My hangover is enough of a reminder of last night.
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17-12-2012, 12:05 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:20 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

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17-12-2012, 12:09 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:21 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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17-12-2012, 12:12 AM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 11:58 PM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 11:51 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  Please note: if there's an emotional disconnect, all the hot massages in the world will not put her in the mood....
Why is that automatically my fault? Because I made a thread about it? Because I wanted a beer?
sweet jeezus, who said anything about fault? I wasn't suggesting you created the emotional disconnect, just saying that if there is one, the sex ain't gon' be good. Gotta' fix the tingly feelings inside before you can think about the tingly feelings outside....Ya' know, we don't know each other from the man-in-the-moon, but I really was earnestly trying to be helpful to you. You came to us for a reason, right? Try to absorb everyone's thoughts before allowing your emotions free reign here. Peace, man...it'll be a'right.

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17-12-2012, 12:13 AM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(17-12-2012 12:09 AM)germanyt Wrote:  Fact is that if you aren't in my situation or have been in my situation then you have no idea what you are talking about.


Then I guess it's a good fucking thing I've been in a similar situation. But because I oppose your bullshit, you assume that I must not be able to relate.

Once again, only thinking inside of yourself. Well done.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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17-12-2012, 12:21 AM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(17-12-2012 12:05 AM)germanyt Wrote:  
(16-12-2012 11:56 PM)lucradis Wrote:  You definitely sound like you're looking for a way out instead of a way to fix the problems.
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work. And as with anything in life the more you work at it the better it gets. It's like getting a puppy (which you were just talking about getting, definitely a spur of the moment mood guy),if you aren't prepared to do the work and take on the responsibility of the puppy, and don't get the puppy. But if you are and you spend the time to take care of and nurture that puppy it will pay you back in spades.

If you don't feel like maintaining the relationship then tell your wife and get out now. Because that feeling will destroy any further attempt at reconciling the relationship. You'll be the best sabatour that ever existed.

But think about the negatives that could happen and not just the positives. Think about how it would feel to end up without her there every morning nagging you.
Either way you owe her the absolute truth, and to hear her full side of the argument without interruption.
I decided against the puppy based on costs. I don't want to have to give it up if my landlord finds it and realizes we haven't paid the deposit. I dont' want her to get out now. I want to grow old in a 60 year marriage. I want my wife to be the woman she was. Or at least some variant. Some slightest shred of who she was. Because she is nothing at all like the woman I married. The woman I married like to go out an dance. She like to wake up at 6 am and have sex. She liked to hang out at the casino wishing me luck while I played roulette. She liked to cut the onions while I seasoned the chicken. Nothing is the same. But I could overlook all of that if our sex life has the slightest shred of excitement.

I won't go into extreme detail but there are things that used to happen all the time that don't happen anymore, at all. AT ALL!!!!!

Meanwhile I'm begging to do things that haven't happened and I get "I don't like it", etc, etc, etc,
Ever try slipping a note in her purse, maybe something like, "remember when you used to cut the onions while I seasoned the chicken?"...with a heart, and a winky face...something to get her thinking about those times, when she's not necessarily in front of you.

You said you held your feelings back for a long time...maybe she has, too....

What would get you two effectively communicating?

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17-12-2012, 12:24 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:21 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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17-12-2012, 12:25 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:21 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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17-12-2012, 12:37 AM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(17-12-2012 12:24 AM)germanyt Wrote:  
(17-12-2012 12:12 AM)Percepticon Wrote:  sweet jeezus, who said anything about fault? I wasn't suggesting you created the emotional disconnect, just saying that if there is one, the sex ain't gon' be good. Gotta' fix the tingly feelings inside before you can think about the tingly feelings outside....Ya' know, we don't know each other from the man-in-the-moon, but I really was earnestly trying to be helpful to you. You came to us for a reason, right? Try to absorb everyone's thoughts before allowing your emotions free reign here. Peace, man...it'll be a'right.
I just don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty much the same person I was 6 years ago. I love to lift, to dance, to sing, to write, etc. I havent' changed much. I love my daughter more than life itself (she does too). She seems to have gone through a personality or hormonal flip flop.

