My wife is a christian
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26-03-2013, 10:10 AM
RE: My wife is a christian
My husband and I don't have kids. We don't plan on it though. For personal reasons and medical. So yeah, sorry....cant help you there Sad

My husbands parents are deeply religious. And like I said, I only recently "came out" to my husband....so the thought of telling his parents scares the shit out of me. While things are getting better between he and I, I'm terrified that if they know, they'll turn on me. And possibly even create problems between my husband and I. My parents don't know yet either, as they are also religious. But for some reason, I have a feeling that they will handle it a little better than my in laws would. I don't know. The whole idea of telling any of them terrifies me.

Have you had to tell anyone you were absolutely horrified to tell? I'm always looking for advice on how to tell my parents.

I once was blind...but now, I see.
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26-03-2013, 12:55 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
Shame on all of you for telling him to "save the child" or "don't let your kid become infected".

The way he and his wife decide to raise his child is of no concern of yours.

Making him feel bad for even allowing his child to go to church is appalling. The advice you're giving him will only create more strife in the marriage.

If his wife wants to take his child to church, and he sees no harm in it; there is nothing wrong with it.

If he's truly worried about then he and his wife need to come to a decision and a compromise. Implying that he should defy his wife's wishes and intentions is a horrible alternative.

Is is okay for a spouse to force a child to NOT go to church against the other spouse's wishes? I see this all too much - it's okay if YOU agree with it according to YOUR beliefs.

smh

Anyway, jimbob, I would suggest having a real come-to-Jesus (pun intended) meeting with your wife... about her religion... about your atheism... and about how the both of you want to raise your child. Remaining silent and harboring discontent in a situation like this is a breeding ground for an unhappy marriage.

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26-03-2013, 01:25 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
KC if this was a Christian forum and the opposite thread had been posted, and someone said "save the kid" would you feel that was a shame on you moment ? Honestly, I think you wouldn't even notice. Maybe the token atheist would point it out Wink

It's the man's *kid*, and we here happen to believe that the true light of reason is one helluva lot more effective in a tight spot than the false dawn of religion. So in saying "save the kid" we are merely expressing the view that as we see it, that kid is headed for a nice few years of indoctrination from which she/he may never recover. As you yourself have said before, interfering with the way someone raises their kid is horseshit, you have to teach them what you believe is truth. It'd sure be nice if kids were a bit less stupid and would think for themselves, but since they *are* pretty dumb, the best we can usually do is keep 'em away from detrimental influences like evangelical churches Tongue
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26-03-2013, 01:39 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
(26-03-2013 01:25 PM)morondog Wrote:  KC if this was a Christian forum and the opposite thread had been posted, and someone said "save the kid" would you feel that was a shame on you moment ? Honestly, I think you wouldn't even notice. Maybe the token atheist would point it out Wink

I think you know me better than that. Of course I would point it out.

Quote:It's the man's *kid*, and we here happen to believe that the true light of reason is one helluva lot more effective in a tight spot than the false dawn of religion. So in saying "save the kid" we are merely expressing the view that as we see it, that kid is headed for a nice few years of indoctrination from which she/he may never recover. As you yourself have said before, interfering with the way someone raises their kid is horseshit, you have to teach them what you believe is truth. It'd sure be nice if kids were a bit less stupid and would think for themselves, but since they *are* pretty dumb, the best we can usually do is keep 'em away from detrimental influences like evangelical churches Tongue

That's pretty much what I said. Except, the "save the kid" remarks brings with it a negative connotation... as if he's doing something terribly wrong by allowing his wife to bring his kid to church. That decision needs to be concluded by he and his wife, and no one needs to condemn any decision that is reached; likewise, no decision that is made needs to have preconceived ideas attached to them.

