My wife delusion...
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20-06-2015, 04:29 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
Just remember if your marriage does end. It's not a failure, it was good and successful for the time it worked. It just came time to change.
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20-06-2015, 05:14 PM (This post was last modified: 20-06-2015 05:42 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 08:39 AM)Tonechaser77 Wrote:  We were watching Grey's Anatomy (the back logs on Netflix) and there was an older couple in their 70s or so that were sneaking into a room in the hospital to get it on. I playfully gestured that would be us when we were 70. But my wife, quite ominously, looked away and murmured, "if we're even together".

I won't lie, damn, that cut to the bone.

Odds are she was just dicking with you. The Catholic ManlyGirl has dicked with GirlyMan like that. Difference is it just made us both laugh instead of cutting either to the bone. And then we laughed again that both of us laughed. "You know you're going to hell fatboy right?" "Yup. You gonna visit?" "Of course, but I expect per diem". "That's why I married you."

There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide. -Camus
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20-06-2015, 08:36 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(20-06-2015 05:14 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Odds are she was just dicking with you. The Catholic ManlyGirl has dicked with GirlyMan like that. Difference is it just made us both laugh instead of cutting either to the bone. And then we laughed again that both of us laughed. "You know you're going to hell fatboy right?" "Yup. You gonna visit?" "Of course, but I expect per diem". "That's why I married you."

If she dicks with you, do you fap with her?

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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22-06-2015, 04:21 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
Ask her, if she were choking would she like you to perform the Heimlich maneuver, or watch her full of faith that god will help her?
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24-06-2015, 10:01 AM (This post was last modified: 24-06-2015 04:13 PM by Matt Finney.)
RE: My wife delusion...
Religion alone won't be a barrier to the marriage.

My advice....

Explain to her that the only thing you're guilty of is not having all of the answers, and admitting that to yourself.

Find the common ground.... ex. even if god exists, everyone is agnostic about how and why he does what he does (his ways are very, very, mysterious even to the very religious).

See if you can get her to agree that a perfectly good God wouldn't punish well-intentioned atheists, God wouldn't be so petty.

Explain to her that you do value many of the teachings of Jesus, and that losing religion, if anything, improves moral standing. She would probably agree that doing good out of fear of punishment or hope of reward, isn't as good as doing good simply because you want to.

I'll admit I don't know your story, so maybe none of this will help.

Good luck, don't give up!
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24-06-2015, 11:17 AM (This post was last modified: 24-06-2015 11:20 AM by Commonsensei.)
RE: My wife delusion...
(18-06-2015 08:39 AM)Tonechaser77 Wrote:  I just had a not so pleasant conversation yesterday with my wife....again Sad

We were watching Grey's Anatomy (the back logs on Netflix) and there was an older couple in their 70s or so that were sneaking into a room in the hospital to get it on. I playfully gestured that would be us when we were 70. But my wife, quite ominously, looked away and murmured, "if we're even together".

I won't lie, damn, that cut to the bone. I told her about it later. This led to the god conversation again and I kept insisting that it wasn't a phase. Once you gain information and knowledge and start to assemble the pieces of the puzzle it's not something you can continue to stick your head in the sand about. She used her same old lines about how I need faith.

I, again, carefully tried to explain the problems with faith:
1) It's wishful thinking, and something you need ONLY when you have don't have significant evidence.
2) We don't operate any other area of our life by blind faith, if we did we would be considered irrational, i gave examples, walking out in front of cars on a highway and having faith god wouldn't let them hit me, not wearing a seat belt, not studying for a test (god will provide the answers).
3) If we appeal to faith then you have to include every other religion that does as well so which one is right?

She just can't grasp the error in thinking. It breaks down too far back and the connection can't be made. She then asks me about our kids and if I'm okay with them not being a christian and letting them go to hell. I told her what I've told her before, I'll compromise and let her indoctrinate but I want them to make that choice based on their own study and I will still love them no matter what. She couldn't comprehend that. To her I just said, yep, send them to hell. And then she concluded by saying "see this is what is going to tear us apart." I told her we needed to focus on values not beliefs because it's a larger common ground. She couldn't get that. If they don't believe, they are going to hell. To her that's the bottom line.

