My experience of depression
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
15-05-2017, 07:26 AM
My experience of depression
For the world to get to understand what depression is, sufferers have to try to explain it. Right now I'm also just not feeling too well, and feeling a bit alone with it, so I feel a need to share what it feels like to me. Anyway, some intimate honesty here.
I've come up with a metaphor for the experience of depression (at least for my own).
It's like being tied to a very heavy weight. Heavier than yourself, just heavy enough for you to only be able to lift it off the ground for a second or two before you have to give up. And to do anything, literally anything, including activities you do sitting down, you have to lift the damn weight for the duration of it. So you can be completely paralyzed and physically and mentally incapable of doing things as a result. It takes more strength than you can muster.
It feels embarrassing to admit, but on bad days I've found myself friggin' stuck on the toilet because I couldn't lift the damn weight for long enough to get up. I can be unable to watch tv or read a book because of it.
No amount of trying to get rid of the weight works. By lifting the weight regularly it doesn't get easier to lift it. So there's no such thing as success experiences that can motivate you to lift better.
Depression is not just feeling sad. You can't just cheer up or pull yourself together. You can't cure it by going for walks on the beach or meditating. Inspirational quotes don't help.
Real depression is a serious, physical disease of the brain. It takes professional treatment to make it better and it's not an easy process.
So when you encounter someone with depression, remember how much strength and effort even the smallest thing takes for them. And give them a hug Smile

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 14 users Like LadyDay's post
15-05-2017, 07:41 AM
RE: My experience of depression
Hug

I've only ever observed it from the outside looking in. It doesn't look like fun at all. Thanks for sharing Smile

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like morondog's post
15-05-2017, 07:55 AM
RE: My experience of depression
I've been through it, and it sucks.

I don't really think I can put into words how things got for me, but as a brief note it got to a point where I would often have suicidal thoughts, and I'd have to really try hard not to follow up on them, and it'd all be involuntary as well, like the thought comes of it's own accord into my head, normally when I'm doing something completely random, and it essentially 'shocks' me back into reality.

Not been in that sort of place for a while now, so if you're going through it I can only say "get help", whether that be just talking to somebody or visiting a doctor, it's better to do that than suffer in silence.

"I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner" - Rick
I now sell T-Shirts Here! Please Check it out Thumbsup
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like OakTree500's post
15-05-2017, 08:03 AM
RE: My experience of depression
*hugs*

I am so sorry you struggle with depression. While I've never experienced this myself, it helps to understand what others who do experience this go through. I hope through advancements in science, the weight gets easier for you to bear and ultimately disappears. You're such a wonderful, kind, smart, funny person--you deserve to be happy and share all of that goodness with the world.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like jennybee's post
15-05-2017, 08:12 AM
RE: My experience of depression
Hi, día de la señora. Another metaphor I use is it's like thinking through mud. Have you tried any of the racetams? Or Adderall or Ritalin? I have had luck with pramiracetam, oxiracetam, aniracetam, and phenylpiracetam. They're not typically used for depression but for enhanced cognitive processing but as it turns out not being able to think properly is a big part of my depression.

Here's another metaphor I use.



There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like GirlyMan's post
15-05-2017, 08:16 AM
RE: My experience of depression
(15-05-2017 07:41 AM)morondog Wrote:  Hug

I've only ever observed it from the outside looking in. It doesn't look like fun at all. Thanks for sharing Smile

Nah, it kinda sucks. Fortunately it's treatable. Even in the cases where it takes drastic measures. For some of us it's chronic, but even then it can be treated well enough to give life quality, even if it's a handicap.
I love to be alive now. Even if I can still get stuck on the loo from time to time. Big Grin

(15-05-2017 07:55 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  I've been through it, and it sucks.

I don't really think I can put into words how things got for me, but as a brief note it got to a point where I would often have suicidal thoughts, and I'd have to really try hard not to follow up on them, and it'd all be involuntary as well, like the thought comes of it's own accord into my head, normally when I'm doing something completely random, and it essentially 'shocks' me back into reality.

Not been in that sort of place for a while now, so if you're going through it I can only say "get help", whether that be just talking to somebody or visiting a doctor, it's better to do that than suffer in silence.

Yeah, I know that feeling of hopelessness and like it's just too damn hard work to continue the painful and hopeless existence. But fortunately I never reached the point where I tried to end it. Only got close once.

