My mother died
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23-01-2017, 07:34 PM
RE: My mother died
(23-01-2017 11:15 AM)Deesse23 Wrote:  And yet i am sitting here in tears, partially because i am relieved, and partially because i still loved her.

That's the way it goes. You can love people even though they drive you mad. If anything it's worse since only the ones that you love can truly hurt you. Having dysfunctional families doesn't mean we don't love them and don't mourn them when the die.

Your dad may not be answering his phone because he has also received the news and is dealing with it in his own way.

I'm so very sorry and I wish that there were better words.

---
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24-01-2017, 03:32 AM
RE: My mother died
Thank you every one, and i mean everyone.!
Dad finally answered the phone, what a relief! He didnt know (since my parents were divorced long ago) and was shocked. But i feel relieved that he confirmed, what i did was the right thing, and the best thing. Anjele probably knows this too.

Since dad is 78 too now and with frailing health, i guess i will make the best out of the situation and look for a closer contact with him. He is the only one left now, and although we had a difficult relationship at times too, he did a few (if only a few) things for me, for which i always will stand by him.

Blood is thicker than water as we say here.

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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24-01-2017, 03:49 AM
RE: My mother died
I'm really sorry Deesse Hug
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24-01-2017, 05:20 AM
RE: My mother died
I am glad you got in touch with your father.

Your family is also here, though, and we're all pulling for you.

You're among the best of us, Deese. Many hugs across the seas for you, bruder.

Hug

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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24-01-2017, 10:04 AM
RE: My mother died
I have now to decide about funeral. Afaik the grave of my grandparents (her parents) still exists, and she has not left any last will (written or in verbal form). I think putting her to rest with her parents seems to be the most sensible thing to do.

Open question is: classic funeral or cremation. I would like to prefer cremation for two reasons
#1 its cheaper, duh
#2 If i order a cremation, then i may not have to withstand the temptation to look in her dead face in an open casket at the time of the funeral. I see no point in looking at her face after not having seen her for 25y and not being able to relate the face with a person(ality) i know/knew. I would prefer to keep in memory her appearance as she was in her early 50s when i last saw her, and, most important, talked to her (although it wasnt pleasant talk we had).

Any thoughts?

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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24-01-2017, 10:38 AM
RE: My mother died
Sounds wise to me.

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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24-01-2017, 10:52 AM
RE: My mother died
(24-01-2017 10:04 AM)Deesse23 Wrote:  I have now to decide about funeral. Afaik the grave of my grandparents (her parents) still exists, and she has not left any last will (written or in verbal form). I think putting her to rest with her parents seems to be the most sensible thing to do.

Open question is: classic funeral or cremation. I would like to prefer cremation for two reasons
#1 its cheaper, duh
#2 If i order a cremation, then i may not have to withstand the temptation to look in her dead face in an open casket at the time of the funeral. I see no point in looking at her face after not having seen her for 25y and not being able to relate the face with a person(ality) i know/knew. I would prefer to keep in memory her appearance as she was in her early 50s when i last saw her, and, most important, talked to her (although it wasnt pleasant talk we had).

Any thoughts?

Cremation. No doubt about it.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-01-2017, 11:55 AM
RE: My mother died
Just cry it out, Deesse. That's really all there is left. It must all be a tremendous relief - for everyone. Shy

As for funeral stuff. Viewing the body is a personal thing. Some in similar situations often prefer to see it before cremation - kind of a "facing the demons" sort of thing. Some just feel a last viewing seals the deal - I'm alive, you are not - it's all closure.

In the end, it is just a body that housed a lot of what put you where you are in your life. If you choose to view it, you will deal with that information like a healthy human being. If you choose not to view it, it won't make a bit of difference, you'll still be a healthy human being. Just know that you are strong now - had you stayed in touch, you'd be a basket case.

Putting things into perspective is understandable and eventually necessary. You've handled all the intensity life has thrown at you and you've taken charge. The decisions you've made for yourself have helped you build a healthy world of reality and sanity - never second guess the decisions you have made that deal with your personal health and safety.

It's healthy and wise for you to view your mother's faults and abuse to be a product of her mental illness. One has to assume that quite a lot of what she was, may not have been what she ever wanted to be.

Pity and empathy rest under the umbrella of humanity.

Take things slowly - you'll have a lot to think about for a while.
Eat well and stay healthy as you sort through everything.
Heart

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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24-01-2017, 12:47 PM
RE: My mother died
(24-01-2017 11:55 AM)kim Wrote:  Just cry it out, Deesse. That's really all there is left. It must all be a tremendous relief - for everyone. Shy

As for funeral stuff. Viewing the body is a personal thing. Some in similar situations often prefer to see it before cremation - kind of a "facing the demons" sort of thing. Some just feel a last viewing seals the deal - I'm alive, you are not - it's all closure.

In the end, it is just a body that housed a lot of what put you where you are in your life. If you choose to view it, you will deal with that information like a healthy human being. If you choose not to view it, it won't make a bit of difference, you'll still be a healthy human being. Just know that you are strong now - had you stayed in touch, you'd be a basket case.

Putting things into perspective is understandable and eventually necessary. You've handled all the intensity life has thrown at you and you've taken charge. The decisions you've made for yourself have helped you build a healthy world of reality and sanity - never second guess the decisions you have made that deal with your personal health and safety.

It's healthy and wise for you to view your mother's faults and abuse to be a product of her mental illness. One has to assume that quite a lot of what she was, may not have been what she ever wanted to be.

Pity and empathy rest under the umbrella of humanity.

Take things slowly - you'll have a lot to think about for a while.
Eat well and stay healthy as you sort through everything.
Heart

Hug

Ceterum censeo, religionem delendam esse
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24-01-2017, 01:21 PM
RE: My mother died
Just to liven things up a bit Deesse I suggest

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“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
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