My hangover is enough of a reminder of last night.
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16-12-2012, 11:09 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
My guess is that you are unhappy with life at the moment and are finding excuses to permit change instead of just roughing it out and dealing with it like a man.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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16-12-2012, 11:10 PM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:18 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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16-12-2012, 11:10 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
With all due respect, you're focused on personal gain through sexual excitement; you're daydreaming about leaving your partner for a more fulfilling existence; you're pondering the possibility of betraying her and you express a blatant apathy toward the fact that she would not like you going behind her back to speak to us about these things.

Your love and respect is for yourself, not for your wife. Divorce is best for her sake, because she is with someone who is more concerned with himself than with her.

Personally, I'm disgusted. And that's coming from an equal-opportunity misanthrope with a crucified woman tattooed on his back.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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16-12-2012, 11:11 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 10:55 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 10:51 PM)Vosur Wrote:  Best advice ever. Yes
It would be good advice if I didnt' have women hitting on me.

I wasn't sure you were a goddam motherfucking pussy, but now I am. You're a goddam motherfucking pussy.. ... Fucking pussy.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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16-12-2012, 11:18 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
Just because the distaste for things hasn't been sudden doesn't make it any less. It really sounds like you're looking for a scapegoat for your frustrations.
If you cheat on your wife for pretty much any reason it makes you a fucking punk.
If your dissatisfaction became so much that you weren't willing to attempt counselling whether alone or in couples, then settle for divorce so you at least don't cheat. I hate punks and if I were kc I'd come to your house and smack you right now.
Chances are after divorce you'd feel refreshed And assume you'd made the right choice. You know until time passed and you felt just as shitty.
But if you're not willing to make the extra effort then get out now and safe your wife the time so she is still young enough to find another dude who will.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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16-12-2012, 11:20 PM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:18 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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16-12-2012, 11:20 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 10:58 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 10:52 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  What's your relationship outside of the bedroom? If that has become less fulfilling for either of you, then it'll effect your sex lives, too.

You need to be friends and partners to each other...and if that's not how it is, forget about the sex for now---the boredom in bed is a symptom of a larger problem. Work on that, without the hidden agenda of getting laid in the end.

I see your frustration but also echo the previous response of respecting your wife here on the boards. Best wishes, to both of you....
I get that last comment. I dont' want to hurt her feelings but there's only so many people I can talk to.

As for other aspects of our lives. I feel like I live in the realm of condescension. Half of my conversations with my wife it seems like are loaded with condescension. If I talk about buying a six pack I get a condescending remark like "Do you really need to stop for that". That's just one bad example but I feel like my whole like is like that some days. Those kinds of remarks where you grit your teeth and ignore only to be asked if she heard you. Ugghhhh...... I just wish we could rewind to 5 years ago. Things seemed so great when I was head over heels.


Yup. I've been there and can relate.

Look into brain chemistry...
http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

... in particular, stage three. 'Head-over-heels' was stage two.

You are fighting against evolution in trying to make it last forever.

Dom and others have managed it... Dom, where are you? You are needed here.

Also, read about Transactional Analysis.
When she is being condescending, she is being 'parent' to your 'child'. You need to get this across to her in an adult-adult conversation.

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16-12-2012, 11:21 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 11:08 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 11:03 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  Then start there---aside from mind-blowing sex, what was different about you then? About her? And what's changed, specifically...? Obviously, having a child did, and that admittedly puts a strain on things; it's a priority shift. Start with what has changed since 5 years ago...
Holy shit you're right. The difference is alcohol. I met my wife at a bar, fucked her on the hood of my car at a bar, got her prego after coming back from a bar, now she can't stand the smell of a margarita, no bueno!
It might make me feel a lil' sick, too. You said she doesn't have other interests, while you do...but maybe she's grown in other areas--like outgrowing the bar scene? How much would you say alcohol interferes with your relationship? Do you think you drink too much or too frequently? And no wonder you're so goddamned frustrated now, holding back your thoughts for two years....it won't fix itself, ya' know...and it won't be overnight. Y'all gotta' be invested in each other and the marriage for it to work.

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
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16-12-2012, 11:23 PM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:18 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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16-12-2012, 11:26 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 11:20 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 11:10 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  With all due respect, you're focused on personal gain through sexual excitement; you're daydreaming about leaving your partner for a more fulfilling existence; you're pondering the possibility of betraying her and you express a blatant apathy toward the fact that she would not like you going behind her back to speak to us about these things.

Your love and respect is for yourself, not for your wife. Divorce is best for her sake, because she is with someone who is more concerned with himself than with her.

Personally, I'm disgusted. And that's coming from an equal-opportunity misanthrope with a crucified woman tattooed on his back.
Tell me why I should continue in an unhappy existence instead of pursing my own. If I can't be provided some advice that might do something to make me happy then why should I bend over backwards to keep her happy? I'm disgusted with you. You're practically a male feminist that is taking her side because she is a woman and because she isn't internet savvy enough to have posted a similar topic. You have no idea what her position is but because you don't know you are assuming that she is the innocent victim of a husband who is having serious sexual desires. You obviously aren't experienced enough in love or relationsihps for me to consider your opinion. If your goal was to piss me off then congrats you have have succeeded.

While it wasn't my goal, I can't say I'm disheartened that I've pissed you off. Wink

Anyway, it's quite the contrary, my friend. I have far too much experience with love and relationships. And what I know about love is that it is selfless. It places the object of its affection ahead of itself. Love would happily gnaw off its own leg if it meant sparing its partner even the slightest ounce of pain. Love becomes sickened by the idea of betraying the love of its significant other.

You're correct, I don't know her side of the argument, and for all I know, she's already getting plowed by your best friend. Rest assured, if that were the case, I would be aiming my disapproval at her, just as I am at you. However, I do not take one side over the other. It doesn't matter if I'm reprimanding you or her; I do not and will not approve of the betrayal of another by their partner. She could be the most vile, self-serving cunt on the planet, and I'd still defend her against an act of betrayal. That's called being objective.

Objectivity and decency disgust you? I can't honestly say that I'm surprised. You've shown yourself to be nothing but self-serving and self-righteous thus far. It would be foolish to expect you to change your routine.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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