My hangover is enough of a reminder of last night.
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17-12-2012, 12:27 PM (This post was last modified: 17-12-2012 12:30 PM by legendoflink.)
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
I was told to calm down with the sexual comments, so let me try and abide by that, but also try and understand.

Did you guys have crazy, mind-blowing sex in the past?

Tease her a bit in the car, in the kitchen, everywhere. Buy tons of erotic smelling candles and insense (smells really work for some people), teasing is really a good thing to do. But honestly, you do seem a bit crazy about just the sex. Doesn't sound like there is a lot of love.. just lust.
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17-12-2012, 12:44 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
Dude. Seriously.

Call me.

We need to talk.

I get off work around 5:30. Call me about 5:45.

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17-12-2012, 01:21 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
As the husband of an alcoholic (and trust me when I say, I was right there beside her when she hit rock bottom), let me share one of my truths....

The less you think drinking is affecting your relationship, the more it actually is. Fact is, you'll fix the drinking when you decide to fix the drinking. But if you do it for her, or for your relationship, you WILL fail. Harsh words, I know. But I'd rather you hate me and plant the seed of truth in your mind.

Stop drinking. Do it on your own. She can't help. I can't help. We can't help. All any of us can do is support. Then, and only then, do you stand even the remotest chance of healing your relationship.

BTW, how was the ten o'clock?

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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17-12-2012, 04:19 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
Ok, if I may.

About Alcohol:
I agree with HoC. I think it is
the alcohol, and I thought so after a few pages reading this, before
people started reacting to that statement with the sixpack etc.
You know you are addicted, so admitting and realizing that there is a problem is the first important step.
I
do understand your wife being condecending and probably bitchy, not very
horny most of the times. Alcohol doesn't really turn on, and she knows
that you have that problem 100%.
Now let me just try to give you an
idea of what *might* be going on in her head, because what is going on
with her is just as important as what is going on with you.
So you just want a sixpack.
Her
thought probably "how many sixpacks did he have today already? How many
this week? this month? it's not healthy, it's expensive, it makes him
smelly, the child sees and smells that too... this is a bad environment"
So you wanna pick up the little one from daycare early
Her thought probably: "I hope he did not have a beer, yet. I hope he comes straight home and doesn't stop somewhere...."
So you wanna eat pussy in the shower
Her
thought probably "Is he just horny because he is stoned? Why do I need
to do this now, I have so much stuff to do? Did he even ask me if I want
to? Did he even ask me anything apart from sex today? When did we talk
about stuff last time?"

>And no, I am not talking out of my ass here, man.
I
grew up between people who needed their alcohol. My father used to (or
still does) drink, my mother divorced and tried to keep him in my life, I
broke all contact to him 15 years ago. My grand dad used to (or still
does) drink, I stopped all contact 7 years ago. I dated a druggy in the
past, I stopped because it was hurting and he was unable to stop or even
scale it down a bit. My final teenage years I lived in a part of Munich for poor people, in a block full of drinkers or other wise drug addicted people; and very very few actually working "normal" folks.
I am now married to the best man I could
imagine for me. He wants a beer or more once a week, when we meet the
neighbours or so and I never say anything against it, why would I, it is
not an addiction. I brought it up only once during the 3 years we live together. And that was when he was getting ridiculously childish and loud, and I told him openly, in the situation that he can not have more beer today.

About the sex in general:
I
am sorry that you get upset about the statements that perception made
but he is right. Noone is putting blame on anyone but if you do not
consider, at all, what's going on with your wife, nothing will change.
So
the low sex is most likely a symptom of a mountain of other problems
that need fixing before the bed will be attractive again. Woman, talking from experience as I am one, don't feel very sexy when a thousand other things are on their mind, and especially when most of those things are worries. It is very very likely that she worries a lot and that is why the sex rate went down in the house.
Please consider the following:
Since the kid is there, there is more cleaning to do, more shopping, more caring, more worrying.
Then you have the alcohol problem which is 100% a red button and she might be afraid to talk to you about it.
Then you have your hobbies but she probably doesn't because she has work and kid and household and worries about you.

You ask how to approach it with her?
I have an idea, take a moment to consider:

Have her take a day off work, and you take the same day off. Make sure that the kid is in daycare that day.
Start
the day without any stress, make her a nice breakfast, bring the kid to
daycare, and tell her to prepare some coffee/tea for when you come back
(or the other way around).
And then ask her if she is open to talk a
bit, because you feel there is need to talk about a few things. Say it
calmly, have a list in mind about the things you would like to talk
about. Do not say it in a voice that puts blame, offense or defense on
anyone. It is a yes or no question.
Most likely, as she has nothing else that day, because she took the day off and the kid is not in the house, she will say "yes". If she does not say yes, ask her why not, and there we go, the conversation started anyway.
And
then start with whatever you wanna talk about. Do not start with the
sex.
Have the sex talk in the end if she doesn't bring it up first. Otherwise the whole day might end up in her being annoyed because "men always only think about this one thing"
Try
and don't feel offended when she talks openly, do not "punch back"
when she hits you hard with words but consider that she feels safe
enough to voice her concerns and have in mind that when she says
something, that she doesn't do it with the agenda to hurt you.
Most
likely she is worried about something and she should get the opportunity
to talk things through with you, calmly, without a fight.
And of course you get to say all the things you want to discuss, too.
For
example tell her openly that you know you are having a problem with
alcohol and that you are going to AA meetings. This alone will make
things easier! You know why? Because probably you did not admit this
openly before, probably she was afraid to bring it up and in that moment
it is just out in the open, no fight, nothing. You put it on the table,
even if you talked about it before. And you tell her you need help with
this, also help from her.
And be open about your feelings, about what things you are missing in the relationship and be open about everything she says.

