My wife is a Roman Catholic
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
10-12-2014, 08:26 AM
My wife is a Roman Catholic
We've been married over 45 years and almost never fight. I try to never talk to her about religion but this morning we got into a fight about religion. For the life of me I don't know how we got onto that subject. Anyway she got quite upset. The fact that her mother died last month did not help things. I tried to change the subject but she would have none of it. I couldn't just shut up because she kept asking me questions which I felt I had to respond to, otherwise she'd just get more upset.

As she left for work she said "We'll continue this conversation later". I don't want to continue it later. But I don't know how to avoid it. I don't want to deconvert her; that wouldn't make either of us happy. But she has no chance of converting me and I think she knows that. She knew about my beliefs since before we were married and our 45th anniversary was last June.

She's upset with me because 3 of our 4 children (all adults) are atheists.

She's upset because "all of your books are atheist literature". No really true. I have Lee Strobel, Van Voorst, Augustine, Aquinas and my personal Bible.

Sapere aude
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
10-12-2014, 08:41 AM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
what were the nature of her questions or points? was it on heaven? atheism? or just all over the place?


I will say losing my Mom 5 years ago was and continues to be one of the hardest things Ive ever had to deal with. It affected me in ways I never expected. It very much changed *who* I am. I am still processing that loss. So while a month might seem like a long time to some, to others its just a blink.


I would send her a love letter, take her a bouquet of flowers at work, explain to her that you don't know why all the turmoil suddenly, but that you love her and don't want to continue the battle. defuse the situation, show her some kindness and unexpected gesture of love.

hopefully, when she gets home, she will be calmer and maybe more able to discuss what the real problem is.

Hug


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Bows and Arrows's post
10-12-2014, 04:28 PM (This post was last modified: 10-12-2014 04:34 PM by Mr Woof.)
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
(10-12-2014 08:26 AM)f stop Wrote:  We've been married over 45 years and almost never fight. >Suggests your marriage has been maintained by a lot of thingsThumbsup
I try to never talk to her about religion but this morning we got into a fight about religion. For the life of me I don't know how we got onto that subject. Anyway she got quite upset. The fact that her mother died last month did not help things.> She probably reacted quite emotovely. I tried to change the subject but she would have none of it. I couldn't just shut up because she kept asking me questions which I felt I had to respond to, otherwise she'd just get more upset.> Enough is enough, but enough isnecessary

As she left for work she said "We'll continue this conversation later".> things may well get backto normal; good luck! I don't want to continue it later. But I don't know how to avoid it. I don't want to deconvert her; that wouldn't make either of us happy. But she has no chance of converting me and I think she knows that. She knew about my beliefs since before we were married and our 45th anniversary was last June.

She's upset with me because 3 of our 4 children (all adults) are atheists.

She's upset because "all of your books are atheist literature". No really true. I have Lee Strobel, Van Voorst, Augustine, Aquinas and my personal Bible.
She may have reacted somewhat over emotively in consequence of her mother's death, As you have enjoyed good stability for over 45 years, hopefully the issue will return to the norm. Good luck, and try to avoid incompatible conversations.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
10-12-2014, 08:12 PM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
(10-12-2014 08:26 AM)f stop Wrote:  We've been married over 45 years and almost never fight. I try to never talk to her about religion but this morning we got into a fight about religion. For the life of me I don't know how we got onto that subject. Anyway she got quite upset. The fact that her mother died last month did not help things. I tried to change the subject but she would have none of it. I couldn't just shut up because she kept asking me questions which I felt I had to respond to, otherwise she'd just get more upset.

As she left for work she said "We'll continue this conversation later". I don't want to continue it later. But I don't know how to avoid it. I don't want to deconvert her; that wouldn't make either of us happy. But she has no chance of converting me and I think she knows that. She knew about my beliefs since before we were married and our 45th anniversary was last June.

She's upset with me because 3 of our 4 children (all adults) are atheists.

She's upset because "all of your books are atheist literature". No really true. I have Lee Strobel, Van Voorst, Augustine, Aquinas and my personal Bible.

The Bible is the largest selling atheist book out there. Now if only more people truly read it...
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like RogueWarrior's post
10-12-2014, 11:36 PM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
(10-12-2014 08:26 AM)f stop Wrote:  We've been married over 45 years and almost never fight. I try to never talk to her about religion but this morning we got into a fight about religion. For the life of me I don't know how we got onto that subject. Anyway she got quite upset. The fact that her mother died last month did not help things. I tried to change the subject but she would have none of it. I couldn't just shut up because she kept asking me questions which I felt I had to respond to, otherwise she'd just get more upset.

As she left for work she said "We'll continue this conversation later". I don't want to continue it later. But I don't know how to avoid it. I don't want to deconvert her; that wouldn't make either of us happy. But she has no chance of converting me and I think she knows that. She knew about my beliefs since before we were married and our 45th anniversary was last June.

She's upset with me because 3 of our 4 children (all adults) are atheists.

She's upset because "all of your books are atheist literature". No really true. I have Lee Strobel, Van Voorst, Augustine, Aquinas and my personal Bible.

Say what you feel honesty is the best thing you can give to a person
and if that person loves you they eventually learn to cope or understand in time. You just have to give that time to them to understand.
But then again some never learn, you just gotta ride it out and hope it works.
I'd say "Ask the children questions" You can't speak for them.
They would tell her if they felt pressured into what they did or didn't believe.
But i think you should also stand up for yourself and say how you feel about them
not believing or believing. I don't believe honesty is deconverting it's just giving our your feelings and opinions. Make sure you give her room to speak her mind to, and try to keep the talk clam and respectful. I believe you are trying to do that, i know most of this you may have heard before to however, iv'e never loved so i can only go by what i would do or what i have heard works for some people.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-12-2014, 02:46 PM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
Oh dear. I am sure it has to do with her mom's death.

Many people are quite out of sorts after losing someone they love. It can change one's entire perception of the world. Tread carefully, try not to answer but to ask questions. Get her to talk, you avoid talking. Just ask her to explain.. and remember, it's not a debate. You want to comfort her.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-12-2014, 07:00 AM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
I'd like to thank everyone for their support. The conversation has not resumed.

I'm trying to not visit atheist websites while she's in the house. She's gone to mass now.

Sapere aude
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-12-2014, 08:23 AM
RE: My wife is a Roman Catholic
(14-12-2014 07:00 AM)f stop Wrote:  I'd like to thank everyone for their support. The conversation has not resumed.

I'm trying to not visit atheist websites while she's in the house. She's gone to mass now.

Sounds good. It's just not at all time to have this conversation while she is grieving.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: