My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
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15-02-2016, 01:07 PM
My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
So I have a coworker (22) that's in an abusive relationship, me and her have became pretty good friends and we share a lot of private stuff that's going on in our lives. She's been with her boyfriend for 3 years on and off, and he's psycho. He constantly thinks she's cheating because in her last relationship she was cheating on her ex with him. He calls her a slut, whore, bitch etc. He checks her vagina every day to make sure she's not sleeping with anyone else, he doesn't allow her to have friends or even hang out with them. He doesn't allow her to go anywhere without him, and he has all her social media passwords and phone password. He's in the past beat her really badly and she had to put a restraining order on him. He once sent her to jail over false allegations, and he threatens her. I've seen the text messages and heard the phone calls, and he's seriously psycho. Yesterday we had to work, and she posted a photo of me and her on facebook and he got mad because he said that the only reason why she posted it, was because she wanted my guy friends to hit me up about her.
He told her that he already "talked" to her about this, and that he hates her and resents her and she's made his life hell. His step father has a restraining order against him because he beat the shit out of him, and his mother is afraid of him because he's also beat the shit out of her.
Yesterday something really terrible happened though, they were arguing all day over text, we'll just call her boyfriend "B". So she decided to stay over a coworkers house who is also a friend and knows "B" because she used to date B's cousin. This coworker who used to date B's cousin, lives down the street from B, and my friend notified B that she would be spending the night there. Well, another one of our coworkers who is male, we'll call him "R", decided to tag along. Now my friend, we'll call her "D", has had this weird relationship with R, he used to kind of flirt with her and she would flirt back. But recently its died down a lot. Long story short, they were all over this coworkers house and I guess B came in last night and was screaming for D and asking where she was. He saw R was there and he was passed out on the couch. So R, came out the next morning and I guess B had been waiting for him, and B beat the shit out of R. R's nose is broken, his face is swollen and messed up, and now hes in the hospital. B, took D's purse and now D has to go back to their house to try to get her purse back from B.
I'm really trying to stay out of this situation, but this should be the breaking point for D. She told me on the phone they're over, but I know how abusive relationships work and there is a good chance she'll go back to him. I'm hoping she doesn't, but if she does I don't know if I can continue to be friends with her, because I'm good friends with R and I think it's pretty messed up that she would go back to someone who did something like that, to someone we all know who is innocent. I don't want to tell her what to do, but if she asks me for advice, I don't know what to say. What do you guys think?No
(sorry for the long story)
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15-02-2016, 01:18 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(15-02-2016 01:07 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  So I have a coworker (22) that's in an abusive relationship, me and her have became pretty good friends and we share a lot of private stuff that's going on in our lives. She's been with her boyfriend for 3 years on and off, and he's psycho. He constantly thinks she's cheating because in her last relationship she was cheating on her ex with him. He calls her a slut, whore, bitch etc. He checks her vagina every day to make sure she's not sleeping with anyone else, he doesn't allow her to have friends or even hang out with them. He doesn't allow her to go anywhere without him, and he has all her social media passwords and phone password. He's in the past beat her really badly and she had to put a restraining order on him. He once sent her to jail over false allegations, and he threatens her. I've seen the text messages and heard the phone calls, and he's seriously psycho. Yesterday we had to work, and she posted a photo of me and her on facebook and he got mad because he said that the only reason why she posted it, was because she wanted my guy friends to hit me up about her.
He told her that he already "talked" to her about this, and that he hates her and resents her and she's made his life hell. His step father has a restraining order against him because he beat the shit out of him, and his mother is afraid of him because he's also beat the shit out of her.
Yesterday something really terrible happened though, they were arguing all day over text, we'll just call her boyfriend "B". So she decided to stay over a coworkers house who is also a friend and knows "B" because she used to date B's cousin. This coworker who used to date B's cousin, lives down the street from B, and my friend notified B that she would be spending the night there. Well, another one of our coworkers who is male, we'll call him "R", decided to tag along. Now my friend, we'll call her "D", has had this weird relationship with R, he used to kind of flirt with her and she would flirt back. But recently its died down a lot. Long story short, they were all over this coworkers house and I guess B came in last night and was screaming for D and asking where she was. He saw R was there and he was passed out on the couch. So R, came out the next morning and I guess B had been waiting for him, and B beat the shit out of R. R's nose is broken, his face is swollen and messed up, and now hes in the hospital. B, took D's purse and now D has to go back to their house to try to get her purse back from B.
I'm really trying to stay out of this situation, but this should be the breaking point for D. She told me on the phone they're over, but I know how abusive relationships work and there is a good chance she'll go back to him. I'm hoping she doesn't, but if she does I don't know if I can continue to be friends with her, because I'm good friends with R and I think it's pretty messed up that she would go back to someone who did something like that, to someone we all know who is innocent. I don't want to tell her what to do, but if she asks me for advice, I don't know what to say. What do you guys think?No
(sorry for the long story)

