Near the edge of divorce
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09-10-2013, 08:13 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
Atheist and theist can find common ground in Heaven !, its in the back seat of a Cadillac.

Jokes aside, empathy for each other and regular sex is needed to save/keep a marriage.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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15-10-2013, 01:12 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
(05-10-2013 01:00 PM)kim Wrote:  .....
You aren't alone... I suspect others here have either gone through this or are going through it. It takes time.

Then too... she is probably vulnerable right now. You aren't together and she's feeling this separation.

The separation is compounded by this new "thing" in your life. She might see this as an interloper, interfering with the dynamic of the relationship she is comfortable with. She may feel as if she has been forced into some kind of "competition" and she doesn't know how to hold her own with something she doesn't understand.

It will take a lot of patience and reassurance on your part, if this is the case. Let her know she can still believe whatever she wants - this is about your own inner life - not hers. Shy
Totally agree...the separation and this has compounded her insecurities. I'm trying to reassure her in everyway, but we've have another huge argument this past weekend that was really rough.... took 2 days to recover and begin talking again.

This lady is my life...and I'm trying everything possible to keep her while being true to my feelings.

It is true - religion poisons EVERYTHING
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15-10-2013, 01:18 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
(05-10-2013 01:54 PM)Dom Wrote:  Why fight? Why not let her digest this for a while? Why the pushing?
.....
I'm not pushing it...at least I'm not trying to push it...now...I never bring it up.

But the topic seems to creep up, regardless of my best efforts to avoid, divert, change the topic.

Trust me...I'm trying to let this settle and sink in...
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15-10-2013, 01:47 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
(09-10-2013 04:10 PM)gamingathiest Wrote:  My girlfriend had the same problem with me, eventhough she knows I am an athiest. what annoys me is that she thinks (as well as my mother) that Im just angry and the I still believe. So she disapproved of me watching and listening to "that stuff"

Anyway what I did was keep my watching and thinkingathiest podcast restricted to my iphone, and waiting till she is out of the house to watch documentaries on tv.

It would be annoying though if she blast her religious media around the house, thankfully she really isn't a church goer she just believes.

Think about the big picture and whats more important to you right now. If you don't want to end up in a divorce then don't be in her face with your stuff, go to another room.
I have never watched nor openly talked about my non belief. I believe that the main issue is the label of Atheist. She's always known that I didn't believe...but she was able to rationalize to herself that at least I wasn't an Atheist.

At first she said that Atheism was a cult...so I knew she didn't understand and was scared of the term.

I've modified my online behavior...by not posting atheist memes or anti-religious texts...but she drills down on my comments on atheist, secular, humanist sites because the FB notification pops up. Doesn't make sense to me...I asked if my beliefs upset you...why do you drill down on my comments?
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15-10-2013, 02:09 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
(15-10-2013 01:47 PM)½îñ§ÅÑΣ Wrote:  I believe that the main issue is the label of Atheist.
Tell her that you are not an Atheist. Tell her that you have discovered that Atheist are a bunch of people often with crazy ideas.
Tell her that you just struggle to believe in god.

Its the same thing, but she doesn't need to know that.
Semantics and use of a Label aren't worth all this grief in your life.
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20-10-2013, 08:00 AM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
What I've learned about Atheism is that Silence is Golden.
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20-10-2013, 09:09 AM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
You don't have to tell people you don't believe in Zeus, so there is no obligation to say anything about any god.

Theism is to believe what other people claim, Atheism is to ask "why should I".
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05-11-2013, 02:29 PM
RE: Near the edge of divorce
(04-10-2013 11:28 PM)½îñ§ÅÑΣ Wrote:  Recently came out of the atheist closet in June...much to the surprise of everyone in my family.
My wife is a believer, not a fundie, but kindof set in her ways.
She thinks I'm going through a mid-life crisis of all things...as she can't imagine my recent revelation.
Since then...I've been very active with posting religious memes, watching the youtube atheists, as many videos the four horseman have out there...so this is now my passion. I love the intellectual debates, discussions, the research and reading...but my wife of 20 years hates it.
We've had several huge fights...the kinds that really can shake a good 20 year foundation.
I'm at that age where yelling and screaming don't appeal to me...so I'm trying to keep her calm...but she is flying off the handle.
So I'm trying to explain the finer aspects of atheism...she doesn't want to listen...as it only fuels her rage.

Could I have broke the news to her better? Heck ya...hind sight is 20/20...but how can I explain to her my views...and that most importantly I HAVE NOT CHANGED?
Wow, If I didn't know better I would accuse you of plagiarism. I have been married for 9 years to my high school sweetheart. We were married in the local theater where we had our first date, and our high school science teacher officiated the ceremony. Neither of us were church going Christians although we made sure to get our kids baptized. When I found my personal savior (that is Hitchens not the Jewish zombie guy) she was none to pleased about it. Like you I got fanatical when I found out that I was not the only person who had questioned the bible.
The problem I have is that she is an atheist but is far to afraid of death to say it out loud. Not a fear of dieing and not hell but not existing anymore.
While I agree with the others that it doesn't have to be a focus of the marriage it is the elephant in the room that will need to be addressed at some point.

There are 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side, and the truth. We all need to take a step back evaluate the entire situation.
You are not alone and hearing your story helped me realize that so thank you.
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