My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
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09-09-2015, 10:57 AM
My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Hi, I am new into this. Also, English is not my first language, so I'll excuse me for any grammatical horror. Feel free to correct me, that way I'll improve my writing English skills.

I met my husband five years ago. I was a third-year college student majoring in Biology. My husband was starting a PhD in Chemistry. He was my lab instructor during my second year. But at the time, both had relationships, and we basically didn't notice each other.

We started dating, fell deeply in love. Nothing else mattered. Always having sex, eating breakfast late, looking at each other too much, and all those things that happen during a newborn relationship.

Since the beginning of our relationship he manifested his christianity, and I was like whatever. I mean, I wasn't a believer nor a non-believer. I just didn't care. Though, I had my suspicions about religion. But I was more interested in getting good grades and finding love.

Five years later, now, I have grown more. I have studied philosophy, science, psychology and humanities, and I have gained more scientific knowledge about the world. I am more confident in my religious views, and had manifested my dislike of religion to my family, including my husband. It all started back in June when The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Country arrive to our country. I have never heard such thing ever. And I was readily amused by it. I declared publicly (through Facebook) that I was a member of The Church of FSM. Then I read Sacred Cows, Deconverted, Dawkins, did research on the subject, and found myself more and more confident of my decision.

But as Seth Andrews says, it's a hard-isolated path. Specially in Puerto Rico. This island is full of christians, everywhere.

My husband and I don't speak about it. Every time the subject gets into the conversation, we end of fighting. He just says things like "I can believe you think that Jesus crucifixion is too violent for children", or "You are on your search of God, I was like you, this is just a stage of life, everybody goes through it", "You don't know him", "He gives me peace", etcetera.

The most difficult situation so far was when I told him I wanted to hang on the wall a picture of FSM. HE went mad. Crazy. To the point that he took off all his christian symbols from the walls in order to avoid me from hanging FSM stuff. I didn't had a problem with christian symbols in our house, as long as he could respect my symbols.

But, overall, our house is now a secular environment. Though, there ir resentment. I can sense it.

And I have come to this community for advice and help.

I believe that religious views are a huge part of people identities. And my identity is defined by my secular notion of the world. My husband, even if he is a physical-chemist, is very much defined by his christianity. Actually, christianity for him is more like a meditation. He tries to rationalize it a lot, to prove I am wrong, and say that he doesn't believe literally in the Bible, but that he does believe in God, and that he can sense it, la la bla.

And I fear if we could ever be married forever with this difference.
I love him. If religion is taken out of the equation, he is perfect. And I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to accept religion.

Have any of you gone through this?
What do you think?
Is it possible to stay in love when one wants to follow a secular life and the other won't?
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09-09-2015, 12:02 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome to TTA.

Yes, there are many here going through the same situation. At least there will be sympathy and sharing and advice ... if perhaps no definitive solution.

(09-09-2015 10:57 AM)Pinawts Wrote:  ...
Also, English is not my first language,
...

And I have come to this community for advice and help.
...

In return, can we send people to you for English lessons?

Unsure

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09-09-2015, 12:09 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome! As DLJ said, I am sure you will find support here. Smile

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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09-09-2015, 01:03 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(09-09-2015 10:57 AM)Pinawts Wrote:  Hi, I am new into this. Also, English is not my first language, so I'll excuse me for any grammatical horror. Feel free to correct me, that way I'll improve my writing English skills.

I met my husband five years ago. I was a third-year college student majoring in Biology. My husband was starting a PhD in Chemistry. He was my lab instructor during my second year. But at the time, both had relationships, and we basically didn't notice each other.

We started dating, fell deeply in love. Nothing else mattered. Always having sex, eating breakfast late, looking at each other too much, and all those things that happen during a newborn relationship.

Since the beginning of our relationship he manifested his christianity, and I was like whatever. I mean, I wasn't a believer nor a non-believer. I just didn't care. Though, I had my suspicions about religion. But I was more interested in getting good grades and finding love.

Five years later, now, I have grown more. I have studied philosophy, science, psychology and humanities, and I have gained more scientific knowledge about the world. I am more confident in my religious views, and had manifested my dislike of religion to my family, including my husband. It all started back in June when The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Country arrive to our country. I have never heard such thing ever. And I was readily amused by it. I declared publicly (through Facebook) that I was a member of The Church of FSM. Then I read Sacred Cows, Deconverted, Dawkins, did research on the subject, and found myself more and more confident of my decision.

