My relationship
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12-01-2017, 06:43 AM
RE: My relationship
My friend, you're only four months into this and there are red flags all over the place.

While I can appreciate the fact that you are concerned about her mental state, you are not her counsellor, you are not her doctor, you are not her therapist.

As a grizzled old veteran of the divorce wars, please trust me on this: you cannot change her, and she is highly unlikely to change herself.

Wish her well, leave her lying ways behind and move on with your life. And bear in mind that there is one, and only one, rule for a successful break-up. (When I say "successful break-up" I mean a situation whereby each person can move forward, without bitterness or rancour, with respect for the other.)

The rule consists of only two words: break them at your peril.

NO

CONTACT

No texts. No calls. No emails. No smoke signals. No messages passed through friends.

It will likely be one of the toughest things you will ever have to do, but there's really no other way.

Good luck.
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12-01-2017, 06:53 AM
RE: My relationship
(12-01-2017 02:46 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  The rule there is to protect the authors of their own posts here from critique or anything bad. But this is my thread and I welcome any kind of feedback on this. So if you have more to say Banjo, you or anyone else, do so, please.

OK....


(12-01-2017 01:34 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  Shortly after we started dating I prohibited them from dating other people, flirting or sexting with them whether in public or in private. Recently they gave me their facebook account, I made them because I had found out some compromising information about them from one of their other online ex boyfriends.

You prohibited her? You made her give you access to her facebook? That sends up a HUGE red flag; in any relationship worth saving the other person should not want to do those things but not because you forbid them. You don't go into detail about how you happened to find out something from her ex but it sounds like you were snooping. She lied and you are a control freak. You deserve each other.

(12-01-2017 02:04 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  She needs to change her ways and accept that what she did is wrong.

She's not the only one.

You need to get out of the relationship and you need to work on your trust/control issues.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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12-01-2017, 06:55 AM
RE: My relationship
(12-01-2017 01:34 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  I have a long distance relationship with someone online. I won't mention names, or anything identifying like that.

This person has dated me for four months now. Shortly after we started dating I prohibited them from dating other people, flirting or sexting with them whether in public or in private. Recently they gave me their facebook account, I made them because I had found out some compromising information about them from one of their other online ex boyfriends. It turns out she lied to me about everything. Details about her personal life and past relationships, she sexted with other guys who sent her dick pics, and openly flirted with her and she did the same right back, she even sent them nudes she never sent me and even some that I had thought she took only for me. She lied about me to a whole community of people and to the staff there and got me banned from it. I read her conversations with other people about me. She openly laughed about me and plotted against me. She made everyone believe I was stalking her and not leaving her alone, all the while she texted me daily, for four months, constantly. She says she loves me and that I'm the only real person in her life, yet she doesn't want to be openly public with me in the communities that she frequents.

How do I deal with this? I love her and I want her but she is very emotionally fragile and she is using me, lying to me constantly... I mean maybe she started changing now, but my experience is she keeps lying to me until and unless I confront her with undeniable evidence of her wrongdoings and counteract her bullshit arguments about them. She even said stuff like she doesn't even know when she lies or not.

This is not even the tip of the iceberg. It's a snowflake. There are literally hundreds of lies she told me that I never knew about before, only suspected in my gut. I'm still in shock.

After everything she did to me, I don't think it's fair that I can't openly write about her, without saying who she is. I care about the truth. I can't keep going down this road. I love you, but you are destroying both of us.

Thank you for listening. Rant over.

A question. Would you be friends with somebody with these traits?

[Image: 20cad83ad8d757191e2878b0f4bf05a9.png]
"Don't answer that. A rhetorical question."
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12-01-2017, 06:57 AM
RE: My relationship
[Image: smeagol-my-precious-funny-shoes.jpg]

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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12-01-2017, 07:04 AM
RE: My relationship
It sounds to me as though both of you are wrong for each other. If you've only been in a relationship for four months and things are going this badly, there's really no point in continuing. Someone who makes fun of you and looks down on you is NOT a person with whom you should be having a long-term relationship. It's not going to get better--you're still in the honeymoon period where the little flaws of the other person aren't so annoying. Cut your ties, cut your losses, and find someone else.

Maybe look for someone in your area so that your relationship is not only online?

Just a final thought: I think I would find it off-putting if someone I was in a relationship with for only a few months, online or IRL, was giving orders to me (please ask instead! ordering is what bosses and parents do). Forbid it and you make me want to do it.
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12-01-2017, 07:27 AM
RE: My relationship
You can't forbid anyone from doing anything.

And you're a schmuck if you try.

....

You can ask nicely - and if the person is agreeable, will go along with your request.

But "forbid"????

uh....

No.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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12-01-2017, 07:38 AM
RE: My relationship
Dude seriously this whole thing is sooo fucked up Shocking You forbid her made her give you her FB account and you're seriously surprised she labeled you a stalker ?? I absolutely solid gold guarantee you this will end in tears and possibly even worse, it is not beyond the realms of possibility you could wake up one morning to a knock on the door only to find yourself arrested on harassment/ stalking charges, depending on the laws of which ever country you come from of course. This girl sounds dangerously unstable and you sound seriously controlling, nothing anyone says will convince you I understand that but like I said this WILL end badly unless you take steps to protect yourself. I am truly sorry to be so harsh and blunt but you put this out here and I have to call it as I see it, please take care and please protect yourself, personally I think you 'd be safer playing with a rattlesnake. Sad
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12-01-2017, 08:21 AM
RE: My relationship
(12-01-2017 02:04 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  I believe she can change. I choose to believe that. What she did is bad, but it's not irreversible. All she has to do now is listen to me if she really loves me and wants me. If not, I will make sure more people come forward about her, her ex in particular.

This is the arena she chose. Only she lied and distorted facts. She did this behind my back and kept up a web of lies over everyone's minds.

She needs to change her ways and accept that what she did is wrong. It's not the end of the world if you told lies about a romantic relationship you have. But when you change my life to this extent, this is my business to talk about what happened. You are my fiance, we have a future together, you want me to be a part of your family. So you need to do this and change. No matter how hard it is. I believe in you. And I believe you love me. I love you too.

Sure people can change, but they have to want to change. Change isn't something you can force on other people. It sounds like this rship is toxic for you. I understand that she is depressive, but you also need to take care of you and you deserve to be in a happy rship with someone who cares about you and wants to be with only you.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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12-01-2017, 08:31 AM
RE: My relationship
Thank you everyone, and especially the "negative" side. I think they have it right. This is all my fault. And I will do better by her.
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12-01-2017, 08:43 AM
RE: My relationship
(12-01-2017 08:31 AM)excitedpenguin Wrote:  This is all my fault.

This is not about fault or assigning blame or anything of the sort. It is simply that, from what you've written, you and her appear to be incompatible.

There's no blame to be had here.

Release her, and yourself, from this struggle.

Again, good luck.
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