My poem about deep time and earth history
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21-08-2016, 08:35 AM (This post was last modified: 21-08-2016 08:44 AM by Jess98.)
My poem about deep time and earth history
A poem I wrote in English class
Title: For the love of reason.

Deep time, a love of mine
To deny it is a crime
Everytime we look outside
It should be plain to the mind
Splendid are my thoughts for thee
Pondering it sets me free
Not on faith, but proof and facts
Fossils I have, racks on racks
Now I start to understand
Earths vast history, it is grand.
The strata like pages, the earth like a book
Deeper through time, the farther we look
Primitive creatures, brilliantly bizzare
They're no longer here, but now we are
As time passes on, we too will be gone
A drop in the bucket, of what has foregone
Be thankful for life, we won't be here long
There's no greater privilege, to live a life here
Earth great vast history
To my heart I hold dear.

Comments appreciated!
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22-08-2016, 11:59 AM
RE: My poem about deep time and earth history
Nice original idea, and well developed. The line "The strata like pages, the earth like a book" is particularly clever.

You're writing (generally) in what's known as rhyming couplets, and you may like to better ensure that this style follows through, both in meter and rhyme.

Can I suggest—because of this—the lines "Splendid are my thoughts for thee/
Pondering it sets me free" would better scan as "Splendid are my thoughts for thee/
pond'ring upon it sets me free".
(The contraction is accepted as poetic license.) If you say it out loud this'll make more sense of the different rhythm.

—Keep up the good work. Smile

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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27-08-2016, 07:32 AM
RE: My poem about deep time and earth history
(22-08-2016 11:59 AM)SYZ Wrote:  Nice original idea, and well developed. The line "The strata like pages, the earth like a book" is particularly clever.

You're writing (generally) in what's known as rhyming couplets, and you may like to better ensure that this style follows through, both in meter and rhyme.

Can I suggest—because of this—the lines "Splendid are my thoughts for thee/
Pondering it sets me free" would better scan as "Splendid are my thoughts for thee/
pond'ring upon it sets me free".
(The contraction is accepted as poetic license.) If you say it out loud this'll make more sense of the different rhythm.

—Keep up the good work. Smile

Not a fan of structure critics. What matters to me the most is the message. It simply has to work. There is no point in any type of art if it isn't understood by the viewer. Style is a personal taste issue, and while one can focus on that which is fine, it still ultimately is what works, not how a critic may view it. I liked it myself.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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27-08-2016, 03:57 PM
RE: My poem about deep time and earth history
Glad you both liked it!
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