My wife delusion...
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18-06-2015, 12:00 PM
My wife delusion...
I hate even typing this because as atheists we've heard it: she's also mad at God. She wrote him a letter and he answered it with you. You wake up, drop God & religion, but now she's angry that her deity gifted her with someone he knew would shed his faith.

As a result she grasps even harder to her god, even threatening you with your children in Hell. (Common move in politics and religious debates, threatening people with intangible horrors.)

If she believes so wholeheartedly it sounds to me like her god sent her someone to teach her that her blind faith is bad. Yes, it's an oxymoron.
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18-06-2015, 12:54 PM (This post was last modified: 18-06-2015 01:21 PM by kim.)
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 08:39 AM)Tonechaser77 Wrote:  I just had a not so pleasant conversation yesterday with my wife....again Sad

We were watching Grey's Anatomy (the back logs on Netflix) and there was an older couple in their 70s or so that were sneaking into a room in the hospital to get it on. I playfully gestured that would be us when we were 70. But my wife, quite ominously, looked away and murmured, "if we're even together".

I won't lie, damn, that cut to the bone.
---

Hug
I'm sorry but ... that may have to be your exit cue.

It's going to be better for both of you to cry now, than to go through more, and be even more emotionally invested.
***

If she's unhappy with something about you, it will be up to her to come to terms with it - the way you've come to terms with her feelings of faith. You may have grown in a way she can not comprehend.

I'm not saying to NOT try and work it out. I'm just saying be prepared to know that it may not be something that can be worked out.

It will do you good to rant... might keep the noggin' from exploding.

Again... Hug

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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18-06-2015, 01:00 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 12:00 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  I hate even typing this because as atheists we've heard it: she's also mad at God. She wrote him a letter and he answered it with you. You wake up, drop God & religion, but now she's angry that her deity gifted her with someone he knew would shed his faith.

As a result she grasps even harder to her god, even threatening you with your children in Hell. (Common move in politics and religious debates, threatening people with intangible horrors.)

If she believes so wholeheartedly it sounds to me like her god sent her someone to teach her that her blind faith is bad. Yes, it's an oxymoron.

That could be--but she could also be thinking: God is testing me/testing our relationship/testing our faith. God wants us to grow closer to Him/become stronger Christians so this is why He gave us this struggle. This is how they would spin this in my old church anyway.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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18-06-2015, 02:54 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 01:00 PM)jennybee Wrote:  That could be--but she could also be thinking: God is testing me/testing our relationship/testing our faith. God wants us to grow closer to Him/become stronger Christians so this is why He gave us this struggle. This is how they would spin this in my old church anyway.
Sort of being sent an unwashed heathen to bathe in the glory of Jesus? Smile
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18-06-2015, 03:04 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 02:54 PM)Clockwork Wrote:  
(18-06-2015 01:00 PM)jennybee Wrote:  That could be--but she could also be thinking: God is testing me/testing our relationship/testing our faith. God wants us to grow closer to Him/become stronger Christians so this is why He gave us this struggle. This is how they would spin this in my old church anyway.
Sort of being sent an unwashed heathen to bathe in the glory of Jesus? Smile

Don't you know it Tongue

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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18-06-2015, 11:02 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
May I suggest that you steer the conversation in an entirely different direction? Is the rest of your marriage good? If so, focus on how you two can make it work even with your differences. I am new here so I don't know your backstory. Has she said she will leave you if you don't return to the faith? Do you want to leave her because of her faith? It sounds to me like she is afraid - that you both are. My husband deconverted with me but I have become much more liberal politically while he is still very conservative. We have some very heated discussions about politics but I am learning that our marriage is bigger than politics and we can be okay even when we are not like-minded. I had an abusive first marriage and even after seven years my husband is still teaching me that he is safe. Is she afraid that you are going to turn on her? I know I was afraid that my marriage wasn't going to survive my deconversion but he is my best friend and that is continuing to be reinforced. You can, through your actions, counter what she is being taught and show her that atheist does not equal immoral jackass.
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19-06-2015, 07:13 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 11:02 PM)ThatAtheistChick Wrote:  May I suggest that you steer the conversation in an entirely different direction? Is the rest of your marriage good? If so, focus on how you two can make it work even with your differences. I am new here so I don't know your backstory. Has she said she will leave you if you don't return to the faith? Do you want to leave her because of her faith? It sounds to me like she is afraid - that you both are. My husband deconverted with me but I have become much more liberal politically while he is still very conservative. We have some very heated discussions about politics but I am learning that our marriage is bigger than politics and we can be okay even when we are not like-minded. I had an abusive first marriage and even after seven years my husband is still teaching me that he is safe. Is she afraid that you are going to turn on her? I know I was afraid that my marriage wasn't going to survive my deconversion but he is my best friend and that is continuing to be reinforced. You can, through your actions, counter what she is being taught and show her that atheist does not equal immoral jackass.


