My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
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09-09-2015, 04:19 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
I'm sorry you're going through this. There are many people here with similar dilemmas.

Sometimes it's very hard when you find an area of fundamental disagreement with your spouse to figure out how to move past it, or if that's even possible. If you get stuck in the battle stage--each of you trying to win the other to their point of view--that can be bad.

From your post, it sounds as though he was okay with you being apathetic about religion, but he's not happy with you being passionate about atheism. Do you think he'd be accepting of you if you took a more mellow approach? (but could you take a more mellow approach and still feel true to yourself?) Has atheism changed your opinion of him for the worse, to the point where it colors all of your interaction with him, or is his religious side just something that annoys you every once in a while?

Hug
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09-09-2015, 06:24 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
I'm not so sure it's about his religious beliefs and your lack there of. I suspect it's because you've grown and changed and this may be shaking his insecurities. His blowing up is a sign of that.
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09-09-2015, 06:53 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
As others have said there are many in the same situation as you, including me. After the birth of our daughter my wife of 5 1/2 years became more religious while I drifted further away. She still isn't one of the crazier ones and she mostly just ignores my snide remarks, but our daughter is the one sticking point. I've agreed not to bring up my lack of faith until she asks about it (and she will because she's curious and logical just like me Smile ) and my wife has agreed not to push her into anything or bring up any of the hell nonsense.

Be extremely careful about having kids!! We were lucky enough /in love enough /whatever enough to make it work, but having kids can test any relationship, especially one that already has some underlying issues. Talk about it A LOT if you're considering it and come up with a plan and rules.

Good luck and ask away if you have any questions!

"I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."
- Isaac Newton
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10-09-2015, 01:37 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
It seems to me that you have come into you own in terms of your atheism and that you are proudly flying your atheist flag. I can see how this new found confidence and assertiveness could cause problems with your very religious husband. I think the secret to the success of your relationship, is to maintain respect for each other in spite of your belief differences and to try to find common ground on which to build a relationship. Trying to convince each other that the other person is wrong, will not end well, so it is best to respectfully disagree. You can tel him that you will be supportive of him going to church or having a prayer group and ask him that he be supportive of you going to your local freethinker group or engaging in this forum with like-minded people. Most importantly find common ground with him and develop it.

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10-09-2015, 01:47 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Welcome Smile I love your post. You have done something which few of us have dared to do, to beard the religious person in their lair. It's obviously fine for you to hang a picture of FSM if it's fine for him to display his religious symbols. I love that you are able to stand up to your husband over this. So many people would rather back down, but if we want *our* boundaries to be recognised then when other people step over them we have to be prepared to push back, just as you have done. Congratulations, and welcome once again. I think we will learn a lot from you Smile

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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10-09-2015, 02:42 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(10-09-2015 01:47 PM)morondog Wrote:  You have done something which few of us have dared to do, to beard the religious person in their lair. I

Considering islamists, orthodox jews and the Amish, I would say that religious folk are predominately bearded to begin with Tongue

(22-08-2015 07:30 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  It is by will alone I set my brows in motion it is by the conditioner of avocado that the brows acquire volume the skin acquires spots the spots become a warning. It is by will alone I set my brows in motion.
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10-09-2015, 02:48 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
(10-09-2015 02:42 PM)Octapulse Wrote:  
(10-09-2015 01:47 PM)morondog Wrote:  You have done something which few of us have dared to do, to beard the religious person in their lair. I

Considering islamists, orthodox jews and the Amish, I would say that religious folk are predominately bearded to begin with Tongue

Oddly enough, to beard someone refers to the act of cutting off the said article with extreme prejudice.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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10-09-2015, 07:05 PM
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
I have no experience in this. Sadly I have no advice to give.

I bid you welcome and wish you good luck. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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10-09-2015, 07:20 PM (This post was last modified: 11-09-2015 04:26 AM by Rkane819.)
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Well done on your post. I know I would not have had the courage to wander over to TTA en espanol and attemp to write my thoughts on something so personal in another language. Hopefully you and your boyfriend can find joy in other shared interests, but I know that is hard at first. Good luck and feel free to come here and vent. I certainly do and it helps.
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11-09-2015, 12:47 PM (This post was last modified: 11-09-2015 12:53 PM by Adrianime.)
RE: My husband is a christian and I am not, not anymore
Hi Pinawts,

Just a disclaimer, I haven't been in your situation, so I'm not speaking from experience. But I do feel for those in situations like yourself. I think the cornerstones of every good relationship are communication and understanding. If you and your husband cease communication over a topic, especially a topic that causes discord, you will understand each other less and less. If I sought to strengthen my relationship with my partner I would communicate my thoughts (possibly censored to the point where they aren't insults to her thoughts), listen to her communicate her thoughts, and then try to get us to understand each other. Not just what the other thinks/believes, but understanding what the other expects and will accept from you as a partner. Not knowing the answers to these can be terrifying, but once you do know you can at least make a sound plan.

One thing I did pick up from your post, and this may be because of English being your second language, is when you said,
(09-09-2015 10:57 AM)Pinawts Wrote:  I love him. If religion is taken out of the equation, he is perfect. And I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to accept religion.
That might be something that you personally can't get over that your husband won't necessarily be able to change. You need to be able to accept how he is different from you to reasonably hope that he will do the same, don't you think?

Good luck to you, Smile.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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