My husband found Jesus
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15-05-2017, 10:05 AM (This post was last modified: 15-05-2017 11:35 AM by kim.)
RE: My husband found Jesus
(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  ---
--- I'm at the end of my rope.
---
--- I became very depressed and started cutting myself.

Be ever mindful - your well-being is rooted in reality. If you try to live contrary to reality, your subconscious won't stand for it and will begin to attack yourself. (This is essentially proof that you can not live a lie.) This is NOT a situation you ever want to go back to. Hug

(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  --- He says he loves me second and that he loves Jesus first.


So, you get to be third priority in your "life-partner's" life - the order is him then, Jesus then, you.

This is your cue to prioritize: #1. YOU. There is no more #2 in your life. That person has begun downsizing you.

(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  --- All of that was me, not Jesus!
---
--- he failed his chemistry class because he didn't study and instead of saying he needs to study harder he claimed that he didn't do well because God doesn't care about chemistry.
Again, he is prioritizing...
He is separating reality and fantasy and making his choice. He is choosing fantasy. This is disturbing behavior. Do not follow him further into his fantasy.
************

In light of his increasing inability to distinguish reality from fantasy, I am going to suggest strong measures.

The following may shock you and you will not want know it. However it needs to be in writing for you to read and understand as a purely objective view...


(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  --- I love my husband. I don't want to get a divorce, I just want the real him back.

This is not going to happen without him and it is entirely up to him. He has made it increasingly clear that you will not be part of his future.

Prioritize:
1. You need to concentrate on YOU.
2. Go immediately to a lawyer. Because of his behavior, you may be instructed to file a restraining order on your husband. Do it.
3. Go to your company's HR and advise them your husband will soon be served with divorce papers and has exhibited erratic behavior. They will be able to ensure he can't make contact with you on workplace property.
4. Remove all of his access to your bank accounts accounts and money flow accounts. Change all passwords on electronics. Block all texts/calls/emails from him on your phone & computer. ASAP, get new phone number/email addresses.
5. While he is out of the home, gather your personal things and deposit them in a storage facility, unless you have a friend with a basement or garage to put them temporarily.
6. Throughout this process, cut him off from your life completely and do not attempt to have any contact with him.
This will be painful enough so, don't worry about being tempted about going back to cutting yourself.
This is going to be extremely difficult.
I want to be wrong about this but I do not think I am.
Hug

You have friends here and I'm certain you will find support around you to help you through this.

Heart

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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15-05-2017, 10:38 AM
RE: My husband found Jesus
(15-05-2017 09:43 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  He says he loves me second and that he loves Jesus first.
This says it all really.

If he won't pick a real physical person in front of him, and instead chooses a fictional deity, the man needs mental assistance.
This mind set puts him on the catagory of:
So heavenly minded, he's no earthly good.

Fortunately for me I was agreeable to give a serious (as an adult) try at the Jesus thing. I even started a bible study with the premise don't come if you don't want to pursue the hard questions.
Actually the group started out pretty well attended but settled into a three couple study.
The Jesus or God magic just has never clicked for me .
Thank GOD! LOL

You have to be odd to be #1.
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15-05-2017, 10:52 AM
RE: My husband found Jesus
(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  If I try to say, "God helps those who help themselves," he says that since I don't believe in God, I don't know what God will do. Then I remind him that I was raised in a Christian home, that I went to church every Sunday when I was younger, and in high school I attended seminary every day before school. On top of all of that, I also went to a university where bible studies were required for graduation. I know the bible very well, I studied it at the college level! He then responds that I was mormon and that mormons aren't Christians and that they don't believe in the bible so I can't know anything about it, all of which is untrue.

Well from the point of view of protestants, Mormons are not Christians any more than Muslims are because they believe in a prophet that came after Jesus. Which is a heresy to protestant Christians.

My point being just that Christianity is a very broad religion, represented by thousands of different churches. Your husband is new to it, so in time he'll work out what kind of Christian he wants to be.

Anyway, back to your predicament. I'd suggest you'll want to wait and see how he settles into it, hopefully it can be done amicably. I guess the more important immediate thing is that you let him know that it's not okay for him to take you for granted, that you haven't felt appreciated, and that he needs to put more effort into the marriage - as a marriage is a partnership between two people. And yes, it's not okay for him to blame God for failure - ask him if Jesus or the disciples ever blamed God for their failures?? Smile

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15-05-2017, 12:32 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
(15-05-2017 10:52 AM)Aractus Wrote:  Well from the point of view of protestants, Mormons are not Christians any more than Muslims are because they believe in a prophet that came after Jesus. Which is a heresy to protestant Christians.

You made that up. Show me the "Christian Doctrine", (in all the protestant sects) that says that ?

Quote:My point being just that Christianity is a very broad religion, represented by thousands of different churches.

Facepalm That's the OPPOSITE of the point you tried to make.

As far as "finding Jesus goes" ... bastard. He told us he was going on vacation. Big Grin

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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15-05-2017, 12:48 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  The thing that really makes this difficult is that this church is all Japanese, it's the one place he can go in the city where we live to be surrounded by his native language and culture. I've tried to find other Japanese groups in town, but this church seems to be the only one.

Would you consider moving back to Japan when he's done with his studies?
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15-05-2017, 12:53 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
I don't think you should get divorced. If you don't want to go to church just don't go. Spouses are always full of shit. He says Jesus is putting him through college. I pay our phone bill and last night my wife was yelling at me for using her data. When I tried to say it's our data she refused to acknowledge that. You might think since I pay for everything phone related I could even make the case that it's my data but she want even go so far as to allow me to call it "our" data. Whatever. When it gets like that just don't listen. If you get divorced it'll be a big hassle and the next person will suck too.
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15-05-2017, 12:54 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
Thank you all for your replies. It's nice to have support. Most people who I could turn to think I'm the one with a problem because I don't believe in God.

I will try to have a talk with him again. As I stated, I don't intend to get divorced. When I got married I made a vow to love and support my husband no matter what, and though there is no God to hold me accountable to those vows, I still feel a promise is a promise. My husband is a good person, but he's fallen in with a bad crowd.
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15-05-2017, 12:59 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
(15-05-2017 12:48 PM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  
(14-05-2017 02:12 PM)Miyazaki Wrote:  The thing that really makes this difficult is that this church is all Japanese, it's the one place he can go in the city where we live to be surrounded by his native language and culture. I've tried to find other Japanese groups in town, but this church seems to be the only one.

Would you consider moving back to Japan when he's done with his studies?

Yes, that's actually the plan. I think the stress of living in a foreign country is what led him down this path. We went back to Japan to visit last summer and he almost turned completely back into his old self while we were there. I think part of the issue is that he now relies on me for so much he's lost his autonomy. Moving to a new country is very difficult, it took me a while to acclimate to life in Japan too. Maybe this religious thing is his way to taking a bit of control in his life or at least having something for himself.
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15-05-2017, 01:37 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
American religionists of all stripes are best in the world (as far as I've seen) of exploiting any emotional weakness in the people they "save". You have a tough, uphill battle, but I respect you for wanting to fight it.

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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15-05-2017, 01:47 PM
RE: My husband found Jesus
The problem if you do stop supporting him is the church will use that against you, i.e. "look how evil atheists are, she shunned you!" Even though it's bullshit and Jesus didn't do jack shit for him, because people that are in that crazy mindset won't see logic.
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