My short story im writing... Feedback.
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10-01-2013, 02:21 PM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
(10-01-2013 01:42 PM)bemore Wrote:  
(10-01-2013 01:35 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Consider

Does he turn green when this happens?
He can if you want him to.

Without giving too much away these sections are just a quick build up/explanation of how John manages this "power" of his. Im nearly up to todays date and John will change the world.........

That's a relief.

I was worried it might be some cross between The Hulk and Carrie.

btw, have you read Nick Cave's And the Ass Saw the Angel?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_the_Ass_Saw_the_Angel

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10-01-2013, 02:47 PM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
I like it a lot so far and can't wait to read more. Will be watching for further posts. Thumbsup

'See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way.' -JF
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11-01-2013, 08:00 AM (This post was last modified: 11-01-2013 08:05 AM by Svengali.)
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
Sorry, literature it's not by a mile or two. It sucks. An elementary schoolkid would do a lot better.
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11-01-2013, 08:08 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
(11-01-2013 08:00 AM)Svengali Wrote:  Sorry, literature it's not by a mile or two. It sucks. An elementary schoolkid would do a lot better.
Thank you for your feedback, sorry for wasting your precious time in reading it.

Would you care to break it down bit by bit or would you care to throw more insults my way, its ok im a big boy I can take it you know.

You're never going to say the things you want to say.
The things you want to change will usually stay that way
The promises you break outweigh the ones you keep.
Paint upon the wall for the hundredth time.

Jesus Jones
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11-01-2013, 08:14 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
God Bemore. Actually doing something of your own just to learn... WTF man ? I thought we were all in the underachiever's club together ? Come on, let's go criticize some other guy, it's a lot more fun than doing the hard work Wink
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11-01-2013, 08:16 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
"Break it down" even more than you already did? I doubt that's possible.
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11-01-2013, 08:22 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
(11-01-2013 08:14 AM)morondog Wrote:  God Bemore. Actually doing something of your own just to learn... WTF man ? I thought we were all in the underachiever's club together ? Come on, let's go criticize some other guy, it's a lot more fun than doing the hard work Wink
I didnt know Ego had logged in?

You're never going to say the things you want to say.
The things you want to change will usually stay that way
The promises you break outweigh the ones you keep.
Paint upon the wall for the hundredth time.

Jesus Jones
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11-01-2013, 08:25 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
(11-01-2013 08:16 AM)Svengali Wrote:  "Break it down" even more than you already did? I doubt that's possible.
Yes, break it down. Like explaining in your own words why you think it is shit.

If you just want someone to argue with and be nasty to I can do that, do it by PM though caus I dont need the attention.

You're never going to say the things you want to say.
The things you want to change will usually stay that way
The promises you break outweigh the ones you keep.
Paint upon the wall for the hundredth time.

Jesus Jones
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11-01-2013, 08:30 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
You already covered it yourself. You know full well why it's not literature and never will be.
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11-01-2013, 08:35 AM
RE: My short story im writing... Feedback.
(11-01-2013 08:30 AM)Svengali Wrote:  You already covered it yourself. You know full well why it's not literature and never will be.
Because of the fact im lazy and I dont bother correcting my work... well I did warn that this may infuriate some people.

I understand that some people will be put off by this, so that is why the full final version will not contain any mistakes.

You're never going to say the things you want to say.
The things you want to change will usually stay that way
The promises you break outweigh the ones you keep.
Paint upon the wall for the hundredth time.

Jesus Jones
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