My son
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15-09-2017, 03:52 PM
RE: My son
Just to add...my oldest granddaughter is 12. One of her friends for many years was a 'girl named Emily'. Now (s)he wants to go by Ethan and considers himself to be a boy. My son-in-law took a half dozen of the crew to a movie the other night...including Ethan...who is still part of the crew.

My daughter gets tripped up on the name...I said to just refer to the child as 'E' for now.

There are miserable bully kids out there but there are also friends who are friends through all sorts of changes...hang in there...it's going to be okay.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-09-2017, 03:56 PM
RE: My son
I have a friend whom I knew as female and who dropped back into my life as male.

In all of the important ways, it really doesn't matter. But it takes some time to adjust - my girlfriend is dead and her brother is here - so it seemed. So there was some grieving and some joy. In time, it all melds again and it's just one person. That's the best I can describe it.

The hardest to adjust to for me was the name and the pronouns. I don't know how many times I stumbled over this before my brain adjusted these. And it's really awkward when that happens.

For all but the transgender it's really just much ado over nothing - except that our brains want to follow the trodden path and need to adjust.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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15-09-2017, 03:58 PM
RE: My son
(15-09-2017 03:52 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Just to add...my oldest granddaughter is 12. One of her friends for many years was a 'girl named Emily'. Now (s)he wants to go by Ethan and considers himself to be a boy. My son-in-law took a half dozen of the crew to a movie the other night...including Ethan...who is still part of the crew.

My daughter gets tripped up on the name...I said to just refer to the child as 'E' for now.

There are miserable bully kids out there but there are also friends who are friends through all sorts of changes...hang in there...it's going to be okay.

I know we will all be okay whatever happens, It's us and our kids against the world.. Like you say kids (and grown ups) can be bullies, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Get your own bleeding hymn book
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15-09-2017, 04:27 PM
RE: My son
(15-09-2017 03:08 PM)Thedemonbarber Wrote:  By the time she started high school at the age of 12, I had real worries about her mental health...

I won't lie me and my wife were absolutely devastated and could not believe it, at first I just dismissed it and told her not to be silly and that she was just stressed...

I actually feel really guilty about how dismissive I have been at times, I definitely added to the pain for her and I am not proud of myself for the way I handled certain situations...

I just wish that we had handled things differently earlier but we only ever had her best interests at heart...

Your initial, negative parental responses were all perfectly normal, and occur spontaneously and therefore lack any genuine cognitive input. It's part of what makes us human. Please don't berate yourself unjustly after the event. The important factor is that—upon reflection and rationale—you now fully support your son, and are considerate and comfortable with his transition. Well done to you!

And as others have said, his younger siblings will come to terms with having an older brother, rather than a sister—given time. Adolescents are very flexible in the way they perceive the world around them—they're not set in the sometimes inflexible worldviews that us oldies can be.



A 21-year-old blogger living in Boston, Cameron Russo, says he posts videos to help educate and document his transition from female to male. He started his physical transition in 2013 and started male hormones in May 2014. He had top surgery on 5 November 2015.

"I was 18 years old, my brother was 10 and my sister was only 8 when I started living as male.

Before coming out as transgender, I was worried about how they would adjust to my change. Would they be embarrassed? Would they have a hard time switching pronouns?

I remember the first time seeing them after I cut my hair. I was just getting off work and they were visiting my apartment for the weekend. I opened the door and instantly got the biggest hug from my sister. My brother was in the other room playing video games. They didn’t react much to my haircut. I briefly just told them I was living this way now, and that I was much happier. I never told them much about transitioning.

Once I started testosterone, I felt the need to tell them more because I knew of the obvious changes to come. I told them I started weekly shots that were going to make me look like a boy. They didn’t seem to care about any of that. They just wanted to spend time with me. Now in 2016, I’ve been on testosterone for over two years. My sister was the first to adjust to new pronouns, my brother right after her. My brother tells me all the time how he loves having me as a brother. It’s insane how younger people are much more open than some adults. I love these guys and I’m forever grateful for their support."

2017 Oath Inc. All rights reserved. Part of HuffPost MultiCultural/HPMG News

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15-09-2017, 04:33 PM
RE: My son
Thankyou everyone, you are all so kind, thank's for being so straight forward, I don't know what to say except thankyou.

Get your own bleeding hymn book
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15-09-2017, 04:40 PM
RE: My son
Well from a grown up FtM to a parent of a teenage FtM: It will be fine.
I saw you still refer to your son as "she" in your post.
It will be quite a journey for you (the parents) to go with male pronouns because for most of his life you saw him as a girl. I understand that.
But I would like to highlight how good it will feel for him when you start using male pronouns. I know how great it felt to me when my mom used the male grammatical form of something on me (not English) for the first time recently.

If you want to talk or have any questions, feel free to pm me. I am more than happy to try and help you if can.