And don't worry. I'm getten loads of help. I have the most amazing psychiatrist on the planet and a great psychologist. Psychology sessions never really did anything for me, but medical treatment eventually really did. I got 53 Electroconvulsive Therapy treatments which really helped (something I like to advocate for, for people with severe treatment resistant depression. It's hard work, but it's not torture these days since you're under general anesthesia, so completely knocked out, and paralyzed with muscle relaxants so you don't flail about and hurt yourself), and I'm on a cocktail of 4 anti-depressants, the serious ones, and when needed two sedatives for anxiety. So I'm taken well care off and doing really, really well. I'm glad to be alive and get to enjoy it a lot. So there's light at the end of the tunnel for anybody, even these chronic cases. Medical science rocks!!!

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like LadyDay's post
15-05-2017, 08:28 AM
RE: My experience of depression
I only ever had situational depression - after my second husband died. The weight you talked about describes it pretty well, as do the muddy thoughts.

It lasted some 7 months and cleared up as the triggers wore off. (Grief triggers do wear off over time).

I can't imagine feeling like that permanently.... glad to hear your treatments worked for you.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Dom's post
15-05-2017, 08:33 AM
RE: My experience of depression
(15-05-2017 08:03 AM)jennybee Wrote:  *hugs*

I am so sorry you struggle with depression. While I've never experienced this myself, it helps to understand what others who do experience this go through. I hope through advancements in science, the weight gets easier for you to bear and ultimately disappears. You're such a wonderful, kind, smart, funny person--you deserve to be happy and share all of that goodness with the world.

You are really sweet. Thank you.
Medical science, though lacking behind when it comes to mental illness, is fortunately already pretty powerful when it comes to depression.
I am fortunate to live in a country with free health care, and I have the most awesome psychiatrist, so I'm well taken care off and generally doing very well. So I can appreciate how wonderful life is now. Which is the most valuable and awesome thing. Happiness is an amazing feeling and I'm still in awe when I feel it (I've been depressed since childhood, so happiness is still a new and wonderful feeling).
Life is the most amazing thing. It's great to finally get to feel that! Despite the weight still being there, it's much lighter most days. Smile

(15-05-2017 08:12 AM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Hi, día de la señora. Another metaphor I use is it's like thinking through mud. Have you tried any of the racetams? Or Adderall or Ritalin? I have had luck with pramiracetam, oxiracetam, aniracetam, and phenylpiracetam. They're not typically used for depression but for enhanced cognitive processing but as it turns out not being able to think properly is a big part of my depression.

Here's another metaphor I use.



Thinking through mud indeed! Slow processor.
I am enjoying an excellent cocktail of Lamotrigin, Lyrica, Anafranil, Euthyrox (normally used for thyroid conditions, but recent research shows it can increase the effectiveness of antidepressants) and as needed Oxapax and Quetiapin. Have no idea if the brands you mention have some of the same active ingredients. I've tried a lot of stuff earlier, but this combo has worked well at maintaining the effect of the ECT treatments I've received a while back.
So I'm almost autodidact psychiatrist too now! Big Grin

By the coin spinny-thingy do you mean that it's like going around in circles and it takes a long time to reach the goal?

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LadyDay's post
15-05-2017, 08:34 AM
RE: My experience of depression
(15-05-2017 08:33 AM)LadyDay Wrote:  By the coin spinny-thingy do you mean that it's like going around in circles and it takes a long time to reach the goal?

I mean it can spiral out of control at an ever increasing rate.

Have they ever tried Ritalin or any other psycho-stimulants on you?

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
15-05-2017, 08:39 AM
RE: My experience of depression
(15-05-2017 08:28 AM)Dom Wrote:  I only ever had situational depression - after my second husband died. The weight you talked about describes it pretty well, as do the muddy thoughts.

It lasted some 7 months and cleared up as the triggers wore off. (Grief triggers do wear off over time).

I can't imagine feeling like that permanently.... glad to hear your treatments worked for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I can definitely see how that can trigger a depression. I can't even begin to imagine how life would be without my amazing partner. I wouldn't have made here without his support. It's incredible how over a long time (we've been together for ten years so far) it's possible to just keep loving a person more and more. Despite the challenges all relationships go through eventually. Losing such a partner must be devastating.
I'm so glad to hear you managed to work through the grief.

"I believe that while not all people are essentially good, most are trying" - Adam Savage
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like LadyDay's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: