My law school essay
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07-07-2014, 02:13 PM
My law school essay
Hey everyone, I'm applying to law school this week and Im hoping I can get some feedback on the personal statement I wrote. It's about government and religion. Anyway, here is it.... sorry for the big wall of text, I keep trying to edit it but it won't display any other way.

What am I passionate about? Religion, except not in the way that most would expect. I’m an anti-theist. I want a government that is free of ideas that are immune to ridicule. I won’t lie and say that I have a deep burning desire for everything law. To me a legal education is a tool. It is a tool I need to remove the intellectual and cultural accommodations we’ve established in our government. A legal education from XYZ will enable me to live my passion and work towards something truly meaningful- a secular government that operates not under the fear of any deity, but under the liberty of reason and logic.
I suppose before diving into my quest against theistic influence in our government, I should say a little about myself. At 29 years old, I am an experienced consultant and manager for Federal IT projects, a dad to 5 amazing dogs, a big brother, and a proud husband. I credit my success both personally and professionally to the lessons and morals my parents instilled in me as a child. “God, Family, and BoK”. My father would say that to me almost daily. God was first, then my family, then a body of knowledge (BoK). Love God, my family, and get an education? This seemed like pretty good advice. Why would I ever argue it? Growing up, I was raised as a moderate Christian whose family never actually went to church. I knew God was real but it wasn’t a concept I fully embraced except for saying a prayer before meals and sleeping. As I knew it, worshipping God was a practice that kept me humble, tolerant, and respectful of everyone’s belief system. Besides, even if I didn’t really practice my religion, it’s not like my beliefs were hurting anyone.
Fast forward a few years, I went to Johns Hopkins for a business degree. At 18 I wasn’t really passionate about things like education and career paths. I trusted my parent’s guidance when it came time to select a college and major. When I graduated with a business degree I really had no idea what to do with it. By chance, I landed a role in government contracting and I’ve stuck to that kind of arena since. I’ve worked on enterprise level software integrations, commercial consulting for data and analytics, and visualization for federal system design requirements. I am proud of my career. I worked hard, produced solid results, and had the privilege of coaching and mentoring some fantastic people. I’ve stuck to this path because it was the path laid out for me by my parents, and as it turns out, I’m pretty good at it.
After working in a professional environment for a few years, my father began to press law school on me. Honestly I didn’t know what I would do with it. I took it as him giving me good advice about furthering my education, but like business, I wasn’t quite sure what I would do with law. This translated into a very lack luster passion and drive for a legal education.
A little over a year ago my wife and I were sitting at home on a Sunday evening watching a television series called How the Universe Works. This was the first falling domino on my path of atheism and later anti-theism. I became consumed with reading literature about world religions, cosmic expansion, why we think the way we do, religious moderation and extremism, and the evolution of political and legal systems under the influence of deities. I kept asking myself what I should do with this newfound stance in life and how should I address the injustices that have blossomed as we allowed faith to drive our ideologies. The spark of passion for a legal education was finally ignited and has since then consumed me.
Through this journey it became quite obvious to me that religion has always enjoyed certain intellectual and cultural accommodations. There is a wall of respect surrounding religion that is so impenetrably thick that it has integrated itself into the very core of our legal system without so much as a whimper of opposition. As someone who grew up religiously moderate I didn’t take the bible literally, but of course I had no construct to determine literal from metaphorical. In fact by failing to live by the literal and inerrant word of God while tolerating the irrationality of those who do, I was betraying my own faith and logic. As moderate beliefs provide the context in which scriptural literalism and religious violence can never be adequately opposed, our legal and political environment can never truly be equitable. A brief look at world history will show that an insufficient taste for evidence regularly brings out the worst in us.
Equality, reason, and logic will only prevail when faith loses its certainty. I found my passion and I consider myself fortunate to be among the few who have found it. Now I want to turn that passion into a meaningful endeavor, and while I am cognizant that my views will make most uncomfortable and some angry, I can no longer tolerate unjustified and indefensible positions of how humans should live. Every idea must be subject to ridicule. Ridicule is what keeps ideas grounded to reality. As the astrophysicist Carl Sagan once said “extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence”. That quote will always resonate with me with certain relevance, and together as constituents of democratic politics, we understand the magnitude of evidence in any legal system.
Looking back, I understand why I was taught God, family and BoK. I know firsthand how difficult it is to realize that religious faith and belief in a God conflict with knowledge and tolerance. However I passionately support the notion that our beliefs must conform to reality and not the other way around. We are the United States. As the dominant global power it is our duty to lead by example and demonstrate that in accordance with our foundations as a secular nation, we willfully and affectionately embrace true democratic politics and human rights; that we do not live under the fear of any deity, but under the liberty of reason and logic. It is for this reason, that I would appreciate, honor, and apply training from XYZ.