But as Seth Andrews says, it's a hard-isolated path. Specially in Puerto Rico. This island is full of christians, everywhere.

My husband and I don't speak about it. Every time the subject gets into the conversation, we end of fighting. He just says things like "I can believe you think that Jesus crucifixion is too violent for children", or "You are on your search of God, I was like you, this is just a stage of life, everybody goes through it", "You don't know him", "He gives me peace", etcetera.

The most difficult situation so far was when I told him I wanted to hang on the wall a picture of FSM. HE went mad. Crazy. To the point that he took off all his christian symbols from the walls in order to avoid me from hanging FSM stuff. I didn't had a problem with christian symbols in our house, as long as he could respect my symbols.

But, overall, our house is now a secular environment. Though, there ir resentment. I can sense it.

And I have come to this community for advice and help.

I believe that religious views are a huge part of people identities. And my identity is defined by my secular notion of the world. My husband, even if he is a physical-chemist, is very much defined by his christianity. Actually, christianity for him is more like a meditation. He tries to rationalize it a lot, to prove I am wrong, and say that he doesn't believe literally in the Bible, but that he does believe in God, and that he can sense it, la la bla.

And I fear if we could ever be married forever with this difference.
I love him. If religion is taken out of the equation, he is perfect. And I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to accept religion.

Have any of you gone through this?
What do you think?
Is it possible to stay in love when one wants to follow a secular life and the other won't?

The FSM is typically a symbol to mock religion, so I'm curious as to why you wanted to put a picture of it on your wall, particularly when your husband is religious? Do you despise or resent your husbands religious beliefs? If so why?

"Tell me, muse, of the storyteller who has been thrust to the edge of the world, both an infant and an ancient, and through him reveal everyman." ---Homer the aged poet.

"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
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09-09-2015, 01:04 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome.

If you're this eloquent in English - you should be able to talk your husband (or damned near anyone else) in your native tongue into believing most anything at all -- including Pastafarianism....


Big Grin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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09-09-2015, 02:01 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome to TTA!

Aside from the snide remark above, we're all fairly friendly here. Many of the members are going through the same situation as you are - married to a believer and facing stress in their marriages. Please read through a few of the other threads in this section to get a taste of some of the advice already offered. Then we'll be more than happy to help you a much as we can.

Smile

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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09-09-2015, 02:32 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(09-09-2015 12:02 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(09-09-2015 10:57 AM)Pinawts Wrote:  Also, English is not my first language,

In return, can we send people to you for English lessons?

No just No

#sigh
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09-09-2015, 02:39 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(09-09-2015 02:01 PM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  Welcome to TTA!

Aside from the snide remark above, we're all fairly friendly here. Many of the members are going through the same situation as you are - married to a believer and facing stress in their marriages. Please read through a few of the other threads in this section to get a taste of some of the advice already offered. Then we'll be more than happy to help you a much as we can.

Smile

I genuinely am impressed that anyone's second language is so eloquent. The bit about Pastafarianism is a nod to her embracing FSM. I own and have read the Gospel of FSM and it was a friendly nod, not meant to be snide in the least....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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09-09-2015, 02:43 PM (This post was last modified: 09-09-2015 02:48 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(09-09-2015 10:57 AM)Pinawts Wrote:  Have any of you gone through this?
What do you think?
Is it possible to stay in love when one wants to follow a secular life and the other won't?

Been married to a good Catholic girl going on 30 years now. Everyone knew I was an atheist, the Church, the Bishop, the Priest, her family and friends, my family and friends. It's never been a big deal to us. All of those religious family and friends who objected and said it would never last are now divorced. Fuckers thought "How will he keep an oath made in front of something he doesn't believe in?" And that's why they're divorced and we're not. My oaths are far more sincere precisely because there is no higher authority binding me to it. I made an oath to my wife, God be damned. .

#sigh
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09-09-2015, 02:47 PM (This post was last modified: 09-09-2015 02:54 PM by Tonechaser77.)
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome!!! Alla...is that you????? Laugh out load (you said English wasn't your first language and we have a member here who claims that as well.) It's quite alright.

Edit: Inside joke...

But in all seriousness: Many of us are in the same situations or have come from the same situations. If you have questions, please ask. We struggle through the same issues and find solace in community just like many other human beings. Sometimes you need a sounding board or venting space...it's all here.

**Crickets** -- God
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