There is no question what she needs to do but I doubt she will:
  • Call the cops
  • Get a restraining order
  • Move out (or kick him out)
  • Surround herself with decent people
  • Get a gun because he won't stop.

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15-02-2016, 01:24 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Get her a .22, the next time he checks her vagina for seminal fluids aim for the temple, close-up and personal.

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15-02-2016, 01:24 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
They bought a gun together, but he won't give it to her, he's taking that too.
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15-02-2016, 01:26 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(15-02-2016 01:24 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  Get her a .22, the next time he checks her vagina for seminal fluids aim for the temple, close-up and personal.

I mean they own a gun together which makes me weary, because he's obviously really mentally unstable. And now he;s packed up all her stuff and won't tell her where it is.
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15-02-2016, 01:29 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
call 911. dafuq you thinking?

#sigh
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15-02-2016, 01:35 PM (This post was last modified: 15-02-2016 01:40 PM by Fatbaldhobbit.)
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Quoted for truth:
(15-02-2016 01:18 PM)Chas Wrote:  There is no question what she needs to do but I doubt she will:
  • Call the cops
  • Get a restraining order
  • Move out (or kick him out)
  • Surround herself with decent people
  • Get a gun because he won't stop.

The only thing I will add is this: Get to a domestic abuse shelter.
This is a job for professionals.

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15-02-2016, 02:12 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Advise her to call the cops. Find out where the domestic violence shelters are near you and give her the contact information. Also, maybe you could ask someone at a shelter to talk some sense into your friend.

She can ask the police to escort her to pick up her belongings, but her purse and her stuff ultimately aren't as important as her safety.

It sounds from your description as though her partner could be a danger to you as well, so I hope you are being careful. It doesn't sound as though this is going to end well.
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15-02-2016, 02:15 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(15-02-2016 02:12 PM)julep Wrote:  Advise her to call the cops. Find out where the domestic violence shelters are near you and give her the contact information. Also, maybe you could ask someone at a shelter to talk some sense into your friend.

She can ask the police to escort her to pick up her belongings, but her purse and her stuff ultimately aren't as important as her safety.

It sounds from your description as though her partner could be a danger to you as well, so I hope you are being careful. It doesn't sound as though this is going to end well.

Yeah, that's why I'm staying the fuck out of it as much as I can. I believe she will be staying at a friends house for awhile. The one that lives down the street from him, not a good idea at all.
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15-02-2016, 02:47 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(15-02-2016 02:15 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  
(15-02-2016 02:12 PM)julep Wrote:  Advise her to call the cops. Find out where the domestic violence shelters are near you and give her the contact information. Also, maybe you could ask someone at a shelter to talk some sense into your friend.

She can ask the police to escort her to pick up her belongings, but her purse and her stuff ultimately aren't as important as her safety.

It sounds from your description as though her partner could be a danger to you as well, so I hope you are being careful. It doesn't sound as though this is going to end well.

Yeah, that's why I'm staying the fuck out of it as much as I can. I believe she will be staying at a friends house for awhile. The one that lives down the street from him, not a good idea at all.

This is no way for your friend to spend her 20's....having every aspect of her life completely controlled by an insane person. That's not living. Call a domestic abuse center.

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Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
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Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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