My wife is a christian
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18-02-2013, 05:42 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
Hey JimBob,

It sort of reminds me of well... the stepford wives, right? Anyway, I wanted to reply and just show my support as my girlfriend is a christian and I feel your pain. You love and "respect" them but then they have this straight idiotic belief. If you can convince her, have her read "Letter to a Christian Nation" by Sam Harris. I try to pass that around my circle as he makes some excellent points.

As far as your kids go, tread carefully. Rather than just teach your point, show them all gods and their beliefs (Thor, Zeus, etc...) so when it comes to Jesus, he's just another whacko religion. Ensure they have fun with Atheist as the church might try to draw them in with religious "activities".

I feel for ya brother, and hopefully someday she'll wake up from the christ-coma. Good luck!
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21-02-2013, 12:28 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
I delt with a similiar situation myself. This year I was a Christian and then going into Second Semester of my Senior year I just decided that I'm an Atheist.
I was in a relationship with a Christian guy, and I didn't want to end it but I actually felt more relief once I ended it.
Some people claim you can have a Christian-Atheist marriage but I don't believe it's possible.
What happens when kids come in and you have to parent them? What happens if the kid faces an issue but you have a pretty straight common sense solution and your spouse has a pretty strong Christian solution? To me that's going to confuse the child and I could see a fight starting right there.
I mean I think it's ok if you disagree over little things in a marriage but you and your spouse should share similiar beliefs.
Here's an example. Both my parents are Christians but my Dad watches ghost shows like Ghost Adventures, and Ghost Hunters. My mom does not approve of these shows, but they're still together. My dad has learned to just not talk about these shows with my mother to avoid conflict.
It's never too late to change. Don't be afraid to walk away like I did. Trusting someone is a part of a relationship but have similiar values is also important.
It could be worse. There's one guy who commented on the board that's already married, knows he's an Atheist, and has his kids attending Sunday School. Now if he wants a divorce he has a custody battle to deal with.
I go by the phrase by Paulo Coelho" If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello"
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21-02-2013, 01:01 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
(17-02-2013 05:43 PM)jimbob Wrote:  I'm still unsure how to bring up the fact that I have realised I'm an atheist. I don't want any big arguments about this, but I fear it could be inevitable.

As far as you might be concerned, her beliefs may actually not matter to you and that is fine - it can be a livable situation. However, concern for her mental welfare and concern for your child are very much your concern; help her to understand this concern.

Before anything else, you need to let her know your views on your self realization. Then, you need to let her know your views about the beliefs she's suddenly become engrossed with. She may not be aware of the drastic change that you perceive, as well, she may not see it as a mental issue so, she might resent that insinuation. Just let her know that the reason you need mutual understanding about this, is that you care about her welfare and the welfare of your child.

I think you and she together, need to see her arm doctor and then see a counsellor. Her arm doctor will back you up your concerns for her mental health and may even be able to suggest a counsellor to work with.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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21-02-2013, 05:41 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
Whatever you do... save the kid, don't let her be brainwashed.
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05-03-2013, 04:27 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
(17-02-2013 04:03 PM)jimbob Wrote:  Ok. Bit of background. My wife has had surgery on an injured arm, twice, that has not worked. This seems to have prompted the sudden embracing of religion. She is putting a lot of trust in faith healing. I just don't beleive it. She thinks if u prey enough, god will heal u! I think she has become dilusional.


I don't think prayer is all it's cracked up to be. I think it's a "feel good" thing. Kind of like a pacifier for a baby. It's a self-soothing method. I think it's naive to think that God will heal you if pray enough. So if 50 people pray for her God will heal her, but if only 49 pray he won't? That's how prayer has always felt to me. I used to beg God to hear and answer me...to just hear him. I got nothing. I don't believe it holds as much water as everybody thinks.
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25-03-2013, 03:32 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
hey Jimbob! I'm in a similar situation and curious how you're doing....
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25-03-2013, 04:01 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
Hey hami. Still same situation. Wife still going to same church and convinced that god is helping her and answering her prayers. I feel stronger in my atheist views as each day goes by. I feel she is backing off now a bit. Still unsure what the future holds. I have not told her about my views yet. Don't fancy moving out much and not seeing my kids grow up. How's things with you?
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26-03-2013, 09:08 AM
RE: My wife is a christian
(25-03-2013 04:01 PM)jimbob Wrote:  Hey hami. Still same situation. Wife still going to same church and convinced that god is helping her and answering her prayers. I feel stronger in my atheist views as each day goes by. I feel she is backing off now a bit. Still unsure what the future holds. I have not told her about my views yet. Don't fancy moving out much and not seeing my kids grow up. How's things with you?
I just recently told my husband about my views. He was raised Southern Baptist and his dad is a preacher. Needless to say, he was angry when I explained it to him, but I'm determined to not let it change anything. Things were rocky at first. I was afraid to read my books in front of him or look around on this site. Just because I didn't want to upset him. But, things have gotten better.