I would also like to recommend you watch the Trans 101 series by Chase on youtube. It is very informative and explains A LOT of things that you might have questions about. Here is the first one of the Trans 101 series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRH0pwENbx8

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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15-09-2017, 05:12 PM
RE: My son
(15-09-2017 04:40 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Well from a grown up FtM to a parent of a teenage FtM: It will be fine.
I saw you still refer to your son as "she" in your post.
It will be quite a journey for you (the parents) to go with male pronouns because for most of his life you saw him as a girl. I understand that.
But I would like to highlight how good it will feel for him when you start using male pronouns. I know how great it felt to me when my mom used the male grammatical form of something on me (not English) for the first time recently.

If you want to talk or have any questions, feel free to pm me. I am more than happy to try and help you if can.

I would also like to recommend you watch the Trans 101 series by Chase on youtube. It is very informative and explains A LOT of things that you might have questions about. Here is the first one of the Trans 101 series. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRH0pwENbx8

In real life we do try, I know I have been referring to him as her but most of the post I made was backstory, if that makes sense.

I still stop myself calling him by his former name, but it's a hard habit to break.

Get your own bleeding hymn book
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15-09-2017, 05:15 PM
RE: My son
(15-09-2017 05:12 PM)Thedemonbarber Wrote:  I still stop myself calling him by his former name, but it's a hard habit to break.
It's a normal part of the transition.
While it is him going through the biggest changes, especially the medical ones, it is also a huge change for everybody around him. Adjusting takes time. Once some of the physical changes kick in, it will probably come naturally at that point.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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15-09-2017, 05:29 PM
RE: My son
(15-09-2017 03:08 PM)Thedemonbarber Wrote:  I think it's time that I opened up about this to anyone who is willing to listen.

In 1998 our second child was born, a beautiful little baby girl. we were thrilled to bits with her, I remember her birth like it was yesterday, my wife really suffered in labour with our first, but her birth went swimmingly (pool birth)

Anyway.. Everything was well with her until she reached school age, maybe 4 or 5, we noticed how unhappy she seemed (compared to her brother) she was also very difficult to please and went up like a bottle of pop over the slightest thing. She wasn't girly at all, would not conform to the norms, we used to tell people that she's just a tomboy, it's a phase, she will grow out of it. By the time she started highschool at the age of 12, I had real worries about her mental health.

To cut a very long story short, she only managed 2 years of highschool due to factors that I can understand now but didn't at the time We ended up home educating her and she actually did really well in her exams.

I should explain that we also have 2 other younger children, one girl 12 and one boy 9.

Four years ago when she was around 15 years old she dropped the bombshell that she didn't feel female and needed to live the rest of her life as a male.
I won't lie me and my wife were absolutely devastated and could not believe it, at first I just dismissed it and told her not to be silly and that she was just stressed (she had been treated for depression) but it soon became apparent to us that this was real, this was going to happen.

I suppose I'm writing this just to try and give a parents perspective to people on this issue, I actually feel really guilty about how dismissive I have been at times, I definitely added to the pain for her and I am not proud of myself for the way I handled certain situations. It's taken me and my wife a couple of years to come to terms with this, but we have come to terms with this.

She has started the transitional process and see's a consultant next month about surgery options, she has changed her name also.

To be honest she is the happiest that I have ever seen her, I just wish that we had handled things differently earlier but we only ever had her best interests at heart.

The two younger ones are confused, but children are adaptable and in time I hope they get over loss of their sister and embrace their brother.

I just now saw your post. Most people on this forum know that my daughter is transgender. She came to us when she was 18 and told us. Like you, we were also dismissive. A lot of people wonder how parents can shrug off stuff like this so easiy, but when you're raising kids it seems as though they go from one phase to another and a lot of the phases are nutty.

There was about a year when our youngest daughter thought that having a tail would be really cool. She and her friends bought or made fuzzy animal tails and pinned them to their blue jeans with safety pins and went to school that way. Also, teenagers are ultra dramatic. Even the slightest thing sends them into a heightened emotional orbit. So when your son comes to you and says "I'm transgender" you tend to say..."Yeah, sure." and then you go and finish doing the laundry.

It wasn't until we she revealed how miserable she's been for so many years that we realized the truth and I think it took a few hits on the head for her father and I to understand everything and accept it.

Anyway, I'll never know what it's like to be transgender but I do know that being who you really is the most important part of living. How can it be otherwise. Why should someone go through their life with their brain wired to the opposite gender. Why not do something about it. Your son will be a happier person, for sure!

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He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
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Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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15-09-2017, 06:17 PM
RE: My son
This is one of those posts one gets to late, wants to reply xyz, and reads through to find xyz have already been expressed (in better form). Don't waste time imagining how you could have handled it better earlier, think of all the parents that don't handle it well and never will handle it well, to nothing but the pain and detriment of all involved. No, fuck it, don't think of that! What matters is the love and support you provide now and going forward. And regarding the younger ones, as said, kids are super-adaptive. You'll be more troubled thinking of how they'll be troubled more than they'll actually be troubled (?).

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