My mother died
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23-01-2017, 01:27 PM
RE: My mother died
Sorry to hear this mate. Sad

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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23-01-2017, 01:53 PM
RE: My mother died
(23-01-2017 11:57 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Wow, Deesse, that's intense! Blink 30 times a day! Holy $%@£!

That you've come through that to be the man you are ... hats off to you.

Bravo.

Yeah, its hard to believe if you havent endured it. This is stuff than can break you, easily. I always comforted myself with the (fact, assumption?) that she had some mental or physical condition, and thus is not fully responsible. I considered "this person" to be someone entirely differernt, Jekyll-and-Hyde style. I pitied her, not in a condescendent way, but i a way that i was sad not to be able to help my mother while watching how she suffered...caused by my mere presence or existence.

My dad is not answering the phone. Wtf!? He should be home by now. No reason to not be a home. Please, PLEASE Gasp

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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23-01-2017, 02:02 PM
RE: My mother died
Dude. Maybe he's buying milk.

Settle down a bit.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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23-01-2017, 02:08 PM
RE: My mother died
Not sure what to say amigo Undecided Hug

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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23-01-2017, 02:14 PM
RE: My mother died
So sorry for your loss Deesse. Hug
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23-01-2017, 03:52 PM
RE: My mother died
I'm sorry for your troubles.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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23-01-2017, 06:22 PM
RE: My mother died
My thoughts are with you mate. Hang in there. Hug

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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23-01-2017, 06:34 PM
RE: My mother died
(23-01-2017 11:15 AM)Deesse23 Wrote:  Yes, in the mailbox was a letter from an official "carer" about her affairs.

Why did i get notice of my mothers death via a letter you may ask? Its because i didnt talk to her for 25 years. We didnt have a good relationship. I was problematic as a child, and i am not sure about the background. I never dared to ask my parents directly and they never bothered to tell me, but maybe i was kind of abused or something like that. Some problems possibly lead back to such an event(s), who knows, i probably never will.

My parents´ marriage always was running on the edge. My dad is/was a heavy drinker. I think the correct term for our family was "dysfunctional".
My relationship to her really turned to the worse when my parents got divorced (while i was in the army) after 24 years. I decided to stay with my dad and keep my friends and everthing. I clearly told them both that this wasnt a decision based on preference but on my own needs. She always hated her mother in law, and always talked about her (my grandma) trying to "steal" me from her. This is probably a well known motive, but in my case there is absolutely nothing true to this.
Things really went down the drain when her dad (my grandpa) died, her mother passed away in 1980 already. At that point she completely went out of control. She discovered that my grandparents stated in their last will, that their house will go to ......me, and mom (their daughter) is "only" the steward unil she passes away. While i found this a real pratical way do deal with things from my grandparents side, mom went batshit crazy. What i am telling now is what i think happened: Her parents didnt tell her about his, so she was taken completely by surprise. She also took this as a lack of trust, otherwise they could have given her the house to give it to me (mom and me are both single kids). I guess her mind couldnt process this information. Additional to that (and that may be the reason for my grandparents decision) my mother was an epileptic in her youth. When she reached her climacteric, she started to suffer from this again. I witnessed her waking up in the middle of the night, sitting down in the kitchen talking to me, and the next morning she doesnt remember anything. Stuff like this.
It went so bad, that she accused me of forging my grandparents´ last will, breaking into her house, stealing silver spoons (and replacing them with nails), and finally of having shot at her. But, i am her son and she loves me!!!
I guess you know that scheme "You are terrible, you are worthless (without me). Look at what you make me do". The typical abusive spouse behaviour. Yet in her case i think it was not deliberate but caused by some unknown psycholigical or even physilogical problem with her mind/brain. To me it was the most horrible torture, and i think many of you who were fundamentalists can relate to this somehow (however your abusive parent was rather imaginary).
I still have tapes from my answering machine from the 90s, full with insults of her towards me, just to have proof in case some (legal) shit comes my way.
She used to call me up to 30 (THIRTY) times a day to dish out insults and end with "but i love you", until i couldnt take it anymore (i was already at university, which required ALL my attention). I finally got me a new phone number, moved away, and told dad never to tell her anything about me but that i am doing fine. I.just.couldnt.take.it.anymore.

And yet i am sitting here in tears, partially because i am relieved, and partially because i still loved her. One of the last things i told her was that as far as i am concerned, she can live forever and be in that damn house. The last thing i ever said was that she can call me anytime she is well and cured again, otherwise we will see each other next time at her funeral. Looks one of the two propositions has become true.

Just had to get this off my chest. I am crying, although i havent seen her for so long, but i am not made of wood.

P.S.: The fact that my dad doesnt answer the phone today (as he usually does) doesnt make me feel better. Pictures of him rotting in his living room while the TV is running are in my head now. Fucking crazy.

I am sorry that you are struggling with this loss and also struggling with everything that brought things to this point.

Just a couple days ago I spent some time wondering how I would react when my mother dies. We have been estranged over a dozen years. I put up with a ton of abuse before I finally had enough. Will I cry? Will I care? She is pretty much dead too me and all I can think of is that I should at least plan to be supportive of my sister. It's a tough one.

Hugs your way. I hope you find peace of mind.

Angie

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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23-01-2017, 06:43 PM
RE: My mother died
Hug

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23-01-2017, 06:54 PM
RE: My mother died
I’m sorry Deesse. Sadcryface

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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