My story
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24-08-2016, 01:05 PM (This post was last modified: 24-08-2016 01:25 PM by Eaton.)
My story
Hello everyone, I am new to the forum After hearing the podcast. I will be going through and commenting in other threads soon and I look forward to some good conversation with like minded people. First though, here is my story. I was not raised in a household with religion, nor was it an anti thiest upbringing either though. My mom would tell me that the dead pets I loved where in heaven now to comfort me but that's about it. Being allowed to think for myself and pretty much figure out what religion was all about completly outside my own family I figured out how ridiculous it was pretty quick. In middle school I told someone I didn't believe in god and was labeled satanic by my classmates. Nowadays this kind of crap pisses me off but at the time I decided to roll with it and it was kind of fun, In high school I had a bisexual friend that was treated horribly by her religious family, and that is when I really started to hate religion and become anti thiest. There where still rumors about me being satanic because this was the same classmates that had always accused me of it and I always said yes I am and then laughed at them when everyone was afraid of me. I started listening to Esham the unholy and Natas and bought a shirt that had the Natas logo (backwards N, devil tail on the T, and crossed pitch forks behind it) on it and that just fueled the rumors among the Hardcore Christians even more. Most everyone else in school new me though and was more reasonable. During this time I meet my wife who came from a very religious family, and this is why I'm going into detail about my past. She was from that religious click and believed the rumors but still came to me and Gave me a shot, she actually asked me to dance with her at a Halloween dance and got to know me better (and know the rumors where false) later. I never came out as athiest to her family, I'm proud of who I am and don't have a problem with what anyone thinks about me as long as I am true to what I believe and am a good person (there where also a lot of people who thought I was gay but that's another story, one I'd love to share if anyone wants to hear it). I have been with my wife for 15 years and married for 10 (we are both 30) and I have not come out to them as athiest only because I know it would cause problems between them and my wife. My wife still calls herself a Christian but we have been in a church probably less than 10 times in the 10 years we have been married and that's mostly for weddings. We did have our first 2 children who where adopted baptized in a single ceremony though. I went along with it for the sake of the inlaws but decided right then it would never happen again and I would not lie to my children when they got older for my inlaws sake or even for my wife's. They are getting older now and being told about religion from their grandma and I know the time is coming for some difficult choices to be made. Well, not really difficult choices but difficult times as a result of them.
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24-08-2016, 02:11 PM
RE: My story
Interesting story, Eaton.

If I may ask, I understand your wife is an atheist as well?
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24-08-2016, 03:10 PM
RE: My story
No, she still calls herself a Christian and claims to believe it all. She has no desire to go to church though and has never once preached to me. Even started dating me in my satanic (but only as a rebellion against Christianity) faze. I honestly believe it's out of fear of disappointing her parents. That being said, I do fear my coming out as an atheist to her parents will cause problems in our Marriage though, mainly because it will cause problems between her and her parents and she will take their side when it comes to what we tell our children or get mad at me when I tell them it's not true. I'm doing what's right by my kids though.
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24-08-2016, 03:14 PM
RE: My story
Sounds to me like she should take your side as the husband, if it's all about taking sides and not thinking about the issue on one's own, but that's just my opinion.
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24-08-2016, 03:29 PM
RE: My story
(24-08-2016 01:05 PM)Eaton Wrote:  Hello everyone, I am new to the forum After hearing the podcast. I will be going through and commenting in other threads soon and I look forward to some good conversation with like minded people. First though, here is my story. I was not raised in a household with religion, nor was it an anti thiest upbringing either though. My mom would tell me that the dead pets I loved where in heaven now to comfort me but that's about it. Being allowed to think for myself and pretty much figure out what religion was all about completly outside my own family I figured out how ridiculous it was pretty quick. In middle school I told someone I didn't believe in god and was labeled satanic by my classmates. Nowadays this kind of crap pisses me off but at the time I decided to roll with it and it was kind of fun, In high school I had a bisexual friend that was treated horribly by her religious family, and that is when I really started to hate religion and become anti thiest. There where still rumors about me being satanic because this was the same classmates that had always accused me of it and I always said yes I am and then laughed at them when everyone was afraid of me. I started listening to Esham the unholy and Natas and bought a shirt that had the Natas logo (backwards N, devil tail on the T, and crossed pitch forks behind it) on it and that just fueled the rumors among the Hardcore Christians even more. Most everyone else in school new me though and was more reasonable. During this time I meet my wife who came from a very religious family, and this is why I'm going into detail about my past. She was from that religious click and believed the rumors but still came to me and Gave me a shot, she actually asked me to dance with her at a Halloween dance and got to know me better (and know the rumors where false) later. I never came out as athiest to her family, I'm proud of who I am and don't have a problem with what anyone thinks about me as long as I am true to what I believe and am a good person (there where also a lot of people who thought I was gay but that's another story, one I'd love to share if anyone wants to hear it). I have been with my wife for 15 years and married for 10 (we are both 30) and I have not come out to them as athiest only because I know it would cause problems between them and my wife. My wife still calls herself a Christian but we have been in a church probably less than 10 times in the 10 years we have been married and that's mostly for weddings. We did have our first 2 children who where adopted baptized in a single ceremony though. I went along with it for the sake of the inlaws but decided right then it would never happen again and I would not lie to my children when they got older for my inlaws sake or even for my wife's. They are getting older now and being told about religion from their grandma and I know the time is coming for some difficult choices to be made. Well, not really difficult choices but difficult times as a result of them.

