My introduction
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29-03-2013, 06:42 PM
My introduction
I thought it might work better if I posted it as a thread:

Hi, I could just jump into the forum and start commenting, but I should probably introduce myself. I was raised in a secular family. I now appreciate it a lot more now that I've seen the burdens imposed on kids growing up in conservative religions, but I admittedly probably could have done with some more structure. Even without a lot of religious education, I always felt the presence of a higiher power, something I now accept as the tricknology of evolution, stronger in some of us than others. Ironically, it took the ridiculous, repressive, anti intellectual dogmas of fundamentalist Xtianity to drive any sense of God far away.

But I get ahead of myself... I converted to fundamentalism after a rough patch in college, and dove in immediately. The doubts began to come not long after, but I assumed it was the devil and/ or my sinful nature. The more entrenched I became socially, the more doubts I had. In retrospect, I was probably a hard core agnostic 10 years ago, but still terrified of hell, and determined to keep my doubts to myself as I raised my kids in the faith, which i still believed had to be right even though I could no longer feel it.

Then my daughter came out as atheist, expressing the doubts I had had for so long. I read the same apologetics i had given up on so long ago, in an effort to find answers for her. Answers she promptly shot down. In short, she put the final touches on my own deconversion. Not that I can afford to admit it to her, mind you. As I said, I'm very much entrenched and in the closet about it, and see no way out. That is all for now.

EDIT: I notice most atheists were raised religious and dropped it in their teens or young adulthood. Any others here who "found God" in young adulthood and lost him later? I often feel like an idiot when I see these kids who have it all figured out, while I swallowed the hype long after I should have known better.
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29-03-2013, 07:18 PM
RE: My introduction
Why don't you think you can be honest with your own child?

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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29-03-2013, 07:45 PM
RE: My introduction
I'm not ready for a number of reasons. There are a bunch of family dynamics, inlaws, etc., all of whom thought I was no good from day one. I'm not ready for them to think I corrupted their grand daughter or something like that. I've at least tried to make clear to my daughter how proud I am of her, and she does know that I've changed my mind on evolution and a lot of other things. I'm not ready for the final step. I just admitted it to myself about two months ago. Before that, I was telling myself I was a Christian agnostic.

(29-03-2013 07:18 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  Why don't you think you can be honest with your own child?
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29-03-2013, 07:53 PM
RE: My introduction
(29-03-2013 07:45 PM)matthewwest Wrote:  I'm not ready for a number of reasons. There are a bunch of family dynamics, inlaws, etc., all of whom thought I was no good from day one. I'm not ready for them to think I corrupted their grand daughter or something like that. I've at least tried to make clear to my daughter how proud I am of her, and she does know that I've changed my mind on evolution and a lot of other things. I'm not ready for the final step. I just admitted it to myself about two months ago. Before that, I was telling myself I was a Christian agnostic.

(29-03-2013 07:18 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  Why don't you think you can be honest with your own child?

I see. And you don't feel she will keep your confidence?

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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29-03-2013, 08:31 PM
RE: My introduction
(29-03-2013 07:53 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  
(29-03-2013 07:45 PM)matthewwest Wrote:  I'm not ready for a number of reasons. There are a bunch of family dynamics, inlaws, etc., all of whom thought I was no good from day one. I'm not ready for them to think I corrupted their grand daughter or something like that. I've at least tried to make clear to my daughter how proud I am of her, and she does know that I've changed my mind on evolution and a lot of other things. I'm not ready for the final step. I just admitted it to myself about two months ago. Before that, I was telling myself I was a Christian agnostic.

I see. And you don't feel she will keep your confidence?

It's a maturity thing. She doesn't think about all the things we cowardly adults have to think about. And she is pretty in your face about her convictions. I am not sure she wouldn't throw my deconversion at other family members, and that would start a Sandy-sized shitstorm that I'm not ready for. So I'm walking a fine line letting her know that she's not crazy or alone in this, while not going "on the record." I can see how this looks pretty bad...
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29-03-2013, 08:36 PM
RE: My introduction
(29-03-2013 08:31 PM)matthewwest Wrote:  
(29-03-2013 07:53 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  I see. And you don't feel she will keep your confidence?

It's a maturity thing. She doesn't think about all the things we cowardly adults have to think about. And she is pretty in your face about her convictions. I am not sure she wouldn't throw my deconversion at other family members, and that would start a Sandy-sized shitstorm that I'm not ready for. So I'm walking a fine line letting her know that she's not crazy or alone in this, while not going "on the record." I can see how this looks pretty bad...

Hey man, welcome to the forum. No worries, you might be surprised at how many of us here are in sticky situations when it comes to "outing" yourself to family. Welcome to the club.Wink

"It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”
― نجيب محفوظ, Sugar Street
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29-03-2013, 08:41 PM
RE: My introduction
(29-03-2013 08:31 PM)matthewwest Wrote:  
(29-03-2013 07:53 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  I see. And you don't feel she will keep your confidence?

It's a maturity thing. She doesn't think about all the things we cowardly adults have to think about. And she is pretty in your face about her convictions. I am not sure she wouldn't throw my deconversion at other family members, and that would start a Sandy-sized shitstorm that I'm not ready for. So I'm walking a fine line letting her know that she's not crazy or alone in this, while not going "on the record." I can see how this looks pretty bad...

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you the impression that I think ill of your situation. I was just curious. I wrongly assumed at first that your daughter was an adult but from what you've said now, I guess she's young. So yeah, I can understand.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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03-04-2013, 02:24 PM
RE: My introduction
Welcome!

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