My theist wife giving time to listen
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28-01-2011, 09:31 PM
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
So I've been reading this thread, and came up with an idea. I decided to read it from your wifes perspective. (Or at least the best that I could). What I read the second time around was this: my husband wants me to think like he does. He's looking for ways to take my faith from me, and convert me to his way of thinking. What's worse, is he's asking strangers for advice on how to best steal my faith from me.

Let it be known, I'm not saying that's what you're doing. (Though I suspect it may very well be). What I'm saying is use some empathy. I know that if someone took a part of my life that I considered to be very important to me, and showed me YouTube videos about how I was wrong, I'd be appalled. Treat her like your wife, not like someone you'd find on a forum!!!!!

As for the alloted 30 minutes per week? She is humoring you. Why? Because she loves you, and wants you to feel heard. Fact is, she knows where you stand, and if she actually wants to hear more she'll ask. Otherwise, she's simply trying to be kind. In fact, she is being kind. Show her the same kindness and use your 30 minutes to explain to her that you will keep your feelings on religion to yourself until she asks to hear more.

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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28-01-2011, 10:08 PM
 
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
Just a thought playing off of what SR just said, how many of us here on this sight who started out life as theists were 'converted' by the urgings of another atheist? I wasn't. I sought the knowledge myself at the pace that was good for me, and I honestly can't say I'm 100% there even now.
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28-01-2011, 10:54 PM
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
This situation is as much about a marriage as it is about the subject of religion. Probably even more so.

This hits me personally a little bit, because I stayed in a marriage for much longer than I should have because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I tried to force myself into a place that I just didn't fit. Eventually I pretty much lost it, and I packed all my shit one day and left while he was out. He had no idea why. He was clueless. I had been telling him all along, but he didn't get it. I tried really hard but you can only be who you are.

OP, it really seems to me like you and your wife do love each other and want to be respectful. I just urge you to be cautious in your approach. I commend you for taking all of our comments to heart and giving them consideration. If the two of you can find common ground and move forward in life together, then that's great. I wish both of you the best and I hope this all works out. Marriage is hard at times.

My current husband is much different than my first. Above all, I know that he is always on my side, (and this goes both ways) even if we don't always agree. I cannot stress the importance of this to you enough.

You have my best wishes, both of you.
(28-01-2011 10:08 PM)Dregs Wrote:  Just a thought playing off of what SR just said, how many of us here on this sight who started out life as theists were 'converted' by the urgings of another atheist? I wasn't. I sought the knowledge myself at the pace that was good for me, and I honestly can't say I'm 100% there even now.

The "journey" from theism to agnosticism to atheism is most definitely a very personal and individual one. I too came to it all by myself. It just sort of happened.

My reason for being is to serve as a cat cushion. That is good enough for me. Wink
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29-01-2011, 12:58 AM
 
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments.

Stark, Trill, you guys are mostly right and I think I'm going to follow your advice and just drop the 30 minute a week thing. I will tell her how much I appreciate her kindness and willingness to do so, but that I don't want to drag her down a path kicking and screaming. It truly is an individual path, but I often find myself hearing many people's conversion to Atheism was seeded by a concept or argument presented to them by another person, one they probably did not consider before.

I think that when I have these conversations that afterward, the Theist will give my position more thought, even though they completely discounted it during the actual conversation. It's like I approach conversations with Theists in hopes that I will plant a seed that will get them moving on their own journey in pursuit of truth, no matter where it leads. It may be wrong by some people's standards to hope to plant such a seed, but I'm not going to be dishonest and tell you all that it's not a small hope. I do also hope to learn from the other person as much as possible.

It's not so much that I want to force her to think like I do, I just want to find more common ground on the subject, and I think common ground with my wife I love is important. Even if I'm just trying to learn more about her belief structure, she just wants to completely avoid the conversation. You guys are right though, she already knows my opinions on the subject. So I suppose I just need to buck up and continue the theistic conversations with people who are engaging more willingly and leave that stuff behind when I am at home. It's just that, having a daughter, I know this will all come up again when she starts asking questions and I want my wife to understand my position enough to not be upset when I express it to our daughter. In a sense, I want to air this all out now before that time comes.

Compared to our love for each other, all of this other stuff is just logistics that will work itself out. It really is going to require personal growth and self control for me however to just not talk about it.

I know you all are strangers, but I've found much more thoughtful and intelligent insight from this group in the past few days I've been on than any other forum I've frequented.
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29-01-2011, 03:02 AM
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
(29-01-2011 12:58 AM)Dbutz Wrote:  I know you all are strangers, but I've found much more thoughtful and intelligent insight from this group in the past few days I've been on than any other forum I've frequented.


They don't call us brights for nothing
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29-01-2011, 07:15 PM
RE: My theist wife giving time to listen
Everytime I log on I need to put my sunglasses on. Tongue

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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