are able to absorb and rationalise a lot of stuff if it's presented to them in a logical way, backed up with evidence (which religious proselytising does not do).

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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12-06-2016, 02:29 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
Well, I managed to get a hold of them yesterday. I told them that they upset her, and that I thought it was inappropriate for them to guilt her into doing something by invoking her mother. They were shocked that I thought this, of course, and said they were only expressing their feelings and concerns, and they weren't trying to guilt her at all. If I had a bullshit meter, I'm sure I'd be needing a new one after that conversation. Eventually they agreed to drop the whole Vacation Bible School thing.

...Of course they called back today, and asked if they could take her to church with them every Sunday. They said they'd drive up here to pick her up Saturday evenings, and then drive her back home after church on Sunday's. I just flat out said no to that. I don't think it'd be good for her to be traveling that much (It's about a 2 hour drive). Not to mention it would interfere with any plans we had for any Sunday pretty much ever. They seemed to have accepted it, but then they tried to undermine me by calling her and trying to convince me to let her go. Apparently they were playing the 'sweet' card, by being really nice and promising to take her out to eat after church. I really don't like that they tried to undermine my authority there. I haven't called them back, but I told my daughter if they call again and try to force something on her, to tell them they'll have to talk to me, and bring me the phone. I think that may be the best way to deal with this. Of course it relies on my daughter actually doing it--but I think for the most part she will.

I'm not so sure about letting her stay with them for much time, honestly. It concerns me that they're trying to push their religion on her so hard. I mean I knew they took her to church every Sunday when she lived with them after her mom died. And I think her grandfather is a sunday school teacher. But I didn't think it'd push this far. I'm guessing they decided to start pushing because they've picked up on the fact she doesn't like taking their little bible quizzes when she visits. I'm thinking of telling her if they ever force her to do something she doesn't like, to call her other grandma (the best option, because my mother is a forced to be reckoned with) or one of her Aunts or Great Aunt (all of whom live near her grandparents) to come and pick her up, and then call me once they've done so . Not sure if that'd be going too far, but I'm starting to think it should be done if she's going to be spending time with them without me around.
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12-06-2016, 02:38 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
Wow. Sounds like they need supervised visits. If they persist in calling your daughter directly with the religious pressure, I personally would figure out a way to keep that from happening. Good luck with a workable solution.
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12-06-2016, 03:22 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
(12-06-2016 02:29 PM)Ash Wrote:  Well, I managed to get a hold of them yesterday. I told them that they upset her, and that I thought it was inappropriate for them to guilt her into doing something by invoking her mother. They were shocked that I thought this, of course, and said they were only expressing their feelings and concerns, and they weren't trying to guilt her at all. If I had a bullshit meter, I'm sure I'd be needing a new one after that conversation. Eventually they agreed to drop the whole Vacation Bible School thing.

...Of course they called back today, and asked if they could take her to church with them every Sunday. They said they'd drive up here to pick her up Saturday evenings, and then drive her back home after church on Sunday's. I just flat out said no to that. I don't think it'd be good for her to be traveling that much (It's about a 2 hour drive). Not to mention it would interfere with any plans we had for any Sunday pretty much ever. They seemed to have accepted it, but then they tried to undermine me by calling her and trying to convince me to let her go. Apparently they were playing the 'sweet' card, by being really nice and promising to take her out to eat after church. I really don't like that they tried to undermine my authority there. I haven't called them back, but I told my daughter if they call again and try to force something on her, to tell them they'll have to talk to me, and bring me the phone. I think that may be the best way to deal with this. Of course it relies on my daughter actually doing it--but I think for the most part she will.

I'm not so sure about letting her stay with them for much time, honestly. It concerns me that they're trying to push their religion on her so hard. I mean I knew they took her to church every Sunday when she lived with them after her mom died. And I think her grandfather is a sunday school teacher. But I didn't think it'd push this far. I'm guessing they decided to start pushing because they've picked up on the fact she doesn't like taking their little bible quizzes when she visits. I'm thinking of telling her if they ever force her to do something she doesn't like, to call her other grandma (the best option, because my mother is a forced to be reckoned with) or one of her Aunts or Great Aunt (all of whom live near her grandparents) to come and pick her up, and then call me once they've done so . Not sure if that'd be going too far, but I'm starting to think it should be done if she's going to be spending time with them without me around.

Wow! It sounds like they've declared war. This is the second time in, what, a couple of days?, that they've flat-out gone behind your back after you have said no and tried to undermine you. I would strongly urge you to limit the amount of time your daughter spends alone with them. It's probably best if the only time they spend with her is with a third party present, either yourself or one of your sane relatives. Who knows what horrible things they will start telling her in order to get her to convert?
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12-06-2016, 03:46 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
How is going to school a vacation?

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12-06-2016, 05:38 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
(12-06-2016 02:29 PM)Ash Wrote:  I'm not so sure about letting her stay with them for much time, honestly.

Trust that instinct. If this is how they behave when you're around I shudder to think what they might be like if you weren't.

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12-06-2016, 05:43 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
(09-06-2016 09:41 AM)Ash Wrote:  I'm starting to think I should have told them "Well, she didn't get all A's this year, so I'm not sure she really deserves to get to go do something fun like vacation bible school. Sorry, but I've gotta punish her by not letting her go."

Punishment is something that Christians understand and appreciate.
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12-06-2016, 05:48 PM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
It might be time to play hardball. Can you block their phone number and e-mail?
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13-06-2016, 11:47 AM
RE: My daughter's grandparents want to send her to vacation bible school
Well they haven't called back so far. Hopefully that's a good sign. I have no idea what their stance is on a number of issues (Evolution, Same Sex Marriage, among other things). I'm a little worried about what they might fill her head with. I mean I wasn't worried about it much before--I mean she showed none of the usual religious beliefs. She even attended my sister's wedding (my sister is a Lesbian) and didn't think it was 'weird' or 'unusual' or 'icky'. So if they have said anything to her about those things, it's not sinking in. I guess I have her mother to thank for that. As far as I know (and I didn't know her that well--thus not knowing I had a daughter) she wasn't much like her parents.

I don't think I'll block them yet, but if they try to undermine my authority again I'll have to consider it. I'm still new to this whole being a dad thing. I mean I've got other kids, but they're all very little still, and my wife is much more comfortable helping me with them than she is with her step-daughter. She's still adjusting a little to it. I think we all are.
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