Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
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06-11-2013, 02:27 PM
Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
My wife and I were talking about my lack of belief. She said she was uncomfortable with the thought of no religion because she didn't want to think of her mother and grand parents dead, and not living on in some way. She also said she was scared that she was just going to end.

She hasn't gone to church in almost a year, and doesnt' take the kids. and when I pressed it she said on a scale of 1-10 her "faith" is a 2 or 3.

So, I really see she is where I was only a few years ago.

I wanted to know if there were some videos or writings you can suggest that talk about the wonder we still feel, the way we still want to do good and spend time with our family BECAUSE life is finite.

I did read her some quotes from Penn Jillette about treasuring people while thery are here instead of pining away for a better life after we die, but I'd like more.

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06-11-2013, 03:19 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
I can't think of any one video or talk specifically, but I know from my own experience I found when I transitioned that it took a bit of exploring to understand that the hope of seeing them again didn't make me miss them any less currently and that I won't miss them more later because I will feel after I died the same as I did before I lived (nothing). That seemed comforting to me.

Since my loved ones have died I live every day to the fullest, enjoying them how I like, because they can't.

Sounds like your wife just doesn't want to let go of that hope, which is hard and understandable. It means true acceptance of the loss. It could be similar to the stage of denial in grieving and although maybe encouraging her to work past this point is okay, I'm not so sure pushing it would be.

Nice to hear from you again, FaceOfBoe!
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06-11-2013, 03:55 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
(06-11-2013 03:19 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  I can't think of any one video or talk specifically, but I know from my own experience I found when I transitioned that it took a bit of exploring to understand that the hope of seeing them again didn't make me miss them any less currently and that I won't miss them more later because I will feel after I died the same as I did before I lived (nothing). That seemed comforting to me.

Since my loved ones have died I live every day to the fullest, enjoying them how I like, because they can't.

Sounds like your wife just doesn't want to let go of that hope, which is hard and understandable. It means true acceptance of the loss. It could be similar to the stage of denial in grieving and although maybe encouraging her to work past this point is okay, I'm not so sure pushing it would be.

Nice to hear from you again, FaceOfBoe!

It was really quite shocking to hear her say she really didn't care about religion. I guess there are those like me who like to discuss the intellectual underpinnings of no belief, and debate, and others just accept nothing and move on. Kind of like how I face my day in relation to Ra or Thor. I just don't give it any mind.

Now to see how I can handle the kids questions.

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06-11-2013, 04:14 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
Personally quotes don't do it for me. I think the most important thing is talking through it with her without pressing your desired outcome. Talk to her about your journey, say you are there for her where ever she ends up. I'd send a book or a link to a video to a friend or an acquaintance but not a spouse unless they specifically ask for it.
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06-11-2013, 04:22 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
I think you should encourage her to do her own research and come to her own conclusions in her own time. Even if it takes a lot longer she be happier if she finds the truth all on her own. Have a lot of talks (if she wants to) and just let her ask you questions and don't go any further than whatever she asks.
Not everyone is the same of course but sometimes if you push too much a person will get scared and dive back into religion in full force.

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06-11-2013, 04:25 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions



A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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06-11-2013, 06:19 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
(06-11-2013 02:27 PM)FaceOfBoe Wrote:  My wife and I were talking about my lack of belief. She said she was uncomfortable with the thought of no religion because she didn't want to think of her mother and grand parents dead, and not living on in some way. She also said she was scared that she was just going to end.

She hasn't gone to church in almost a year, and doesnt' take the kids. and when I pressed it she said on a scale of 1-10 her "faith" is a 2 or 3.

So, I really see she is where I was only a few years ago.

I wanted to know if there were some videos or writings you can suggest that talk about the wonder we still feel, the way we still want to do good and spend time with our family BECAUSE life is finite.

I did read her some quotes from Penn Jillette about treasuring people while thery are here instead of pining away for a better life after we die, but I'd like more.

I like zeitgeist video about religion. It's about 25 mins long...the rest is 9/11 stuff.

That got my husband thinking that te story wasn't true. Then he asked me about the afterlife...I pointed him to the circle of life. NOVA had some good specials on it.

She can see that her grandparents' energy is still here, just transferred. So everytime I get bumped by a butterfly, I like to think a little piece of my dad saying hello.

There is nothing you can do for her but to ask her open ended questions. What does she think happens when you die? What is her idea of heaven? Why does she think that? Where did she learn that from? Is it possible the source she learned from is suspect? What is she is wrong? Is there anything wrong with being wrong?

Can she still feel her loved ones are with her without the religion? Why not? Point out that plenty of atheists acknowledge the presence of their loved one's energy without the need for a soul attached to it.
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06-11-2013, 08:50 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
I think Seth's 'afterlife' video does a great job of debunking the idea that we should desire to live forever. Also, if you still have or will have young kids have her watch Seth's 'welcome to my world'.

As a read I really like to refer people to Letter to a Christian Nation for max impact in a short space. But yes, let her go at her own pace, and show her through your own example why life is far more meaningful without a deity in it.
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06-11-2013, 10:55 PM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions







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07-11-2013, 07:32 AM
RE: Need Advice: My wife may be coming around need guidance and suggestions
Your in a great place my friend. My wife and I were in the same spot just a year ago. Only I was the one in your wifes shoes. Down in the dumps about life just ending, nothing afterwards and it all just seemed hopeless without god.

I have since gotten over all that and faced reality. Now it doesn't bother me in the least.

Just take it one step at a time. Do the walk together. She will let you know what areas of interest and discovery she wants to go through. Its going to be amazing.

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