I grew up in a household that never talked about religion. I chose to go to the local church as kid - up until I was 10. Then I realized what idiocy it all was.

Just make sure your kids learn other things as well, start with picture books about dinosaurs, then books about the world - you know those nice table top books with tons of pics. I loved those to death, and while not involving any study or lots of reading, they gave me a good idea of how things really worked and what all was out there...and they are appropriate at any age really. The younger, the better.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-08-2016, 03:32 PM
RE: My story
Yea, and I hope she does. No matter what she says, she is not a religious person, not even for Christmas or easter services like the "I have never never read the bible and know nothing about Christianity, but I believe it's true" Christians. I know how Christians can be though, and her Parents are as bad as they come.
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24-08-2016, 03:35 PM
RE: My story
There are a number of things you might be able to do to help your kids without coming into direct conflict with your inlaws.

Teach them critical thinking. No need to involve religion, it's an election year. It's a life skill that will be invaluable no matter what choices they make.

Teach them about fiction. A kid who can tell fiction from fact won't have much difficulty with religion. If you teach them about good fiction then they'll be able to spot what horrid fiction the Bible really is.

Give them dinosaur books and any other "gateway sciences" that they have a penchant for. It feeds into the critical thinking and fantasy aspects with the virtue of being true. Ditto for Cosmos and just about everything else PBS and BBC puts out along those lines.

Congrats on 15 years together and good luck with the munchkins.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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24-08-2016, 03:43 PM
RE: My story
(24-08-2016 03:10 PM)Eaton Wrote:  No, she still calls herself a Christian and claims to believe it all. She has no desire to go to church though and has never once preached to me. Even started dating me in my satanic (but only as a rebellion against Christianity) faze. I honestly believe it's out of fear of disappointing her parents. That being said, I do fear my coming out as an atheist to her parents will cause problems in our Marriage though, mainly because it will cause problems between her and her parents and she will take their side when it comes to what we tell our children or get mad at me when I tell them it's not true. I'm doing what's right by my kids though.

You and your wife need to discuss what and how you're going to explain to your kids. And then you both need to have a chat with your kids about what each of you believes, why that's different and why you love and respect one another in spite of those differences. And possibly why grandpa and grandma need to not know certain things because they'd have a hard time respecting you.

You're their parents. Grandparents don't get to meddle. You need to present a united front on this with your wife before they learn anything. You've been willing to compromise in the past and she sounds pretty level-headed so shouldn't be too difficult.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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24-08-2016, 03:44 PM (This post was last modified: 24-08-2016 03:56 PM by Eaton.)
RE: My story
Quote:I grew up in a household that never talked about religion. I chose to go to the local church as kid - up until I was 10. Then I realized what idiocy it all was.

Just make sure your kids learn other things as well, start with picture books about dinosaurs, then books about the world - you know those nice table top books with tons of pics. I loved those to death, and while not involving any study or lots of reading, they gave me a good idea of how things really worked and what all was out there...and they are appropriate at any age really. The younger, the better.

Yea my wife is a teacher, majored in science. Our children are very educated and have lots of books, mostly science stuff but a little of everything. I have recently ordered them a book about religions of the world that talks about different cultural beliefs after having it recommended for athiest parents in a goodreads group. It seems like a good way to show them the entire picture and present religion in a "this is what some people believe" kind of way. They love dinosaurs and already know a little about evolution. I am confident that with at least one parent that says I don't believe in god to show them it is OK, they will draw the right conclusions when they reach the age of reasoning based on their education and me making sure to teach them critical thinking.
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