My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
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07-11-2012, 03:15 PM
My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
A story I dreamt up that SHOULD be in The Onion.

Koch Brothers Painting the Roses Red.

In a visibly disturbed mood after Romney’s concession speech,
brothers Charles and David Koch had an emergency meeting to discuss their next
plan of assault to turn the country into a god fearing Theocracy.

Charles was quoted as saying “Simply buying the dumb ass republicans
and their campaigns is just not working”, and later quipped “We have got to
move in to an even more aggressive policy”. Everyone agreed upon the intent but
had no real idea what to do until David Koch spoke up. David said “What we must
do is start buying up counties in Ohio, California, New York , Nevada,
Washington and all the other blue states. We must buy them lock, stock and
barrel and then donate them to the Great state of Texas”. “Once we have those
counties and their electoral votes firmly under Texan rule we can control the
elections”. Charles jumped up from his chair and started jumping around the
office in excitement while proclaiming “This is a brilliant idea”.


We are already getting reports of some secret back room
closing deals for the Koch brothers to buy up California but no one at the California
Government office are willing to comment. More news as this story develops………….
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07-11-2012, 07:32 PM
RE: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
(07-11-2012 03:15 PM)Denicio Wrote:  A story I dreamt up that SHOULD be in The Onion.

Koch Brothers Painting the Roses Red.

In a visibly disturbed mood after Romney’s concession speech,
brothers Charles and David Koch had an emergency meeting to discuss their next
plan of assault to turn the country into a god fearing Theocracy.

Charles was quoted as saying “Simply buying the dumb ass republicans
and their campaigns is just not working”, and later quipped “We have got to
move in to an even more aggressive policy”. Everyone agreed upon the intent but
had no real idea what to do until David Koch spoke up. David said “What we must
do is start buying up counties in Ohio, California, New York , Nevada,
Washington and all the other blue states. We must buy them lock, stock and
barrel and then donate them to the Great state of Texas”. “Once we have those
counties and their electoral votes firmly under Texan rule we can control the
elections”. Charles jumped up from his chair and started jumping around the
office in excitement while proclaiming “This is a brilliant idea”.


We are already getting reports of some secret back room
closing deals for the Koch brothers to buy up California but no one at the California
Government office are willing to comment. More news as this story develops………….

You should send it to them. Big Grin

I am us and we is me. ... bitches.
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08-11-2012, 08:35 AM
RE: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
THey dont take submissions. Guess its for legal reasons.
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08-11-2012, 11:16 AM
Re: RE: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
(08-11-2012 08:35 AM)Denicio Wrote:  THey dont take submissions. Guess its for legal reasons.

They are just as corrupt as foxnews!

There's one thing that always makes me feel pleased when watching NOVA because one of the key funders is the David Koch fund for science. That's probably the best use their money consistently goes to.

"Allow there to be a spectrum in all that you see" - Neil Degrasse Tyson
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08-11-2012, 04:03 PM
RE: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
I read the word "theocracy," in the OP, and I decided to skip the rest, and take the time to write this note.

Are you fucking serious???

Do you sincerely believe that the government sanctioning of religion is a mere secret legislative move away?

Do you understand the situation the world is in?

There are too many fucking idiots in this world, and it is going to eventually result in massive suffering, unless of course, you already have that figured out, and that is why you have time to pay attention to the political activism of the Christians???

By the way what is your response to their activism - counter-activism???

There are a lot of stupid and/or inadequate people in this world, what are we going to do about it?

Humanism - ontological doctrine that posits that humans define reality
Theism - ontological doctrine that posits a supernatural entity creates and defines reality
Atheism - political doctrine opposed to theist doctrine in public policy
I am right, and you are wrong - I hope you die peacefullyCool
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08-11-2012, 04:31 PM
My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
^ Awkward. Confused

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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08-11-2012, 04:52 PM
Re: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
I think its funny how looney partisan hacks like the OP love to obsess about their opponents rich figure heads.

Repubs always derping about that evil george soros, dems like rosanna cant shut up about the Koch bros. Why cant they turn the firehouse on their own kind for the good of everyone?
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08-11-2012, 05:01 PM
RE: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
(08-11-2012 04:52 PM)TheBlackKnight Wrote:  looney partisan hacks like the OP
I've often heard it said that sarcasm was comedy for the thinking man.
Far from a 'looney partisan hack'..nice try though. Have any more insults you'd like to contribute? I mean, what you have already added to this post is fucking brilliant. Thanks for sharing.

Here all along i thought i was just a 'dumb white godless ape' (what was that trolls name that called us that...i've sadly forgotten?)
Thanks for sharing.
D
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08-11-2012, 05:07 PM
Re: My story for The Onion News. Koch Brothers buying up Counties.
Ha! Right, because no one has ever used sarcasm and satire to push their political bullshit.


Oh wait
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