In case you're curious, here is the thread he wrote a while back. It is really unfortunate that relationships get stressed by this.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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19-06-2015, 07:35 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
(19-06-2015 07:13 AM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  
(18-06-2015 11:02 PM)ThatAtheistChick Wrote:  May I suggest that you steer the conversation in an entirely different direction? Is the rest of your marriage good? If so, focus on how you two can make it work even with your differences. I am new here so I don't know your backstory. Has she said she will leave you if you don't return to the faith? Do you want to leave her because of her faith? It sounds to me like she is afraid - that you both are. My husband deconverted with me but I have become much more liberal politically while he is still very conservative. We have some very heated discussions about politics but I am learning that our marriage is bigger than politics and we can be okay even when we are not like-minded. I had an abusive first marriage and even after seven years my husband is still teaching me that he is safe. Is she afraid that you are going to turn on her? I know I was afraid that my marriage wasn't going to survive my deconversion but he is my best friend and that is continuing to be reinforced. You can, through your actions, counter what she is being taught and show her that atheist does not equal immoral jackass.


In case you're curious, here is the thread he wrote a while back. It is really unfortunate that relationships get stressed by this.

Thank you. That did help.
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19-06-2015, 07:52 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I suppose snappy explanations like "it's all part of God's plan" won't help the situation.

I think giving your children love and support is the best antidote.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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19-06-2015, 07:56 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 11:02 PM)ThatAtheistChick Wrote:  May I suggest that you steer the conversation in an entirely different direction? Is the rest of your marriage good? If so, focus on how you two can make it work even with your differences. I am new here so I don't know your backstory. Has she said she will leave you if you don't return to the faith? Do you want to leave her because of her faith? It sounds to me like she is afraid - that you both are. My husband deconverted with me but I have become much more liberal politically while he is still very conservative. We have some very heated discussions about politics but I am learning that our marriage is bigger than politics and we can be okay even when we are not like-minded. I had an abusive first marriage and even after seven years my husband is still teaching me that he is safe. Is she afraid that you are going to turn on her? I know I was afraid that my marriage wasn't going to survive my deconversion but he is my best friend and that is continuing to be reinforced. You can, through your actions, counter what she is being taught and show her that atheist does not equal immoral jackass.

Yes, the rest of our marriage is good. We've been together 10 years and married for 8. In fact this weekend is our anniversary. It only seems to wheel off course when religion is brought up so I keep it to a minimum. I still attend church with her and the kids. I still play on the church's worship team. Ya, it's crazy I know. I'm not sure how long that will last. At some point she is going to need to come to grips with the fact that I will probably stop attending church and will have a discussion with our kids when they are old enough.

She is scared. She has told me that. She is scared for the exact reasons Jenny mentioned. The double edged sword with my wife is that she is willfully ignorant about an extraordinary amount of things. She goes to work, she comes home and cares for our kids (very well I might add) she goes to church on Sunday. This is her life. She doesn't want more. She is completely satisfied with that. She doesn't want to learn. She doesn't want to grow. Other than attending church and having a blind faith that god is real, jesus died for her sins which saved her, she knows nothing about christianity. She has never studied the bible, because she is comfortable exactly where she is. The good that comes out of that for me is that I can continue to soak my kids in science, logic and reason. We go to museums, we watch cosmos videos, we talk about science and how things work. That way when they are older, there may be some cognitive dissonance and they will come to dad because mom won't know the answers. She never bothered to learn.

I am scared in the fact that I have a great marriage in every other arena and I don't want that to end. I have stated on here before, my parents divorced when I was three. I don't want to be the dad who only sees his kids on the weekends or on one week, off the next. However, I am slowly but surely realizing that I may have to travel down this road....at some point in the future. I am trying to accept that without giving up the fight in the interim. Smile

If you want more background about me in general, check my bio in my profile. That will help round out where I came from.

**Crickets** -- God
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