The word "atheist" has a tendency to rub people the wrong way. I had to explain to him the meaning of the word, and stress that it doesn't mean that I want to go on a murder spree or....eat babies.....or....shit I don't know what the hell they think it means. He seems to be a little more comfortable with it now. When I take a bath, he pokes his head in and offers to bring me my book. By the way, Its "The God Delusion", so I'm pretty sure he knows whats in it Wink

Like you, since I decided to turn away from religion, I feel so much better. About everything. My days now are better than I can ever remember. I feel that my husband can tell I'm in a better mood. It was definitely scary letting him know my decision, but since I have, I no longer have to hide anymore. I feel more determined with a deeper appreciation for this life and everything it holds. I don't think I'll ever change his way of thinking.....and that's fine. As long as he never tries to change mine....so far he hasn't. Like I said, it was just recently that I told him, so we'll see what the future holds. Hopefully you and your wife can come to some sort of common ground on this. Smile

I once was blind...but now, I see.
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26-03-2013, 09:25 AM
RE: My wife is a christian
Tough spot. My wife is a christian (I suppose she uses that term) and was raised in an evangelical household, and was homeschooled by her mother (who believes in speaking in tongues). That actually ended up helping because she never really bought into the speaking in tongues bit and the hardcore evangelical views caused her to soften her stance on religion and christianity before we met. I was in the in-between stages of realizing I was an atheist when we met (I would have said spiritual but not religious), but she just kind of assumed I really believed. Fast-forward a few years and I had realized I didn't believe any of it anymore. I was scared to tell her but figured if I couldn't, then we wouldn't make it. I did and although I don't think she was thrilled, she understood and we agreed on how we would proceed in our relationship. That mainly meant, how would we handle kids in the future? Since she didn't want to force them to church or indoctrinate them in the same crazy fundamentalist BS she had been forced to engage in, we were both in agreement about pretty much everything. No real fuss. And even though we don't really discuss religion much (she will complain along with me about Pat Roberts and the like), neither of us really seems to mind the others views. I don't force mine on her, and she doesn't force hers on me. And my son will be free to pick his own beliefs and ask us questions about ours.

As for your situation, it is similar but a bit more precarious since she is starting to get more involved in religion now as an adult. It is hard to give advice since there is no right answer, but letting her know your concerns that you may have about yourself, the well-being of your kids, and her well-being, is important. She may think there is no harm in faith-healing, but she is wrong. If she starts to take religion more seriously than modern medicine, then she is trading something that might work for something that absolutely won't. And that does not mean she can't try both. In a lot of cases, just being positive can make a big difference, and if religion gives her that, then it can help her mental state which can have a positive impact on her health.

Evolve

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26-03-2013, 09:39 AM
RE: My wife is a christian
That’s uplifting indeed Milk Milk….but I think JimBob and I may be in a
bit more of a struggle since kids are involved, although you may have kids, I’m
not sure. The kid thing worries me especially. I have come to realize that I
think part of my wife’s religious attitude is the “mommy spirit” inside of her.
She will do anything, and I mean anything to protect these kids. Her world
revolves around them and their safety and happiness. So I believe religion provides
her comfort in knowing that she can pray for their protection, pray for long, healthy
lives, etc. The Dad in me understands the need to love and protect but thru
prayer is where I fall off the rail.




Sorry, I’m slightly off topic.




Something else I’m curious about JimBob, and for you too Milk-x-2, do
you have your spouse’s parents involved in this? That is to say, do you find
your in-laws perpetuating these religious battles? My mother n law, love her,
really, but she is constantly mailing my kids Jesus shirts, calendars, stuff
for their walls. I believe too, she thinks she’s helping them feel comfortable
in their beliefs, but instead, it just makes my stomach turn and feels slightly underhanded. These
gifts just reinforce my wife’s religious stance too. Eeash!


Yet another layer in the stinky onion that is religion in my home!
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