The religion of one age, is the literary entertainment of the next.
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07-07-2014, 02:21 PM
RE: My law school essay
I like it. You can tell you're very passionate about what you are saying while getting all the information forward. If there is anything wrong with grammer or whatever I'm not gonna notice it, better ask Vosur. Lol

However, well done. Thumbsup
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07-07-2014, 02:37 PM
RE: My law school essay
Well written. Full marks Smile Too bad I ain't a lawyer Tongue But I thought you handled the case very well. Use of sentences very good, which is what we want in a future judge. 'Twould be a crime to deny you. I trust you will be incarcerated in an institution of higher learning for a period appropriate to the degree.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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07-07-2014, 02:38 PM
RE: My law school essay
Before you even think about using this text in an application for law school, you should see to it that you get all the grammatical errors ironed out. Consider

[Image: 7oDSbD4.gif]
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07-07-2014, 02:45 PM
RE: My law school essay
(07-07-2014 02:38 PM)Vosur Wrote:  Before you even think about using this text in an application for law school, you should see to it that you get all the grammatical errors ironed out. Consider

Why is tickling your Grandma an error?

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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07-07-2014, 02:50 PM
RE: My law school essay
Very well put. Long as it is, I think it would help to add WHY you look at law practice as the best (or one of the best) means of weeding religiosity from government, and one or more examples of HOW you expect to apply the law to that end. That makes the application to LAW school more solid, gives the law school more reason to consider you, and also shows you're not just passionate but have thought through how to channel your passion into practical achievements. Best of luck!
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07-07-2014, 05:14 PM
RE: My law school essay
What is this in response to? Were you asked a question or did it merely say, " Make a personal statement"?

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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07-07-2014, 06:55 PM
RE: My law school essay
Thanks to everyone who took the time to read it.

Vosur, can you be more specific? I've cleaned it up and redacted since.

Thinkerbelle, the essay is just open ended. No particular topic is requested...so I decided to play a wild card and say that I want a legal education so I can get religious out of government. Even if the reader is a theist, hopefully it make me stand out from other candidates.

The religion of one age, is the literary entertainment of the next.
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07-07-2014, 07:24 PM
RE: My law school essay
(07-07-2014 06:55 PM)=jesse= Wrote:  Thanks to everyone who took the time to read it.

Vosur, can you be more specific? I've cleaned it up and redacted since.

Thinkerbelle, the essay is just open ended. No particular topic is requested...so I decided to play a wild card and say that I want a legal education so I can get religious out of government. Even if the reader is a theist, hopefully it make me stand out from other candidates.

I read a lot of scholarship applications and letters of reference. Please accept this from that point of view only, disregarding the subject matter.

Shorten it and take out a little bit of the casual tone. You can still retain the less formal parts, but don't get carried away. The language tends to be a little too loose. You are applying to a law school and lawyers tend to be stiff and formal.

If you don't have their attention in the first paragraph, you'll never have it. If you drag it out too long, disinterest will set in and they will set it down and pick up the next application. Assume that everyone who reads it has ADHD. Don't repeat yourself, and be brief and to the point.

I would suggest editing it to about 2/3 the length it is now. You can always drone on and on when you write your legal briefs. Big Grin

Hope this helps.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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07-07-2014, 08:27 PM
RE: My law school essay
(07-07-2014 02:45 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(07-07-2014 02:38 PM)Vosur Wrote:  Before you even think about using this text in an application for law school, you should see to it that you get all the grammatical errors ironed out. Consider

Why is tickling your Grandma an error?

You tickle granny with your iron ?
Weirdo.
Tongue

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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