Her other go to is argument is from personal experience. We met on myspace, (ha!) It's been 10 years. We were both Christians and when I came across her profile that's what stood out. We befriended each other and yada yada yada. Here's where the personal experience gets real personal for her. In the midst of her previous marriage, which was devastatingly horrible, she finally got enough courage to leave. While she was 'healing' she wrote a letter to god explaining the kind of husband she wanted. I came along, I was it. Now, I have tried to carefully explain probability, chance. I've used the dice example, I've used the lotto example. Very low probability but there's still a winner. I have asked her if she is absolutely positive that god was the only explanation for her prayer about a husband. And if so, why did he answer her prayer but not the mother in Cleveland Clinic with a two year old that just died from a brain tumor.

She can't make the goddamn connection and it is so frustrating. Fuck!!!!

*sigh* This truly may be the beginning of the end. I need to keep fighting but start accepting that potential and place it on the back burner so I'm not devastated if it happens.

As always, thanks for letting me rant. I need to start blogging this shit to get it out of my mind and system.

Ok, already 4 pages in so i'm a little late.

My wife and I go threw the same issues. The difference is we came into this marriage knowing each others differences. (In a way) My wife had nothing but bad relationships in the passed. Her first Boyfriend had raped her. Other used her. and the one she knew before me beat her.

One day when we were fighting she brought up why couldn't I just pretend. I said it wouldn't be honest. Especially to her. At that point we were together 3 years. (going on 5 now) I said just because a person says their a Christian doesn't make them an better a person. Think back to all your past boyfriends. Where did you meet them? Church. Them going to Church and Christians didn't make them better people. I've never forced myself upon you. I've never and will never hit you. Do you fell that I have changed at all now knowing this part about me? ... then I got into a bunch of sappy stuff from our past that you don't want to hear.

We have our bumps. You've been together longer then I have. Just ask Do you feel like i'm a bad person?

In another conversation after we had an argument over praying before a meal.(She demanded I do it, I said "No.") I said "Do you feel i'm deserving of going to Hell? Do you feel I'm deserving to be tortured for the rest of Eternity, because I don't know the answer to this very important question."

Thankfully she said "No." I said "Well you've just proven your more compassionate then the god you adhere to."

Lately she's been asking me more questions about morality. And I give as honest an answer as I can. We have so much in common and enjoy each other company greatly. It's just this one subject that we're both very defensive about.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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24-06-2015, 11:19 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
I am really sorry your wife said that Tonecahser. You are decent person and it was really a shitty way to communicate with you, but she did. She is either trying to mess with you or send you a shot across the bow about what she is really thinking. It may be time to pull the "I love you and want to be with you when I'm 70, but if you don't and don't want to work on our relationship, then we need to move on..."
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24-06-2015, 11:25 AM
RE: My wife delusion...
I'm not gonna give you any advice and, even if I did, you shouldn't listen.

All I'm gonna say is what would you say to someone who said what you have.

Lots of luck.Heart

Marburg virus, Ebola, Rabies, HIV, Smallpox, Hantavirus, Dengue Fever all brought to you by god - who cares for us and loves us all Censored
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24-06-2015, 03:20 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(19-06-2015 05:06 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  its a Dr Phil moment....

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"


I choose happy. YMMV.


Is that a choice here? Unless I missed massive amounts of context it sounds like SHE'S the one who needs to ask herself that question, she seems to be the one randomly blurting out hurtful things and refusing compromise. He, at least in this moment, only brought things up because she did.

And the two seem very intertwined and hard to pull apart in this scenario. Dunno, maybe it's me, but if I knew my hypothetical husband was inflexible and believed in bullcrud, which he in turn insisted on feeding to my hypothetical kids, I probably wouldn't be very happy.

Popcorn I put more thought into fiction than theists put into reality.
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25-06-2015, 12:38 PM
RE: My wife delusion...
(22-06-2015 04:21 PM)Takelababy Wrote:  Ask her, if she were choking would she like you to perform the Heimlich maneuver, or watch her full of faith that god will help her?

I can't speak for TC's wife, but people in my old church would say that God put someone in her path who knew how to administer it.
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