I'm willing to go through some kind of counseling but how do I approach the topic and if it doesn't work how do I go through a divorce with my daughter. I've had this discussion with my aunt before. Because I live in La my wife will automatically get custody of my daughter. I can't let that happen. And I'm serious about that. Like SERIOUS serious. I can't live without her.
OK, in a peacetime moment, when she seems receptive, casually mention to her that you're not the same (as a couple) as you used to be. Tell her what you miss; ask her if she misses anything. *Be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear* And react calmly. Ask her if she's open to talking to you more often about her feelings; maybe a monthly date night. Try that first; if it doesn't work, ask if she'll go to counseling with you. If not, take *yourself* to counseling. Listen, even if it's true that she's changed & you haven't, her perception may be different and you have to be willing to acknowledge that perception in counseling...and it's a good idea to be open to the fact that you might have changed in ways only an outsider would notice.

Try not to think of the logistics of divorce just yet...you're ahead of yourself & you'll give yourself ulcers.

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17-12-2012, 12:59 AM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 09:59 PM)germanyt Wrote:  I'm boycotting my wife's vagina right now because I'm sick and fucking tired of the terrible sex life we have. For as long as I can remember now it's been either a quickie in the shower after the gym or the occasional sneak off to the bathroom to fuck when my daughter is watching cartoons. When we do manage to have sex in bed it's missionary and never includes any foreplay. Tonight was the 2nd night in a week that we've argued over it.

I'll go into detail for the sake of getting the effect right.

I was just about to go take a shower. I told her she better come with me if she wanted her pussy eaten. She's all like "I took a shower this morning". I'm thinking WTF. If I had taken 10 showers today and she told me I needed another to get my dick sucked I'd be lathered already. So I decided not to take one until the morning. She questions why I'm not taking one. I tell her that I don't feel like it anymore. Then she tells me that if I want sex we better go to bed right now. I try politely to decline and she says 'well don't get mad when you want it and I don't want to'. So I proceed to bitch about how we always do it her way. That I can't remember the last time we did anything the way I want to do it. Blah, blah, blah argument, she goes to bed and closes the door.


I don't know what to do. It's gotten so boring that I've imagined what my new life would be like if we got divorced. I dont' really want to cheat on my wife but I need some sort of exictment in my life. I need for my wife to crawl under the sheets every once in a while and give me a blowjob. I need for her to grab my dick in public and tell me to take her to the bathroom to fuck her brains out. I just don't have that like I used to. 5 years ago we fucked on the hood of my car in the parking lot of the bar we met at. Now I can't even see her naked unless it's time for same ole missionary.

I guess my question is what should I do and at what point am I justified in finding some strange?

I think this is a subject more for a professional marriage counsellor who can deal with this stuff effectively, dude. I imagine making a post on this board about is going to anger and alienate your wife even more.

That being said, you really sound aggressive and pushy about getting laid and there may be a source of friction there. Have you ever just talked to her calmly about this? Asked her why she's not been interested in sex lately? She could have a number of stressors in her life that. Also the comments about joining you in the shower for oral sex really sound demanding and in definitely not a turn on. Ever try to pee when someone's standing over you demanding that you do it NOW? It's the same thing here.

Sounds like 1) stop pushing this because you're likely to make it worse and 2) set aside some time for the two just to relax and do something romantic with no other worries or concerns. With a little luck and no rushing, hormones and lust, mixed with a little alcohol, should take over, resulting in two naked, perfectly content people, their problems washed away by several exceptional, intense orgasms.

Just my 2 cents. I talk about tittle fucking on this board so what the hell do I know about romance. Hey, but if it helps....

"IN THRUST WE TRUST"

"We were conservative Jews and that meant we obeyed God's Commandments until His rules became a royal pain in the ass."

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17-12-2012, 01:17 AM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 06:22 PM by germanyt.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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