I
know I repeat myself at this point, but be open. Really open. Expect to
have a very honest conversation, but take that day off to really talk
things through.

And believe me, talking from experience here, it
is not just tough, it is actually mentally very exhausting. But doing
this once and probably if needed, twice, will help you guys A LOT.
And the sex might just solve itself - not instantly but it will.

And yes, call KC Smile

cheers

EDIT: sorry for weird formats, that editor is really annoying

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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17-12-2012, 04:46 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(16-12-2012 09:59 PM)germanyt Wrote:  I'm boycotting my wife's vagina right now because I'm sick and fucking tired of the terrible sex life we have. For as long as I can remember now it's been either a quickie in the shower after the gym or the occasional sneak off to the bathroom to fuck when my daughter is watching cartoons. When we do manage to have sex in bed it's missionary and never includes any foreplay. Tonight was the 2nd night in a week that we've argued over it.

I'll go into detail for the sake of getting the effect right.

I was just about to go take a shower. I told her she better come with me if she wanted her pussy eaten. She's all like "I took a shower this morning". I'm thinking WTF. If I had taken 10 showers today and she told me I needed another to get my dick sucked I'd be lathered already. So I decided not to take one until the morning. She questions why I'm not taking one. I tell her that I don't feel like it anymore. Then she tells me that if I want sex we better go to bed right now. I try politely to decline and she says 'well don't get mad when you want it and I don't want to'. So I proceed to bitch about how we always do it her way. That I can't remember the last time we did anything the way I want to do it. Blah, blah, blah argument, she goes to bed and closes the door.


I don't know what to do. It's gotten so boring that I've imagined what my new life would be like if we got divorced. I dont' really want to cheat on my wife but I need some sort of exictment in my life. I need for my wife to crawl under the sheets every once in a while and give me a blowjob. I need for her to grab my dick in public and tell me to take her to the bathroom to fuck her brains out. I just don't have that like I used to. 5 years ago we fucked on the hood of my car in the parking lot of the bar we met at. Now I can't even see her naked unless it's time for same ole missionary.

I guess my question is what should I do and at what point am I justified in finding some strange?
Tim....ok. Soooo I was super hesitant to post 1. because I know you both and 2. I'm about to publicize me and KC's sex life ha!
(it's cool, he gave me the clear)


But who cares..Christians can bone too people! In fact we can be freakier than most! Ha!

On to the point....

I 100% get what you're saying. Unfortunately part of the negative side of marriage is the constant work it takes to keep things exciting. It can get old. I'll be the first to admit that. I think it's awesome you don't want to divorce your wife...you just want her the way she used to be. I am validating you lol.

Have you been open and 100% honest about how you feel in terms of all this to her? Obviously I read that you threw out hints that things aren't what they used to be. Have you sat her down and really laid it all out there?

Yes, I'm also a Christian.
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17-12-2012, 04:54 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
Have ya ever done it in a place that there is a high probability you will get caught. I heard that will make things very exciting. Drinking Beverage

Also, I know it's probably not right for me to comment, but I just want to say that if you aren't happy, then try to work together on this, not bust her chops because she isn't getting you off.

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17-12-2012, 05:13 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
Leela,
I don't know why but I thought Perception was a female. That is my thoughtful response to your lengthy post Blush

QC,
I'm sorry, but there is no way Christians get as freaky as godless sodomites in the sack. It ain't gonna' happen. If your willing to concede that you'd be willing to invite another woman into the bedroom for your and KC's enjoyment with ropes and chains and blindfolds without feeling guilty then I will retract my statement. Until then, nope. Non-believers FTW! Big Grin

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17-12-2012, 05:16 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
If we're gonna get technical, I'm pretty sure her nickname is percepticon. And I'm the newest of you lot.

Good luck, germanyt. Though it's gonna take work, not luck.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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17-12-2012, 05:16 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(17-12-2012 05:13 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  Leela,
I don't know why but I thought Perception was a female. That is my thoughtful response to your lengthy post Blush

QC,
I'm sorry, but there is no way Christians get as freaky as godless sodomites in the sack. It ain't gonna' happen. If your willing to concede that you'd be willing to invite another woman into the bedroom for your and KC's enjoyment with ropes and chains and blindfolds without feeling guilty then I will retract my statement. Until then, nope. Non-believers FTW! Big Grin
And pictures, too. Yes

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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17-12-2012, 05:23 PM
RE: My sex life has become a total bore.
(17-12-2012 05:16 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(17-12-2012 05:13 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  Leela,
I don't know why but I thought Perception was a female. That is my thoughtful response to your lengthy post Blush

QC,
I'm sorry, but there is no way Christians get as freaky as godless sodomites in the sack. It ain't gonna' happen. If your willing to concede that you'd be willing to invite another woman into the bedroom for your and KC's enjoyment with ropes and chains and blindfolds without feeling guilty then I will retract my statement. Until then, nope. Non-believers FTW! Big Grin
And pictures, too. Yes
Heh, figured those comments would be made. It's all good.


Waiting on you Timothy!

Better yet, we all need to hang out soon. Haven't hung out with you guys in a while.

Yes, I'm also a Christian.
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