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26-03-2013, 01:53 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
Fairy Muff Tongue Think I came dangerously close to invokin' the LAW...
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26-03-2013, 07:41 PM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2013 12:47 AM by Doctor X.)
RE: My wife is a christian
******

Those who administer and moderate in order to exercise personal agenda merely feed into the negative stereotype of Atheism
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26-03-2013, 07:54 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
(21-02-2013 12:28 PM)lizzielee Wrote:  Some people claim you can have a Christian-Atheist marriage but I don't believe it's possible.

For what it's worth, I'm an Atheist married to a Christian ( and she is well aware of my non-belief). Nine years, two kids, and still going strong.
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26-03-2013, 07:59 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
(26-03-2013 12:55 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  Shame on all of you for telling him to "save the child" or "don't let your kid become infected".

The way he and his wife decide to raise his child is of no concern of yours.

Making him feel bad for even allowing his child to go to church is appalling. The advice you're giving him will only create more strife in the marriage.

If his wife wants to take his child to church, and he sees no harm in it; there is nothing wrong with it.

If he's truly worried about then he and his wife need to come to a decision and a compromise. Implying that he should defy his wife's wishes and intentions is a horrible alternative.

Is is okay for a spouse to force a child to NOT go to church against the other spouse's wishes? I see this all too much - it's okay if YOU agree with it according to YOUR beliefs.

smh

Anyway, jimbob, I would suggest having a real come-to-Jesus (pun intended) meeting with your wife... about her religion... about your atheism... and about how the both of you want to raise your child. Remaining silent and harboring discontent in a situation like this is a breeding ground for an unhappy marriage.
I'm not the least bit ashamed of advising someone against teaching a child conclusions. I don't care what they are. Children should be taught to think, not to be clones of their parents, whether that be atheist or theist. Moreover, I see, every day, on this forum and another forum I frequent people who are completely lost, confused, scared and damaged by religious upbringings so as far as I'm concerned, if you're taking a child to church you might as well also take them to dog fights and whore houses because nothing they see there will be anywhere close to as bad as the bloody, misogynistic stories in the bible.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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26-03-2013, 09:28 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
I'll offer what I'm settling on as my standard advice in this kind of scenario, and that is that marriages are worth saving and truce lines have to be drawn on this issue if it is to avoid poisoning the rest of your relationship. If she doesn't know you are an atheist then drawing those lines is harder because neither of you can negotiate in good faith. At some point she has to find out - even if the emotionally-laden word "atheist" is not used. Consider saying something like "I don't really believe all that any more", or narrowing down on specific issues where she is trying to teach your child something you believe is false and you quietly and privately question her on it and whether it's really true.

My other piece of advice is to not be afraid to give it time. It takes time for a spouse to come to terms with changes to their partner's approach to life, as it no doubt took you time to make the transition. Allow her the grace of having at least as much time to get used to your change as it took you to make your change.

Kids add complexity to the situation because in a way both of you may be in a position where you feel you have to rescue your children or shield them in some way. My wife has granted me broad permission to tell my children about what I think is true and why I believe it, and to share some of the reasons I question things I once would have believed. I don't deride my wife's beliefs. She has drifted away from the church and that is the truce we have on that issue. We love each other very much and there is no reason for this issue to dominate our marriage. It could have gone much worse and I cannot prejudge what will happen in a different relationship - especially one where the Christian partner has a very active revived faith while the Atheist partner is heading in exactly the opposite direction.

As for my basic approach to the whole topic, I practice scepticism more than I practice atheism. I see atheism as a product of my scepticism. When I approach issues with my children it is not from the perspective of "theism is false, and I'm right" but instead "this is how I'm approaching the question - and it's also how I approach many other questions in life".

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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27-03-2013, 02:58 PM
RE: My wife is a christian
"When I approach issues with my children it is not from the perspective of "theism is false, and I'm right" but instead "this is how I'm approaching the question - and it's also how I approach many other questions in life".

Well said Hafnof....I was tested just last week by one of my kids and had a similar response like this one...I think it worked...I could the gears turning....
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