My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
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16-02-2016, 02:22 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(16-02-2016 02:02 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(16-02-2016 01:25 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  Yeah and I guess last night he came over, and was crying and saying how he always tried to be the best boyfriend for her and that she cheated, even though she's saying she didnt. He still refuses to give her stuff back. And now he also went into the persons house that R and D were hanging out at, the night that R was attacked, and he took this persons car keys, broke into their car, and stole her bagpack with all her money and valuables

....."he always tried to be the best boyfriend for her"...? If that's the best he can do I'd hate to see when he's NOT trying to be the best boyfriend.

This girl needs to get into counseling...and quick!

Others have mentioned this as well but she needs to figure this out herself. If someone is forcing her into counseling when she doesn't think she needs it then it's useless. If you hear her making excuses for his behavior or trying to explain it away then she's a lost cause.

Yeah yesterday she called me and said she felt bad because B isn't gonna be able to afford the house alone and he's gonna lose it. Ugh.
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16-02-2016, 10:54 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Call the cops yourself? The man needs to be locked up.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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16-02-2016, 11:41 PM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(16-02-2016 10:54 PM)morondog Wrote:  Call the cops yourself? The man needs to be locked up.

I feel like if I call the cops myself, I'm getting way too involve . Plus she called the cops yesterday, and today it seemed like she understood how dangerous it was to be with him, but I just have a feeling she'll go back.
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17-02-2016, 04:01 AM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(16-02-2016 11:41 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  
(16-02-2016 10:54 PM)morondog Wrote:  Call the cops yourself? The man needs to be locked up.

I feel like if I call the cops myself, I'm getting way too involve . Plus she called the cops yesterday, and today it seemed like she understood how dangerous it was to be with him, but I just have a feeling she'll go back.

Undecided

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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17-02-2016, 04:42 AM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
(15-02-2016 01:18 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(15-02-2016 01:07 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  So I have a coworker (22) that's in an abusive relationship, me and her have became pretty good friends and we share a lot of private stuff that's going on in our lives. She's been with her boyfriend for 3 years on and off, and he's psycho. He constantly thinks she's cheating because in her last relationship she was cheating on her ex with him. He calls her a slut, whore, bitch etc. He checks her vagina every day to make sure she's not sleeping with anyone else, he doesn't allow her to have friends or even hang out with them. He doesn't allow her to go anywhere without him, and he has all her social media passwords and phone password. He's in the past beat her really badly and she had to put a restraining order on him. He once sent her to jail over false allegations, and he threatens her. I've seen the text messages and heard the phone calls, and he's seriously psycho. Yesterday we had to work, and she posted a photo of me and her on facebook and he got mad because he said that the only reason why she posted it, was because she wanted my guy friends to hit me up about her.
He told her that he already "talked" to her about this, and that he hates her and resents her and she's made his life hell. His step father has a restraining order against him because he beat the shit out of him, and his mother is afraid of him because he's also beat the shit out of her.
Yesterday something really terrible happened though, they were arguing all day over text, we'll just call her boyfriend "B". So she decided to stay over a coworkers house who is also a friend and knows "B" because she used to date B's cousin. This coworker who used to date B's cousin, lives down the street from B, and my friend notified B that she would be spending the night there. Well, another one of our coworkers who is male, we'll call him "R", decided to tag along. Now my friend, we'll call her "D", has had this weird relationship with R, he used to kind of flirt with her and she would flirt back. But recently its died down a lot. Long story short, they were all over this coworkers house and I guess B came in last night and was screaming for D and asking where she was. He saw R was there and he was passed out on the couch. So R, came out the next morning and I guess B had been waiting for him, and B beat the shit out of R. R's nose is broken, his face is swollen and messed up, and now hes in the hospital. B, took D's purse and now D has to go back to their house to try to get her purse back from B.
I'm really trying to stay out of this situation, but this should be the breaking point for D. She told me on the phone they're over, but I know how abusive relationships work and there is a good chance she'll go back to him. I'm hoping she doesn't, but if she does I don't know if I can continue to be friends with her, because I'm good friends with R and I think it's pretty messed up that she would go back to someone who did something like that, to someone we all know who is innocent. I don't want to tell her what to do, but if she asks me for advice, I don't know what to say. What do you guys think?No
(sorry for the long story)

There is no question what she needs to do but I doubt she will:
  • Call the cops
  • Get a restraining order
  • Move out (or kick him out)
  • Surround herself with decent people
  • Get a gun because he won't stop.

Yes, Chas is correct. There is nothing more to add.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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21-02-2016, 05:55 AM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Its when I read stuff like this that I wish there really was a hell. Make sure you protect yourself and for the time being ask her not to post pictures of you on social media. If the guy is as bad as you say and I have no reason to doubt you then perhaps you should consider arming yourself as chas suggests im not a fan of guns but it sounds like this guy is a killer waiting to happen and you don't wanna end up a statistic.
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21-02-2016, 10:50 AM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
She's got a choice. She can disappear by her own choice ... or he will disappear her.

She needs to report him for the theft of her property, too. She won't get the police to assist in recovering it without a report.

As for what you can do, nothing. Nurse's advice is most pertinent -- don't let this asshole around you at all, and anyone who brings him around makes themselves not welcome as well. That includes your friend the asshole's girlfriend. If she insists on bringing him around you, you should end that friendship. She won't act to protect herself, you've no reason to believe she would act to protect you if -- no, when -- he finally blows his last gasket.
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21-02-2016, 11:04 AM
RE: My friend is in a abusive relationship, and her partner is a danger to everyone?
Unfortunately there are some people who won't allow themselves to be helped. It isn't unusual in a domestic abuse situation. The cycle keeps repeating.

If you have done everything you can your next step is to protect yourself.

My daughter and her husband tried to help a friend of theirs that was in a relationship, and had a child, with a man who became quite controlling and violent. They did everything they could to help the friend and the child. Then the man turned his anger on them even threatening to kill my son-in-law. He saw that they were trying to help her escape so they became a threat to him...in his eyes.

Finally they heard me (and others) telling them that they had to step away for their safety and the safety of their child. They made a nearly complete break with the friend for a couple of years.

The abuser is now out of the picture and they are tentatively trying to rebuild the friendship. Unfortunately the fear is still there that he may show up again...now that they least expect it.

My younger daughter and her child were living with my daughter's best friend, her husband and kids. The marriage was rocky but not yet violent. Three weeks after my daughter and granddaughter moved out the husband shot and killed the best friend before turning the gun on himself. Their three year old was in the other room when it happened.

This kind of situation can turn really bad, really quickly. Don't let yourself be part of someone else's abusive relationship.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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